Don’t break don’t break don’t break don’t break, Carmen reminded herself. Carmen, don’t you dare break.
Her mind kept chanting those stupid words in a never-ending loop, as if repeating those words in her head would help keep her feet planted on the ground and stop her knees from buckling underneath her while her carefully constructed world crumbled with the blow of Hunter’s words.
“Does he know?” Hunter asked, eyes gleaming with the joy of a predator who’d found the prey’s jugular vein, ready to sink its teeth right there. “About you, Carmen? Does he?”
Carmen felt her chest constrict at the way her name was thrown out of his mouth, like it’d burnt his tongue and left a foul taste behind.
“You know, in a twisted way, the two of you would actually be a perfect fit for each other.” He laughed, as if he was enjoying an inside joke that only he knew of. “But no, I think even San Román has better standards than that. Not even he could stoop this low.” Calculating blue eyes fell on Carmen once again, remorseless and ice cold. “If you’re thinking he’ll be able to save you the way he does the other weak, pathetic students here, you’re so wrong,” Hunter muttered, already bored with this one-sided conversation. “You can’t be saved, Carmen.”
“You loved her, didn’t, you?” Carmen asked, voice shaking, but determined to say something despite the shattering of her heart into a thousand shards.
The smirk fell from Hunter’s face, and his eyes grew even more hateful as they burnt holes into Carmen’s head.
But Carmen took advantage of his momentary speechlessness. “My… my mother,” she choked out, her breathing getting heavier and faster. “She took care of you, didn’t she? When your mum passed away? She was the surrogate mother for you, right?” Her hand tightened its grip on her bag, because everything around her was swimming, and she just needed something to stay grounded.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
“Is that why you hate me so much?” Carmen asked, managing to keep her voice steady despite everything inside her being ripped apart inch by inch without even an atom of mercy. “You lost your birth mum and then you lost your aunt—my mum—who was the closest thing you had to a motherly figure? Because… because i-it was my fault, wasn’t it?”
Hunter pushed himself off the locker and stepped closer, bringing his face down to Carmen’s with such venom pouring out of his eyes and clenching his fists as if he wanted to pound the daylights out of everything that breathed. “Yes,” he spat in a low voice so that she was the only one who could hear him. “You killed her. You.” And then the cold smirk returned. “Spare San Román the efforts of saving you. That boy may like broken things, but you’re not broken, Carmen. You’re a goddamn abomination. And anyone brought into this world the way you were, are incapable of being loved.”
It’s not true not true not true not true not true.
You can’t cry, Carmen, don’t cry please don’t cry please please please.
She shook her head, but she no longer knew who she was trying to convince. “My dad does,” she whispered. “My dad loves me—” Her voice broke, her throat tightening as the lump there just grew bigger and more painful.
“What dad?” Hunter chuckled. “Your mum’s husband? Last time I checked, he’s not your biological father. My heart goes out to the poor guy. You’re not even his responsibility, and now you’ve all but turned into a burden that probably reminds him of what happened to his wife.”
And then Hunter was gone before she could even catch her breath, leaving a trail of the shards of her crushed and broken heart behind him as he walked further and further away.
•••
Carmen could hear the loud laughter and shouts in the hallway even though the door to the art room was closed.
Then again, it was still lunch and students didn’t particularly mind their behaviour all too much during this time. She knew she was supposed to be in the cafeteria as usual. That she should be seated at the table next to Joyce, along with Willa and Lottie as usual.
But Hunter had thrown a wrecking ball right at her chest, and she’d lost all appetite, choosing to seek refuge in her safe haven right here.
She had her art journal out, and her charcoal pencils, sketch pens, and crayons littered both her table and the vacant desk next to hers.
Carmen’s fingers put more pressure on the blue crayon she was currently using to colour in the upper half of the page as the sky on a spring morning. But as Hunter’s words kept replaying in her head like a broken record, her hand movements became harsher, more forceful, and the crayon snapped into two, breaking her stream of thoughts.
“Goddammit,” she cursed and grabbed the two halves of the crayon before throwing them at the wall.
The door to the classroom opened just as the pieces hit the wall and then fell to the floor, slowly rolling in the direction of the door and stopping only when they hit the intruder’s shoes.
Carmen’s creased forehead and deep frown instantly softened when her eyes landed on Asa who was looking at the broken crayon at his feet in confusion.
A few seconds later, his eyes slowly met hers.
“Someone’s having a bad day,” he stated, raising a brow.
“I’m fine,” she muttered, averting her eyes and staring at the half-completed entry in her art journal.
“I’m sure,” he said easily as he bent down to retrieve the pieces, but Carmen picked up on the subtle sarcasm in his tone.
“I am,” she insisted.
Asa walked towards her, dropping the two halves of the crayon on top of her journal before
