—Kari’s journal
June 11, 2010
After Kari posted the update, Pappy Rob went looking for a chapel where he could pray. Without Emily’s bed in the room, we felt her absence as a huge hole in the middle of our lives. We didn’t even turn on the lights as we sat there in silence. I tried to think how I would explain to her when she woke up why her legs were gone, but I couldn’t imagine a way to start.
About an hour into the surgery two of the oncologists burst through the door into the room.
“We’re going to save her legs!”
Kari and I hugged each other tightly, breathing huge sighs of relief.
When Dr. Dillon opened up Emily’s legs, he’d seen that the infection was in the sac around the muscles, not in the muscles or in the bone. Emily would be out of surgery soon, the doctor said, but not out of the hospital for weeks. They would attach wound vacuums to her legs to suck out fluid to reduce swelling and infection. She would need surgery every forty-eight hours over the next two weeks to adjust the pressure in the wound vacs.
Who would have thought we’d be overjoyed that our daughter would need surgery on her legs every two days? But we were. “The prayers worked,” I said. “It’s because everyone is praying for Emily.”
“We’re never splitting up for these appointments again,” Kari whispered.
“Never.”
Chapter 4
ONLY WORRY WHEN THEY GO QUIET
I was standing at the end of Emily’s bed in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) wearing her pink tutu over my jeans and holding big blue-and-white Penn State cheerleader pompoms. During our first stay at Hershey, I got Emily to agree that we needed to smile at least once a day. For that first stay, it hadn’t been that hard. This second stay, she’d become an expert eye roller, but genuine smiles were a lot harder to get. Just the day before, when I reminded Emily of our goal, she shot me a perfunctory smile and said, “Is that enough?” It wasn’t.
On this day, I thought my best chance to meet our goal was for me to don this getup. She and Kari were looking at me blankly, as if they couldn’t wrap their minds around my outfit or didn’t want to. So I moved on to the cheer.
“Give me an E! Give me an M! Give me an I! Give me an L! Give me a Y! What does that spell? EMILY!”
“Dad… stop.” There went the eye roll, but still no smile.
In that original stretch at Hershey, right after we’d had her hair cut, Emily was so sad and angry with me for insisting on her hair being shorn that I would have done anything to make her laugh. The problem was that I was getting tired, and not just because the sleeping situation was not so great. I felt as though I was coming down with bronchitis. I asked my doctor in Philipsburg to send me an injection of strong antibiotics. I said that I’d find someone at Hershey to inject me. She agreed, and my mom brought it along on her next visit. I knew just who I wanted to give me the shot. I watched the door, hoping to catch Nurse Rob.
I think both Emily and Kari had schoolgirl crushes on Nurse Rob. He was tall and had broad shoulders, olive skin, deep blue eyes, and a square military haircut that accentuated his strong jawline. For a big guy, he had a surprisingly delicate touch. We felt safe around him with his steady, genial manner. He also liked to play pranks on the other nurses. He and Emily would fill syringes with water, then press the call button so that when another nurse walked in, they could squirt them. I knew Emily would love it if Nurse Rob was the one who gave me the shot.
When I saw Nurse Rob passing by Emily’s door, I jumped up.
“Rob! I need your help,” I said, and he paused at the doorway. I held up the box that contained the antibiotic shot. “I need a shot in my butt.”
I said “butt”! Emily sat up as straight as she could in bed to watch. She had a little hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth and her eyes were bright.
“I don’t know,” Nurse Rob said. “I’m not supposed to administer medicine not prescribed here.”
“I understand,” I said. “It’s just that I think I’m coming down with something and I can’t be sick around Emily. My doctor sent this to me. See? It’s a prescription.”
“Okay,” he said, taking an exaggerated look up and down the hallway, as if he was frightened someone might see him coming into the room. He winked at Emily and put a finger to his lips.
“But remember, Emily: I was never here,” he said.
While Nurse Rob set up the syringe, I placed one hand on the foot rail of Emily’s bed, and with the other I pushed my pants down a bit on the left side. Emily and Kari were grinning as wide as I’d ever seen.
“This is going to hurt, isn’t it?” I whimpered.
“You bet it is,” he replied, poking his hand around on my hip, searching for the place to stick me. Emily’s eyes darted between my clownish terror and very serious Nurse Rob on the job.
“The skin back here is really tough!”
I grimaced in anticipation, contorting my face like I was about to cry, while Nurse Rob took a huge swing with his arm to plant the shot in my backside. I watched Emily’s head swivel to follow the needle on its way to the depths of my hip. Once it landed, I yelled and limped around, whimpered that he’d
