“I think they’re Arabic. Hold on, I don’t have everything memorized.” Hayden gets up. He digs through his desk, pushing aside strips of tan fabric to unearth a notepad and pen. “Yeah, they’re Arabic. Those two are anta and anti, which are male and female versions of ‘you.’” He points the pen to another word on the notepad. “And this one’s ana, which means ‘I.’ You can use that if you’re a girl or a boy.”
I stare at him. “Ana means ‘I’?”
“Mm-hmm. I think Arabic and Hebrew have lots of close-sounding words.” He looks up. “What’s ‘I’ in Hebrew?”
“Ani,” I say, but I’m in a daze. Hayden just said my name, and he doesn’t even know it.
Ana means “I” in another language.
“Another weird thing Cyn told me is that lots of languages have male and female nouns,” Hayden continues. “That makes no sense to me. Like, why do they have to say a room is male or a table’s female?”
“Mandarin doesn’t. I mean, the words for ‘he,’ ‘she,’ and ‘it’ sound the same whether you’re a boy or a girl. They just look different in writing.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from rambling.
“Huh.” Hayden hands me his notepad. “Can you write those down? It’d be cool to know them.”
The door creaks open, and Cyn pokes her head in. “Hey, you guys. Lunch is ready. I’d hurry. Mattie’s already loading his plate.”
She’s gone in a flash.
“We should probably go. Mattie’s appetite is epic.” I pass the notepad back to Hayden, whose eyes linger on it, like he’s disappointed.
“I’ll write them down after lunch,” I promise. “Then we can work on your costume.”
I stand up, and my gaze flickers past another set of words. They’re taped to the front of his closet.
Zie, zir, zirs.
“Hey, what language are those?”
Hayden takes a few steps back to look where I’m pointing.
“That’s not a foreign language. They’re gender-neutral pronouns. C’mon, I’m starving.”
Gender-neutral? Like Mandarin? I look at the words again, sounding them out in my head. I want to know more.
But food is ready. People are waiting. I’ll have to save my questions for later.
Chapter Twenty
Zie, zir, zirs.
The words buzz between my ears all through lunch.
Gender-neutral.
I repeat them to myself, through a first course of salad and coleslaw, then a second of noodle casserole. I want to ask Hayden more questions, but not in front of his family. Mattie and Elliot shovel food into their mouths across the table, while Mrs. Lubeck holds a napkin out and reminds them to wipe their faces. Cyn sits beside her, eyes fixed on her phone. Dan, Hayden, and I eat on the opposite side of the table.
When we get to the main course, Dan passes me a plateful of messy-looking sandwiches.
“May I present? Meatless sloppy joes.” I take one and thank him as Dan passes the plate on. “Thank you, actually, for giving me the chance to try a new recipe.”
“Dad loves to cook,” Elliot informs me as he leans across the table to pull a serving plate of chicken toward himself.
“That I do.” Dan’s voice naturally booms. “It’s just a shame I’m the only member of this family who likes experimenting with food.”
My sandwich has a nice smoky taste to it. Across from us, Mattie stuffs a big piece of chicken into his mouth, then looks at me. “How come you don’t eat meat?”
“My grandma is Buddhist and didn’t cook meat when my mom was growing up.”
“Wait.” Hayden takes a quick swig of his drink. “I thought you’re Jewish.”
“I am. My dad’s Jewish. He and Mom dated in high school and then moved to San Francisco for college. Mom decided to become Jewish before she had me. She jokes that it’s a lot easier to keep kosher if you don’t eat meat.”
“I bet it is.” Mrs. Lubeck scoops another spoonful of coleslaw onto Mattie’s plate.
“I would probably die if I couldn’t eat cheeseburgers,” Mattie says. Beside him, Elliot solemnly nods.
“Cyn used to be a vegan,” says Hayden. “For, like, a week before she gave up.”
“Oh, hush.” Cyn shoots him an annoyed look. “Veganism just wasn’t for me. That’s all.”
Hayden leans toward me. “Because she loves cheeseburgers too much, just like Mattie and Elliot.”
I half snort, then cover my mouth. Cyn rolls her eyes and looks back down at her phone. I wait for someone to tell her to put it away, but they don’t seem to mind like Mom would.
I sneak a quick look at my own phone. Except for a k that came in after I went to bed on Monday, Tamar hasn’t sent any other texts. Is she free to hang out tomorrow? I asked again yesterday but haven’t heard back.
“So.” Dan clears his throat. “Did you two have fun before lunch?”
Hayden nods. “A knows how to sew, so he’s going to help me with my Roxas cosplay after lunch.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. Boy pronouns feel just as weird as girl pronouns now.
“Sounds like fun.” Dan turns to me, beaming with pride. “I may be at my best in the kitchen, but Hayden has all the talent when it comes to cosplay.”
“Dad, stop.” Hayden shakes his head, hair falling into his face, but not before I see his cheeks turn rosy.
Mrs. Lubeck stands and begins to collect our plates. She stops beside Dan. “Don’t embarrass him, darling.”
“What? It’s true!” Dan throws his arms up like he’s exasperated, but the proud smile never leaves his face.
I try to imagine Dad talking about my skating the same way but come up empty.
Mrs. Lubeck starts clearing the table.
“Can I help?” I ask, but she shakes her head.
“No, no. You’re our guest. You and Hayden go enjoy yourselves.”
As she bustles in and out of the dining room, I turn back to Hayden. “You never actually told me who Roxas is.”
“Oh, he’s a character from Kingdom Hearts II. It’s a video game. I’ll explain more when we
