“I did go to that party. It was lame and I left before midnight. Spent the New Year in a cab with a guy named John.”
Come to think of it, I got home well after sunrise which didn’t make a lot of sense. My head hurt trying to reason that out, and I wondered if the beer I drank had a higher alcohol content then I realized.
“Oh, Jane. My plain Jane.” Her tone was filled with pity, but I didn’t care. I realized that college was supposed to be fun and the time of my life, which it was, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t want more from my relationships. In high school, college guys seemed so cool and now that I was here, they seemed lame, immature, and only interested in getting into my pants. I didn’t think I wanted that, and besides what was the rush anyway?
“I’m content to wait for a guy who is worthy of me.” I shrugged again, my default response knowing she couldn’t see me over the phone. I bet she was rolling her eyes.
Nina snorted, but hey, the joke was on her. I wouldn’t have to worry about some stranger’s sexual history or crazy ex-girlfriend. Guys took forever to mature, practically centuries these days, and I didn’t have the patience for a broken heart when my academic career was dependent on my GPA and scholarship.
“Oh my god, you’ll either wait until marriage or never get laid.” I imagined her flopping on her hotel bed in a dramatic heap of disappointment.
Sighing, I said, “I’m not sure how my virginity became a group project.”
“It’s not per say, but this is college.”
“Right, something I’d like to finish without an eighteen-year commitment to another human being I’m not ready to raise.” I reiterated my plans to deaf ears. Nina would come home with her sun-kissed tan, ruby lips, and totally make me a project.
“Um there’s something called a condom.” She snorted.
“Sure, but even that’s not one hundred percent.” I rubbed the spot above my heart feeling it pull and throb. I needed to get out of this conversation, but she was relentless.
“What about that guy in our Literature seminar?”
I picked at fuzz on my pajama clad knee. Oh, I knew who she meant, but I played dumb.
“Which one? The hall is filled with a hundred students.”
“The Greek god looking one. What’s his name?”
I mumbled, “Dorian Knight?”
“He’s always staring at you.”
That might have been true. A few times I caught his cocky grin eying me like a piece meat about to be devoured. It wasn’t the warm and fuzzy kind of feeling either. It was the sort of feeling that lodged in your belly and weighed heavy with unease like you were going to be sick.
“Okay Nina, him and his crew of beautiful people would laugh their asses off if I got within ten feet of him. He practically has a security crew of groupies.”
Weird groupies. An exotic looking bunch that dressed in designer clothes and didn’t take college seriously at all. Like, why were they even there? I figured they could have found better, more entertaining ways to spend their parent’s money, like on a Mediterranean yacht for instance, or hopping between chalets and Swiss ski resorts.
“Whatever. I think he broke up with his girlfriend, you know that goth looking bitch who spilled coffee on us our freshman year. You should totally ask him out.”
Dorian Knight was a legend in our school. It was rumored he and his brother lived in a mansion by the park, and owned a Greek bank that laundered money for the mafia. Whatever his supposed connections were or weren’t, I wasn’t interested in a guy who used money and power to get what he wanted. Oh, and that little matter of his scary ex-girlfriend. It was rumored that she was an artist who bathed in the blood of first year art students to fuel her creativity. They were probably virgins too. No thanks. I’d pass on the school urban legends.
“I should not ask him out. What I should do is work my paper for this coming semester.” I’d recently changed my major from literature to art history and had more classes this semester to make up for in the hopes of catching up.
“Loser.” She drawled.
“Perfect GPA.” I sing-song back.
“I’ll be back this weekend, try not to grow cobwebs over yourself before then.” Nina laughed and hung up.
I starred at the blank screen on the phone. I adored Nina and knew her since freshman orientation. Now that we were in our junior year it felt like we were pulling apart with each class we took separately and each break we spent apart. Soon we would have internships, and if she kept a steady boyfriend, she might even move out before our senior year. I was sad to think of our lives diverging onto new paths despite knowing change was inevitable. I was afraid I’d be here a year from now alone and even more unsure of my hopes and dreams than before. I’d still be the girl from Buffalo with well-off, but distant parents and no idea what I wanted to do. If anything, Nina was good at taking the risks I was afraid to take.
My hunger pang had become more of a sore spot centered over my chest, and I rubbed out the ache over my heart.
Food.
I definitely needed food as all thoughts of boys, friends, and my parents vanished in place of the dark presence that lingered in my mind.
2 It’s funny how nothing ever changes
BASH
There wasn’t a day that hadn’t passed in which I did not give my New Year’s Eve quarry a thought. She consumed me in a way that made life difficult. I couldn’t look at Empire apples and caramel without thinking it might taste like her. I should have killed her while I
