"Um, hi."
Michael
I thought when I told my family about Abbi and my child I would do it tactfully, strategically, calmly. I'd gather everyone together and explain that I was going to tell them something that might surprise them, but I would greatly appreciate it if everyone didn't overreact. I'd reveal the news gently, slowly…
Well, that plan was out the window.
After Abbi said hi with nothing more than a squeak of a voice, I had to beat my family back like geese at a park charging a tossed piece of bread.
"Back, back, back," I hollered, swatting mostly at Eoin.
I managed to corral Abbi into the bathroom upstairs and close the door.
"What in the world are you doing here?" I hissed, throwing a towel over her head.
I ran it over her soaking wet hair till she pushed my hands away and pushed it back so she could see me.
"Why didn't you tell me they were here?" she shrieked.
I put my hands on my chest. "Oh, this is my fault now? You told me to shut the fuck up."
Abbi's eyes were aflame with anger and passion and something more. "Everything is your fucking fa—"
There was a knock at the bathroom door. Ma's sweet voice came softly, "Things alright in there?"
I glanced over my shoulder and then looked back at Abbi.
"They're all out there, aren't they?" she mouthed, eyes panicked.
I nodded.
"It's great, Ma," I called out before the whole herd knocked down the door. "We'll be out in just a second."
Abbi glanced around, eyes darting to and fro. "I'm climbing out the window," she said.
"Tea or coffee, dear?" Ma asked outside the door.
Abbi looked at me and I looked at her. She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed. "Coffee, please."
Ten minutes later we were all stuffed around the kitchen table, high chairs and bar stools and footrests and all. Abbi sat across from me, her tanned skin nearly the colour of ash. She was wearing a sweater borrowed from Noah's wife, Aubrey, and had a towel wrapped around her wet hair at Ma's insistence. She took tiny, hesitant sips of coffee every other second, and each time she replaced it on the saucer, she spilled more onto the little china plate. She kept her eyes down, probably because my family couldn't stop looking at her with goofy smiles.
It certainly didn't help the prevailing awkwardness that everyone was deathly silent. There was barely even the clink of forks and knives as hardly anyone but the babies was eating. I stabbed a piece of ham and forced myself to chew like all of this was perfectly normal. As if it was every day that families learned one of their members had a secret child with a mystery woman.
I should have known by Eoin's fucking grin that he was up to something.
"Michael, brother," he said, "would you mind handing me the kid? Oops, I meant the kidney beans."
Duffy, his wife, elbowed him in the side. Ma snapped her fingers at him from across the table.
"Eoin," she chastised.
"We don't even have kidney beans, you idiot," I said.
"No kidney beans? Hmm."
"Ignore him, dear," Ma said, patting Abbi's hand.
Abbi shook her head. "No, no, it's fine. I, I, um, I love kidney beans."
Even Noah, the oldest of my brothers, couldn't stop himself from cracking a smile at the ridiculousness of it all. He covered it quickly with his napkin as he reached for his beer. Ma shot him a look and he ducked his eyes sheepishly.
"Abbi, would you maybe like some wine?" Kayleigh, Darren's wife, asked. "I know the O'Sullivans can be a lot at first."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Darren grumbled, his eyes lighting as he looked over at Kayleigh.
She handed over the baby and poured Abbi a healthy glass of red wine. Abbi gulped it down, both hands wrapped around the small glass.
"Michael, brother," Eoin said again, smiling sweetly at me as he drummed his fingers against his chin, "would you be so kind as to hand over the child-an sea bass?"
Duffy groaned and rolled her eyes.
"Eoin, what did I tell you?" Ma said.
"What?" Eoin protested. "You all didn't like my last pun so I thought I'd try another!"
"Not that that's the point, but what is that one even supposed to be?" Duffy asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Eoin asked.
Everyone at the table shook their head, including, I noticed, Abbi.
Eoin huffed in frustration and threw his hands up. "Chilean sea bass!"
A series of ohs circulated around the table and Noah added a boo.
"Way worse than the last one, bro," he said before collecting himself at a stern gaze from Ma. "Not that you should even be making puns, obviously."
"Oh my God," Abbi murmured, freckled cheeks again flaring the colour pink you only saw in the most brilliant of sunsets.
Kayleigh refilled her wine glass without another word. We all descended back into awkward silence again as the rain hammered against the windows. Under the table my toe tapped impatiently.
"Oh, Michael, dear, dear brother," Eoin said once more.
"Eoin, no!" Duffy ordered.
"Michael, my most beloved of brothers, could you, please, oh please, pass me the offspring peas."
Darren and Noah threw potato wedges at Eoin, and Noah's toddlers soon joined in.
"Eoin Robert O'Sullivan!" Ma shouted, standing up and walking around the table to smack him on the back of his head.
He shrieked and his chair fell back as he tried to outrun her. The kids all laughed and then the adults all laughed and it took me a moment to realise that Abbi was laughing, too. As she always did, Ma caught Eoin and gave him a good whacking.
