Vin’s back is to me as he pulls the girl in his arms closer against his body. From the garishly purple color of the dress, I can only assume it’s Sophia. He twirls her around so their faces are in profile. When he turns his head toward the doors and sees me standing there, frozen in place, a malicious smile curves his lips. Something drops in the pit of my stomach, as if the ground has disappeared beneath my feet and I’m falling down into darkness.
He bends his head and kisses her.
The entire room lets out the collective breath they’ve been holding in anticipation. This is the sort of moment that people will still be talking about months from now. Vin Cortland never kisses in public, and he never links himself publicly to a girl.
Their kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s long enough. Sophia wraps her arms around his neck while I fight off the feeling that I’ve been punched in the gut. After less than a few seconds, Vin pulls her hands away and uses her wrist as leverage to pull her toward the far doors that lead outside.
I force myself to turn away as they pass within a few feet of where Jake and I stand. The triumphant look on Sophia’s face is imprinted on my brain, burned into my eyes even when they close. I tell myself I don’t care, that Vin can do whatever he wants as long as he stays the hell away from me.
But I’m honest enough to admit that’s a lie.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out they’re headed for the pool house where Vin hosts all his legendary parties. I wonder if he is going to finish with her what he started with me. The idea makes me feel dirty and inadequate.
It makes me feel used.
I tell myself I don’t care. They’re welcome to each other. I hadn’t been lying when I told Vin that he wouldn’t have a problem finding someone stupid enough to marry him. Sophia will fit in well as another gilded fixture in this cold, dark place.
Better her than me.
Jake squeezes my hand and guides me toward the dance floor after they’re gone. His touch is respectful, but demanding. I imagine what his hands might feel like on other parts of my body, but that thought doesn’t arouse anything more than mild interest. I know it would be nice, but not earth-shattering.
As much as I like Jake, there isn’t any passion here.
Vin makes me burn, with hate and a dozen other things I wish I didn’t feel.
But what good is pleasure when it is always accompanied by pain?
Nineteen
Jake doesn’t seem to notice that my mind is somewhere else for the rest of the Founder’s Ball. We dance and eat finger foods together, I even manage to smile and laugh at appropriate intervals. But my mind is on Vin and what he must be doing with Sophia.
I wonder if she even realizes that he is using her. For all I know, she doesn’t care.
Or maybe I’m the one he’s been playing this entire time.
What was it he had said? I chose you because I knew you’d be easy to control.
Sophia wouldn’t know how to play hard to get if you gave her a script with lines to read, so Vin certainly doesn’t need me.
I hate that the realization bothers me.
“Ready to go?” Jake smiles at me in the same gentle way he has since that first morning in the hallway at school.
I realize I’ve missed a good portion of whatever he last said, but nod anyway and return his smile.
He leads me to the door, obviously intending to give me a ride home. I’d gotten a ride here with my brother and a friend of his that managed to get their hands on a car, but Zion is long gone. I don’t have any way to get back to the Gulch unless Jake takes me or I try to bum a ride with Amelia’s family, if they have any room in their van.
But Jake’s question, if I’m ready to leave with him, feels charged with an unspoken invitation.
He drives a gleaming Land Rover Defender that can’t be more than a few years old, but shrugs apologetically when I stroke my hands over the plush leather interior and obviously marvel at the bells and whistles. It’s probably a hand-me-down, from his mother most likely.
Suburban mom’s in luxury SUVs that were originally intended for tours through the African savannah are a common sight on the Bluffs. This is a car for people who apparently need to always be ready for an off-road excursion on their way to the grocery store.
An expensive waste of resources for the self-indulgent.
But Jake is gracious enough to act embarrassed about the ostentatious vehicle. It reminds me of the kind of person who spends all day cleaning and when you arrive gushes don’t mind the mess. I get the impression that he knows his family’s money is something he should pretend not to care too much about.
“I had fun,” he offers, taking my hand as he settles into the driver’s seat.
I smile and squeeze his hand back, though I’m grateful when he pulls it away to put the SUV into drive. His palm is slightly clammy, sweaty like I make him nervous.
Jake is acting so sweet, and all I want to do is go home, crawl into bed, and stay there for the rest of the weekend. It isn’t his fault that my mind has careened off into outer space. But I can’t rewind the clock to an hour ago before I let Vin finger me in a dusty bedroom and then watched him saunter off with Sophia like it never happened.
Normally my restricted speech is a burden. But right now I’m grateful for it. If I can’t tell Jake
