And she was now going to repay that love by crushing him.
“How did I get here, dad?” Carmen mumbled, shaking her head to herself. “How did I get to the point where I made such a selfish decision?”
“Because you’re human,” he replied, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “And it’s okay to want things. Yes, you went about it the wrong way, but you now have a chance to make it right. So do it. Do right by Asa. Let the boy go, Carmen.”
Coffee coloured eyes flashed in Carmen’s mind. Eyes that had looked at her with amazement, with tenderness. With love.
Eyes that would soon look at her with pain and hatred.
But this was the bed she’d made, and she was going to need to learn to sleep on it, whatever the consequences.
Even if it meant giving up the one real thing she’d ever known.
•••
By the time December rolled around, school had started too, everyone’s short break for Thanksgiving coming to an end and their lives falling back into their normal schedules.
Asa’s world, however, didn’t feel normal.
What was normal supposed to mean anyway? Because yes, the sun was still in the sky, and the weather was still chilly and the school hallways were still the same and Monday morning blues were visible on every student’s face.
But there was also that pressure right in the middle of his chest where his lungs met. It had been there since the fight with Carmen, as if he’d been holding his breath ever since. And there was that cavity in his chest, a hollow space in his ribcage where his heart used to be. A heart that refused to come back to him despite his pleas.
So, again, what exactly was he supposed to consider normal anymore?
Because when he saw the world around him now, he saw a frozen sun with frost spreading over it. He saw wilted flowers and when night fell, he saw a cracked moon with a split running right down its centre. He didn’t see the world anymore, all he could see was that painting from Carmen’s journal.
She’d stormed into his life like the hurricane that she was, and redefined his version of normal. It was still the same world, but he’d grown so used to seeing it through Carmen’s eyes that he didn’t know how to view it any other way now.
Asa hadn’t seen Carmen today, not yet. Then again, they’d never usually run into each other in the mornings. It was always during lunch and spares and the rides back home.
It was lunch now, though. And Asa’s mind was literally blank, rendering him ridiculously incapable of making up his mind on where he was going to spend it.
Because he knew the instant he stepped into that cafeteria, his eyes would search for the head with endless midnight hair, and he wasn’t ready, not yet, to look into those thundercloud eyes. He wasn’t ready to get struck by a lightning bolt they would send his way. He wasn’t ready for that to kick-start his lungs and allow him to release the pressure in his chest. He needed that pressure for a little while longer, just a little while. It reminded him that things had been real. Once.
“Mr San Román?”
Asa snapped out of his reverie with a start, darting his eyes towards his AP History teacher who was looking at him curiously.
“Not planning on going for lunch?” the teacher asked, cocking a brow.
“Sorry,” Asa mumbled, yanking his bag from the ground next to his chair and swinging one strap over his shoulder, letting it dangle crookedly against his back.
He walked out of the classroom and into the crowded hallways where everyone was rushing about, either running towards their lockers to stuff their materials in or heading in the direction of the cafeteria. Asa kept his head down, brows slightly pulled together and his mind a million worlds away.
Then he bumped into something hard, making him stumble back a few steps.
“Sorry,” he quickly apologised, lifting his head back up, “I didn’t…” The words died the second his eyes met Hunter’s icy ones. But something else caught his attention right then—the dark colouring on the lower part of Hunter’s jaw, a bruise that was at least a day old.
“Whoa, what happened?” Asa asked, his brows furrowing further as he stared at it.
“Why the fuck do you care?” Hunter snarled back, distaste evident in his tone.
Asa knew that right then, Hunter’s anger wasn’t necessarily directed at him, but at whoever had thrown the punch. That didn’t mean he had to be okay with being treated that way though. So Asa just shook his head to himself, wondering yet again what redeeming qualities Carmen saw in the asshole, and began to walk away.
He didn’t get to go that far though, because Hunter’s hand grabbed his forearm and yanked Asa back.
Asa sighed in frustration. “Okay, I’m really not in the mood for a fight. Just forget I asked anyth—”
“Happened yesterday during practise,” he muttered. Asa was confused for a split second before Hunter pointed towards the bruise. “Lost my temper with the quarterback.”
“I’m guessing he’s in worse shape,” Asa commented dryly, knowing what it was like to be on the receiving end of Hunter’s anger.
Hunter frowned slightly at that. “Not really... I think I kind of held back.”
Asa’s eyes flickered towards the wall at the other end of the hallway. “Why?”
Through his peripheral vision, Asa saw Hunter shrug. “Don’t know.” His tone remained nonchalant, “He was my teammate? I’m his captain and, I don’t know, just didn’t feel right to have to raise my fist to someone who was supposed to look to me for guidance.”
Asa’s eyes left the wall, landing on Hunter’s ones again instead.
“Okay,” he said,
