It’s been years since I went to a Founder’s Ball, and I hadn’t planned on breaking that winning streak anytime soon. Zion will likely make an appearance, if just for the free booze, and stay exactly long enough to convince one of the girls from the Bluffs to slum it with him for the night before cutting out early.
Then I think about the look on Vin’s face if he saw me walking into his house, his domain, on the arm of Jake Tully. That was almost enough to make whatever came next seem worth it.
I take the paper and hunch over it, hiding what I’m writing. Jake tries to peek, and I shift my arm up to block his view.
He eagerly leans forward to read what I’ve written when I slide the paper back.
Vin would either kill you or break every tooth in that pretty smile.
That same smile widens as he reads, seeming unbothered by the specter of threat represented by Vincent Renaldo Cortland. Or maybe some mild flirtation is enough to distract him from the fact that he risks serious pain over a girl he barely knows. For a surreal moment, I wonder if Jake might be the only sane person in Deception, like Alice right after she falls through the rabbit hole into Wonderland. The rest of us are operating under some shared delusion, that a senior in high school has the power to control an entire town.
Then I remind myself of the things Vin has done, and I go right back to believing.
Jake slides the paper back, and this time the writing is larger. I wonder if that’s an unconscious signal of something.
But he isn’t your boyfriend?
I quickly write back, any thoughts of actually getting my homework done forgotten. This is the most interaction I’ve had in days.
Fuck no.
When he passes the paper back to me, his fingers touch mine and stay for a beat too long before he pulls them away. It makes me feel sort of light and airy, like I’m flying.
I remind myself that the higher I go, the harder I’ll hit the ground when I inevitably fall.
Then I read what Jake has written and feel the earth rushing up to meet me.
He acts like he’s in love with you.
My hand shakes as I pick up the pen to write. It scares me to know what this looks like from the outside, this twisted dynamic between me and my greatest tormenter.
I don’t have a word for what lies between us, but I know that love is the wrong one.
He loves to torture me. That’s all. This is how it’s always been.
I’m never this honest with anyone, not even Zion. Even talking about Vin gives me the fanciful idea that I’m ceding him even more power over me. I want to erase Vin from my brain, not spend my free time discussing him with a complete stranger.
I don’t have a problem handling him then.
Founder’s Ball?
I remind myself that I can’t let this piece of notepaper leave the library when we’re done. Burning is the best way to destroy evidence, but I’ll eat it if I have to. If Vin ever finds out that I had this conversation, even only in writing, he will make me regret it.
And my imagination isn’t good enough to think of all the ways he might do that.
But I also don’t want to live the rest of my life under someone’s heel. Death would be more preferable than that. This life I have can’t be forever, and the only way it will change is if I do.
And I don’t give a fuck what Vin Cortland thinks about it.
Feeling suddenly defiant, even though I’ll definitely be paying for it later, I take a gel pen and write LET’S GO in big block letters before holding it high enough for him to see.
Jake grins wide. He doesn’t even seem to notice when I take the notepaper back, scrunch it up and shove it in the pocket of my oversized sweatshirt. He stands and murmurs something about getting the details from me later, voice low enough that even Mrs. Markel can’t hear him.
I watch him go, already regretting my impulsiveness. Briefly, I consider running after him and trying to take it all back. As soon as I move to rise, Iain Hewitt steps out from behind a high bookcase and blocks my path.
My gaze follows Jake over Iain’s shoulder as he pushes open the heavy doors and lets them slam shut loudly behind him. I don’t say a word to call him back, and not just because of Mrs. Markel’s laser-eyed attention.
The paper with our messages feels like it burns a hole in my pocket. Iain won’t search me, because he knows as well as I do that he isn’t allowed to touch me. But if he tells me to hand it over, I’m not convinced I’ll refuse.
Iain is built like an MMA fighter, all lean muscle and explosive quickness, but he moves like a cat. I know exactly how much strength lies in the tightly corded muscles of his arms and just how fast he can move. He is the only one who can get around this school as silently as I do, probably why I didn’t realize he was behind that bookcase until it was too late.
I give him a careless shrug as if I don’t have any idea what he wants. One more small bright spot in the barren landscape of this situation.
You can’t be caught in a lie when you never speak.
This will get back to Vin, eventually everything does. That shouldn’t bother me when I’m planning to show up at the Founder’s Ball with another guy, openly defying Vin for the whole town to see. But now I don’t have the chance to change my mind.
There is only one way forward.
I try to shift past Iain, but he steps in to my
