I bring my hand up to his face, and he turns into the touch, holding my hand with his. “But you’re not mine. Not in the way that counts. Not anymore.” My eyes burn as I pull from him, his eyes still pinched shut. “How can we possibly have the future you want us to have without her in it? I won’t ever carry your first child, because she is. I will never be the only woman in your life because she will always be there. Even if all you do is send her child support, she will be there. And is that really how you’d want that baby growing up? Feeling unwanted? Unloved? I would have lived that life if I hadn’t had Ollie, and even that experience was damaging.”
He apparently doesn’t have anything else to say, because he just stands there, watching as I zip up my bag. “Just stay until we get test results. Don’t leave before you actually know.”
“I don’t want to be here, Donatello. I don’t want to spend time with you and get my hopes up just to be crushed all over again when the results come back saying that baby is yours.”
“Then where are you going? You going to run off to your pup now?”
I grab the bag, shoving past him and out into the hall. “I don’t know where I’m going, but even if it was to Jessie, it’s none of your business. You lost that right when your secretary showed up pregnant.”
He grabs my arm, pushing my back into the wall and I drop the bag, eyes narrowing on his face as he crowds me. “You’ll always be my business. You’re choosing to leave without giving me any chance. Just fucking stay.”
“Tell me something, Donatello.” His eyes brush along my face, waiting for me to continue. “How many times did you sleep with her before this? How many recurring meetings?” Meetings he told me not to worry about last summer when I first met her.
“I don’t know Vita Mia. I didn’t keep track, she was a means to an end, an easy body to use while I grieved over you. I didn’t touch her a single time after you came back last summer. She’s nothing, baby.”
“Yet you went right back to her the second I was out of the picture. Get out of my way, Donatello.” He moves, jaw flexing as I step away from him. He doesn’t even argue that I’m wrong and I feel the crack split through my numb heart. I hear him slap the wall, a picture falling to the floor, but I don’t look.
“Your pup has been keeping his own secrets.” He says it to my back, but I ignore him slipping into my sneakers. “Jessie Mariani works for the Famiglia.” I stop at the door, and he laughs. “Pretty boy isn’t as good as you seem to think he is.”
That can’t be true. Jessie doesn’t lie to me. He’s sweet and good. He wouldn’t lie about that. “Why are you saying this?” I turn to look at him, my hand on the door handle.
“I just think you should know that what you think you have with him is fake.” He’s purposefully being cruel, digging at my insecurities because I’m hurting him.
“Tell me the truth, Donatello.”
He walks to me, pushing the hair from my face when he gets close enough. “Don’t leave me, baby.”
The ice around my heart is melting now that I’ve lost some of my momentum. Each drop exposing a raw nerve, overly sensitive and aching. “You’re having a baby that’s not mine.” My voice cracks and he drops to his knees, wrapping his arms around my body. He looks up at me, silently pleading with me not to walk out the door. I let the bag in my hand fall to the floor, and hug his face to me, soaking up as much of him as I can.
My heart thinks we’re meant to be with this man, but it’s not possible. Over and over again we’ve been told and over and over we ignored every sign. Every warning. I lift his face to look at mine, pressing a kiss to his lips as I grab his hands and unwrap them from me. I pull back, his cheeks damp with my own tears. “I can forgive a lot of things, but not that.”
I grab the bag and walk out the door before he can stop me, pretending I didn’t just break his heart with my own hands.
The buzzer goes off for my building and I pick up my phone, pulling up the footage on the front security camera. Laney is standing at the door, a duffel bag in hand. I can’t see her face because of the angle of the camera, but I’d recognize her at any angle. I stare at her on my screen, not really sure if I want to let her in, heart pounding in my chest at the sight of her.
She told me I couldn’t love her then walked out the door. Now she’s standing at my door, expecting me to just let her in. She’s selfish, but she never pretended she wasn’t. I set the phone down, sitting in place a moment longer. Of course, I’m going to fucking let her in.
My ribs tweak when I stand. The muscles sore as I walk across the space, but it’s not nearly as bad as before. I hit the unlock code, moving to sit back down on the couch. My heart is picking up speed with every second that passes, knowing she’s going to be right here with me soon.
I hear her open the door but don’t look. My head staring straight at the TV screen. I see her drop her bag out of my periphery, feel her sit next to me, the coconut on her skin burning my nostrils. I want her to touch me so badly it makes me sick, angry for
