I knew none of this really mattered anyway; she was better off hating me, thinking I was an asshole. Nothing good would come from me showing her kindness, yet knowing that didn’t make me want to be noble. I wanted this girl around, I wanted to forget the world and get lost in her eyes.
“What’s wrong with you?” She sucked in a sharp breath of air, her voice a lullaby to my ears, calming in a world full of noise. For the first time, I had the urge to tell her I was sorry.
But I refused to let the little mouse under my skin any more than she already was.
“Nothing. I’m perfect. I’m rich, smart and good-looking. Was that question supposed to be, what’s wrong with you?” I asked, looking calmly back at her. I wanted her to yell at me, call me any name she could think of. I wanted her anger, but instead I got her tears. This time they weren’t slow and contained though, this time Madison cried like her heart was breaking and finally I felt like complete shit.
The worst part was, she didn’t even run. She stood there, challenging me, even as the tears thundered down her face, violent and uncontrollable.
“You’re right. You are rich, you are smart, but you are so hateful the ugly can’t help but bleed through.” She turned and disappeared into the kitchen.
“Go make sure she doesn’t get into trouble.” I barked at my sister. Tamlin stood and gave me a look of vile disgust. “Please,” I added as an afterthought.
With that, Tamlin chased off after Madison.
I grabbed my cup and sat down on the couch, closing my eyes and letting my head hang back. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying desperately to forget the sadness in her eyes and the tears that had rolled down her face because of me. I’d never cared about how my reactions would affect other people, but in that moment, I cared.
It mattered to me that I’d hurt Madison, that I’d managed to break her spirit. I smiled to myself, thinking if she knew what my thoughts were right now, she’d laugh and tell me not to think so highly of myself--that I really wasn’t worth anything to her. But I wanted to be, I wanted to be worth something. I wanted to be somebody to Madison.
Two hours.
It’d been two hours since my altercation with Katie and Madison, and I still didn’t want to move. I wanted to sit right there in the spot where she’d been, thinking in some ridiculous way that it would make me feel some sort of connection with her. That she would feel my regret and absolve me through the airwaves.
That was the thing about broken, fucked up people--they tried to get connection wherever they could get it, but because it was something intangible to them they became...well, I became a miserable son of a bitch.
The irony of all of this was that if I wanted I could get any girl I cared to, but the only girl I’d ever really wanted now hated me and it was my own fault. I knew I should’ve gone to find Madison, to tell her that I was sorry, pull out some sort of bullshit lines that girls like. I could shower her with the flowers and romance crap but the truth of the matter was that I liked her too much to pull that garbage on her. I wanted to actually know her and have her know me.
“Kyler, Kyler, come quick!” Madison came screaming towards me. I jumped off the couch immediately, glancing up and down to make sure she was okay. If someone hurt her, I would kill that person.
“Maddy? What’s wrong? What’s the matter?”
She grabbed onto my arms, something that normally would turn me away. I hated being touched by anyone. But my concern for Maddy made me forget my own neurosis for more than a second.
“It’s Tamlin. She’s in one of the rooms upstairs and she’s completely passed out. She’s half-naked and I don’t know what’s going on. I kept smacking her face and she’s not waking up. I called her name, shaking her the whole time. She’s just not getting up. Kyler, I don’t know what to do. I’m really scared.”
My heart thundered at her words.
“Show me.” I ordered, and Maddy grabbed my hand, dragging me through the crowd and up the stairs to the master bedroom, where I saw my sister, her limp body on the bed and completely unconscious. I checked her pulse, relieved to find she was still breathing, but I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then I noticed her clothing, seams torn in places they shouldn’t have been, and that brought next level rage to the surface. I quickly took stock of the situation, noticing that it was just her shirt that was tattered, and her pants still completely intact.
Thank God.
I gathered her body into my arms and started taking her downstairs, Madison following behind me like a shadow. It’s surprising how quickly a bunch of spoiled academy kids move when they see an unconscious girl.
“Maddy, do you know how to drive?” I asked as we ran down the stairs to Tammy’s car.
“Yes, yes.”
“I’m going to sit with her. I need you to drive us over to the hospital.”
Maddy just nodded her head, and as soon as we were at the car, I nestled Tammy and myself in the backseat.
Maddy started the car and drove as if our lives depended on it, and I found myself praying to God, something I hadn’t done since I was a very small child. With stately, white-pillared homes speeding by
