He seems to understand what I’m saying without me having to say it and his crystal eyes soften, flicking to look around the room. “Do you want to stay longer?”
I shake my head, walking over to the manila file from earlier. “No, I need to leave.” I grab a pen off of the nurse’s computer station, writing across the front of the file.
I’m not over you. I’ll never be over you. But it’s time for you to be over me.
Jessie watches me but doesn’t read it, watching as I set the file on at the end of Donatello’s bed where he will see it when he wakes up. I want to touch Donatello so badly my hands start shaking with the effort to stay away from him, but I don’t want to risk waking him up. I can’t do what I need to do if he’s awake.
Instead I grab one of his rings from the side table, clutching it in my fist as I turn and walk past Jessie. My tears finally winning the battle when I hear him click the door shut behind us. The sound rips a gap in my chest as I leave half of my heart behind.
“Where are we going, Laney Girl?” I look over at her sitting in the passenger seat. She’s staring out the window, her knees folded up in the seat. She doesn’t answer me, doesn’t even look my way and fuck if it doesn’t tear at my heart. “Delaney, I don’t know where you want me to take you.”
Her head slowly rolls my way, the brown of her eyes like burnt chocolate with her tears. “Can I go home with you?”
I nod, she should know she doesn’t even have to ask. “Do you want to stop and get anything? Food?”
She shakes her head, her hair rubbing against the back of the head rest. It’s six A.M but she’s been up almost all night at the hospital, and I know she hasn’t eaten. Neither one of us has gotten much rest since last night. I pull out of the parking lot and she drops her head onto the window, face turned away from me.
She says she doesn’t blame me for what I did, but how couldn’t she? I set all of this in motion. I almost got Donatello killed because I couldn’t stand not having her. What she had to go through, seeing the pain on her face, and knowing that I put it there, almost dropped me to my knees. I knew in that moment that I’d rather spend my entire life without her, than be the one responsible for a death that would stain her soul. I knew I’d made a mistake. A selfish, greedy mistake.
“Why did you do it?” I almost don’t hear her because her face is still looking out the window, but when she turns to look at me, I realize what she asked.
“You.” It’s all I say because I don’t know what else to say.
“No, not why you told Ollie about Olivia.” She sits forward in her seat, rubbing her eyes with her palms. “Why did you help me? Why didn’t you just let Donatello die? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
I can feel her eyes on me, her hands dropped into her lap. “You, Laney Girl.”
I look over and she just blinks at me, using her sweater sleeve to wipe a few tears from her face. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, her emotions locked behind her ribcage. I look away from her, the most beautiful wreck. I don’t know what she had in that file but watching her cry outside Donatello’s room told me it was more than just paperwork. It took her an entire ten minutes just to pull herself together enough to be able to walk to my SUV.
“Jessie?”
I hum, her fingers brushing over my arm bringing my eyes back to hers.
“Let’s pretend. Just for tonight.” The look on her face tells me she needs this more than I could ever know. A desperation I don’t understand bleeding into her words.
“What are we pretending?”
Her voice cracks, the sound winding around my windpipe. “That we’re okay, that you’re my normal college boy and I’m your girl.”
I reach over, grabbing a hand from her lap to bring to my lips. “Anything for you.” She leans over the console, resting her head against my arm as I link our fingers. My sweet girl is breaking and I’m part of the reason for it. I’ll do anything she wants.
She’s quiet as we get out of the car, following behind me as I open the doors for her. I can tell she’s in her head but I don’t know what she’s so lost in. She walks into my place first, standing in the middle of the open space, arms wrapped around herself as she looks out the windows. I want to take that pain away from her, erase the last few weeks from her memories. I’ve done nothing but make my sweet girl’s life a nightmare since I came back and I don’t know how to fix it. I walk to her and pull her back against my chest, pushing my face into her hair.
“If everyone I love is a monster, does that make me one too?”
I frown into her neck, lifting my head to press a kiss to the top of her ear. “You’re not a monster, Laney.”
She spins in my arms, her fists gripping the front of my shirt. “But you are?”
I swallow, using my palm to brush the hair from her face. “I didn’t think so. Not until recently.”
She just blinks up at me, the pout on her bottom lip catching a stray tear. “Why is everything such a mess all the time?”
I wipe the tear away, running my thumb over her lip. “It’s the world we live in, Laney Girl. We all want things we can’t have and then throw tantrums when we don’t get our way.”
“What do you want Jessie?”
I want you,
