“You should really come down to London more often. I miss having you around here. That's the only time I can justify spreads like this,” she said motioning to the table.
“I would suggest that you come to Belshire, but you know how it is.”
“Hm, let's not talk about that tonight,” she said. The next day I would be catching a train back to Belshire. I loved that I was going to be able to see my son again but the little trips I took to spend time with Missy were honestly a highlight whenever I got to have them. At some point, I would have to think about moving. Isolation in Belshire did me no good. It wasn't that Russell had been the greatest company, he certainly hadn’t been, but since he was gone, my loneliness was magnified that much more. I never really formed a network of friends living in Belshire. Everyone simply knew me as Russell's wife. When I tried to make friends, I felt like they were judging me. I was the poor, clueless woman married to the cheating drunk. It got in the way of trusting people enough to let them in. Maybe moving away finally would give me that fresh start that I wanted and deserved.
The wine flowed and I started to feel a little tipsy.
“So, are you finally telling me about Niall?”
“What about him?”
“What's going on between the two of you?”
“It's complicated.”
“Well, do you like him?” Missy asked.
“Of course, I like him. He's a decent guy, and you've seen him, he isn't bad to look at.”
“So, you’re together or is it something else?”
“It's just that we have a history.”
“Oh, do you now? What kind?”
Missy did not know about the night when Russell sold me in a card game. I bit my lip, thinking about coming clean about it. It was one of my deepest and darkest embarrassments. The fact that Russell had given me to another man wasn't even the worst part, but rather the fact that my son had been conceived that night. And then it only got worse; I had lived for five years with Russell lying about the paternity of my son. Nobody knew, not even Prue. Even his birth documents named Russell as his real father.
Doing it, I never thought about the day when the lies would catch up to me. I just made the decision that I wasn’t telling anyone and the way things were with Russell, the secret was never in any danger of getting out. Frankly, I never counted on ever seeing Niall again and I surely never counted on Russell dying on me. Now, things were more complicated than I could have ever anticipated, and I was running myself ragged trying to maintain things the way they were. Things could never go back to the way they were though, could they? I looked at the wine in my glass, swishing it around.
“It's complicated,” I said again.
“Try me,” Missy said.
“He is Riley's father.”
“What?” Missy whispered, jaw slackening. That felt surprisingly good, finally getting it out. Why stop there?
“Yeah. Niall and I slept together many years ago and I got pregnant from it.”
“Did Russell know? Surely, he didn't. He wouldn’t raise another man’s child as if they were his own; he was far too selfish. How did you hide it all these years?”
“He was selfish regardless. He wasn’t attentive, even though he did think Riley was his. He just didn’t care. Besides, Riley looks so much like me, he probably never felt the need to raise the alarm.”
“So, the two of you know each other. How did you meet?”
“It was a complete shamble. It was right after the honeymoon. Russell and I were newlyweds and he was gambling that night. Long story short, he ended up staking me in a bet and he lost. Niall was the man who won.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Russell did what?”
It was so long ago now, and I was so numb to it that it no longer shocked or horrified me what Russell did that night. It was nice getting a reminder that what he did was despicable, even though the events that followed where some of my fondest memories, and had given me the greatest treasure in my life, my son.
“You know how he was with gambling. He put me up in a card game and he lost. I had to spend the night with Niall. The plan wasn't to sleep with him. He never pressed the issue either, but we were both drinking, and one thing led to another. The next day, I went back to Russell, he didn't ask about what happened, and I never told him. Nine months later, Riley was born, and luckily, Russell and I had been intimate around the same time so he didn't suspect anything.”
“So, he died without learning the truth?”
“The truth was hardly something he cared about, Missy. What if I had told him? What then? It wasn't that like he wanted a child anyway. I wasn't risking becoming destitute if he flew into a rage and kicked us out. He was barely engaged as a father or as a husband. I could have had an entire litter of kids and he wouldn't have noticed. I can’t feel sorry for that decision. I can’t.”
“Well, does Niall know the truth?”
“No, of course not.”
“Why not?”
I looked at her askance. “I can't tell him. I certainly could not tell him at
