“Anyway, once I got myself sorted and Zach gave me a chance at the studio, I swore to myself that I’d get a place of my own and I’d go for custody. I might not have had a clue about how to bring up a child, but I was damn sure I could do a hell of a better job than Carla.”
My eyes remain on my hands as I fiddle with my fingers in an attempt to stop them trembling as my memories threaten to break me.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I continue.
“I started proceedings with a lawyer and they agreed that I’d have a solid chance of winning. Only, we never got that far.” My voice cracks and Harlow slides across the sofa until she’s holding my hands and her huge, dark eyes are staring into mine encouragingly.
“A couple of nights before the court case, I was at home trying to sleep when I got a call. There had been a fire at Carla's flat and… yeah. I could tell by the voice on the other end of the phone that it was bad.
“I raced over there.” I pause as the images of that fateful night fill my mind. Harlow squeezes my hands in support and slides even closer. I desperately want to look at her again, but I fear that if I do, I’ll break down and put off saying any more.
“Flames bellowed from the windows, smoke poured into the night sky. It was terrifying. The firemen did everything they could, but the blaze was too hot for them to get into the flat.”
“Oh my God,” Harlow whimpers, knowing exactly where this is going.
“By the time they got inside, it was too l-late. She was only eight. She had her whole life ahead of her.”
“Oh my God.” Her voice is full of emotion as she crawls onto my lap and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
“It had barely been a year since I lost my boys, and then that happened.” My body trembles as I’m taken back to that night. I was useless, utterly useless. After all my military training, when it mattered, all I could do was stand there and watch my world burn.
Lacing my arms around her waist, I hold her to me, and I will the images to subside. I know it’s wishful thinking—they’re always there, just waiting to pop up, usually in my sleep, and threaten to break me all over again.
“I’m so sorry, Corey. I’m so sorry,” she whispers softly in my ear before she presses her lips to my neck and starts gently kissing me.
Once I’m feeling a little more in control of myself. I wrap my hands around her forearms and push her back so I can look at her.
She has black make-up streaked down her cheeks where she’s been crying with me.
She reaches out and brushes her thumbs over my cheeks, clearing away my own tears.
“I’m so sorry,” she says again.
“Harlow, I’m… I’m terrified. I can’t go through that again. I can’t lose…”
“Shhh,” she soothes, still holding my face. “That was a terrible, terrible accident. The chances of it—”
“I can’t lose you, Harlow.” I drop my hand to her smooth belly. “I can’t lose either of you.”
A sob rips up Harlow's throat before she falls down onto my chest and cries.
Rubbing my hands up and down her back, I sit in silence, my own thoughts running rampant around my head as she gets herself together.
“I didn’t think you wanted us,” she admits into the crook of my neck.
“Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry. This was my issue, it had nothing to do with you. I want you more than anything.”
We sit locked in our embrace for the longest time, just soaking up strength from each other and making silent promises that we’re both too scared to say out loud.
“Harlow?” I whisper after long minutes.
She pulls her head from my shoulder and looks at me through tear-filled eyes. The emotion staring back at me guts me to my core.
“I… fuck.”
“It’s okay,” she says, lifting her palm to rest on my cheek. “I know. I’m scared too.”
“When did you find out?”
“The day after my aunt died. I was sick, couldn’t stand the smell of coffee. Bailey made me take a test.”
“So when do you think we…”
“That first night.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“I already thought that night was life-changing. I couldn’t have been more right.”
“You’re a nightmare,” she jokes, slapping my chest lightly before she falls silent.
“What’s wrong?”
She’s off my lap before I have a chance to stop her. I miss her contact immediately as she begins pacing back and forth in front of me.
“Before you, I hadn’t been with anyone for… years.”
“Harlow, I’m not suggesting it’s not mine or anything,” I say, sitting forward, wondering where she’s going with this.
“Oh, I know. I just… I need to explain why, and why going with you that night was so huge for me.”
“Okay,” I say, sitting back and continuing to watch her move back and forth. I run my eyes down her navy, floor-length dress and my mouth waters at the sight of her curves. She’s really fucking sexy, and she has no idea.
“I was a nightmare teenager. From about the age of twelve I was smoking and drinking. Anything to make me forget my life.
“I’d had the most perfect childhood. My parents were incredible and gave me everything I could have wanted. And then it was all gone. Ripped out from under my feet in the blink of an eye, and suddenly I was no one.
“No one cared. No one wanted me.” Her voice cracks with emotion and all I want to do is pull her back into my arms.
“I used alcohol, drugs and… sex to make myself feel better. I was a mess, and I hate looking back to that time in my life. I’m ashamed.”
Pushing from the sofa, I stand in front of her to stop her from pacing.
“Hey,” I say, reaching out and taking her cheeks in my hands.
