That spring we became closer to Becky and Ariana, the two Penn State students from THON. We had kept asking Becky about Ariana, the PRSSA chair who had charmed us all, especially Emily, when she had showed us around the Harvest Festival the previous fall. Maybe Becky could bring her along on one of her visits? But Becky refused. She was intimidated by Ariana, who was high up in the THON hierarchy and very serious and studious, the opposite of Becky—or so Becky thought.
We’d learned from the brief encounters we’d had with Ariana over the past few months that she was focused and determined; she’d decided that she would do Penn State’s four-year curriculum in just three years. I asked her why she carried with her a huge backpack filled with books everywhere she went. She said this was so she could study whenever she had a spare moment. Kari and I thought she was a great role model for Emily for that reason, and also because of her focus on doing her best and being a leader. If she joined a club, her goal was to be its president. We thought Emily could learn a lot from Ariana.
That spring semester, it turned out that Becky and Ariana were enrolled in a class together, so I nudged Becky to at least have a chat with Ariana. Becky told us there was no way that the two of them would get along. Ariana was the kind of person who thrived by following rules and working her way up the THON hierarchy, Becky surmised. Becky didn’t care about rules and lines of authority. I could see it through Becky’s eyes: Becky does what she thinks is right and Ariana does what she knows is correct. Becky was sure if they got to know each other they would be enemies, not friends.
One day Becky was late to class and the only seat free was next to Ariana. She stood at the edge of the class, for a moment thinking she’d just split, but she didn’t. She took the seat next to Ariana, hoping to bolt the minute class was over. Instead, when class ended, they struck up a conversation about Emily, and they kept talking as they made their way to the Penn State student center called the HUB, and through dinner. They are still talking to this day. At the end of this first marathon conversation, they agreed to visit Emily together.
Kari and I were delighted when Becky said she was bringing Ariana. I was in charge of hope, yes, but I needed help to bring more joy to Emily, and here it was. It was as if we now had three daughters, and Emily had two big sisters, each one very different. All of us, I think, were astonished by the genuine friendship that developed so quickly between two college girls and our five-year-old daughter.
Ariana said she saw Emily as a peer because Emily asked her such mature questions. The second time Becky and Ariana came to visit, Emily asked Ariana why she worked so hard at school. Was it pressure from her parents? Ariana was dumbstruck for a moment. She’d never asked herself that question. “No, it’s not my parents,” Ariana responded. “It’s me.”
I wanted Emily to take in Ariana’s strong drive to succeed, her pledge that if she was going to be involved in something, she wanted to do her best, to be a leader. From Becky I wanted her to take in the qualities of enthusiasm and generosity. And from both of them, I wanted Emily to learn empathy.
The other part of this friendship was goofiness, like I had with Emily. Emily and Ariana often teamed up against Becky. One time, Emily and Ariana were pretending to be cats and Emily made Becky pretend to be a dog. Becky wanted to be a cat, too, so Emily told her that she could be a cat only if she ate an actual dog treat. Not only did Becky have to eat the treat, but she also had to eat it dipped into her least favorite food, peanut butter. To our surprise, Becky agreed, and I don’t think we’ve ever seen Emily giggle so hard.
When Easter came along, my mom invited the girls to join our celebration. Ariana was going home for the holiday, but Becky, who is Jewish, had never been to an Easter celebration before and was really excited to come. I’ll never forget me and Emily going to pick up Becky at her apartment at State College. Becky was carrying an oversized Easter basket. As she approached the car, the wind kicked up and we laughed till our sides hurt as we watched her chasing colorful plastic eggs and fake grass around the parking lot. She would just get a few back into the basket when the wind would toss them out onto the pavement again. Becky looked so elegant in her pastel Easter outfit, but she was swearing like a sailor as she chased those eggs and grass around the parking lot, unaware that
