She had a few minutes before her next patient session was due to begin. Admitted three months ago, fifteen-year-old Meghan should have been discharged this week, but she was still struggling with depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts. Her wealthy parents had been more than willing to extend her stay for another month, if not more. Meghan had responded well to treatment at first, but as the weeks wore on, she seemed to regress, incandescent with rage that her parents had hauled her out of school and away from her friends. At least the girl’s anger was a good sign. It meant she’d stopped bottling up her emotions and was experiencing the raw pain of her distress.
It would be a challenge to break through the wall of all that anger, to the hurt and terror smouldering below. But in Erin’s experience, the ones who could access their rage were easier to reach. The outwardly angelic girls, wraithlike and luminous as ghosts, who insisted they were perfectly fine, were another thing. Those were the cases that kept her up at night.
With Tim no longer taking up space in her head, she finally had time for other pursuits. Perhaps she could sign up for a cooking class, or something calming, like yoga or meditation. Get out more, make some friends. Perhaps consider dating again. She glanced at her watch. Ten minutes until her session with Meghan. On impulse, she picked up her mobile and punched in Ray’s number. When he answered, his voice sounded distracted.
‘Hi, it’s Erin.’
A muffled cough, the shuffling of feet. Was he with someone? Stupid of her to call. Of course, he wasn’t alone.
‘Erin?’ Ray’s voice was hoarse, as if he’d just woken up, or recently taken up smoking. A siren blared in the background, followed by the scrape and bang of a window being closed. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Everything’s fine.’ She smiled into the phone. ‘I was just calling to say that Tim’s been released from Greenlake.’
‘Tim’s out?’ He coughed again. ‘Well, that calls for a celebration. Why don’t you come into the city for dinner? Or we could meet somewhere else. Manhattan’s a cesspool in this heat.’
She thought fast. Somewhere on the train line would work. ‘How about Dobbs Ferry?’
‘Perfect. I’ve been wanting to visit the provinces.’ He laughed. ‘At least there’ll be a breeze up there. Shall we meet on the train platform at seven? I’ll be the guy with the red carnation in his buttonhole. In case you’ve forgotten how I look.’ He paused, as if not wanting to end the call. ‘It’s really good to hear from you, Erin.’
She hung up, smiling. It was good to hear his voice, especially now that her heart felt a hundred pounds lighter. He’d sounded happy to hear from her. A surprise, considering how they’d left things the last time. Fleeing his flat like a crazy person when he’d asked about the scar. Perhaps this ongoing flirtation with Ray – if that’s what it was – might actually turn into something.
*
True to his word, Ray was waiting for her on the platform at the stroke of seven. Italian loafers, crisp white shirt, a dark blue linen jacket slung over his shoulder. She smiled as she spotted the red carnation in the buttonhole. As she stepped from the train in her strappy, high-heeled sandals, she felt a bit wobbly on her feet. She rarely wore heels, but relished the extra inches of height they provided, and the feel of warm air on her toes.
Ray leaned in to kiss her cheek. ‘Success becomes you.’ In the soft light of early evening, his eyes were clear as amber.
Indeed. She hadn’t felt this carefree in months.
He took her arm. ‘Shall we walk a bit?’
For the first time in Ray’s company, she could actually let down her guard and be herself. Shed at last the serious demeanour of Dr Cartwright and just be… Erin. No more quizzing Ray about Tim or forcing him to dredge up memories of schoolboy antics from a lifetime ago. Today, they were simply two people, a man and woman, strolling along the river on a summer evening, as swallows swooped over the water, and pleasure boats churned upstream. The sun was deliciously warm on her bare arms, and when Ray took her hand, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
With no need to keep secrets any more, she could relax a little. Perhaps, the next time they met, or the time after, she would even feel ready to tell him who she was. Haul all those festering lies into the light, until they shrivelled on the vine and blew away.
*
The evening with Ray passed like a dream. A perfect meal at a lively restaurant on the water, a shared bottle of wine, an after-dinner stroll as the sun sank into the bluffs across the river. Whatever awkwardness she’d felt with him on previous occasions had vanished. With the Stern case behind her, they were free to discuss other things. Books, art, travel. A memorable meal, all-time favourite films.
After walking her to the station, Ray pulled her into his arms and kissed her while they waited for her train. In his kiss, she could sense the sorrow of parting. But it wouldn’t be for long. They made a date for the following Saturday to visit an exhibition at the Met, and there was
