Daniel had never confused chemistry with love. He was becoming a believer now that he’d met Clara. Or maybe he was old enough to know what he wanted in another person now. He’d met Naomi in his early twenties, still a young buck full of pride.
Walking behind Isiah toward an unknown destination brought back other memories. How many times had he done the same thing on an assignment? His adrenaline coursed through him in palpable waves. He missed the excitement of a mission, the way his blood pumped and the feeling that he was alive.
It had been this thrill that had kept him from his family. Daniel, an orphan, had grown up alone and had no experience with letting people in. He’d been bounced around foster homes to anyone who wanted the extra income from social services. He’d kept his nose clean enough to sign up in the military while he was supposed to be walking across the stage at high school graduation.
What the hell did he care about picking up his diploma? There wasn’t going to be anyone waiting in the audience, watching, clapping. And he’d gotten pretty damn good at shutting down his feelings. Hell, he’d never be the kind of guy who lit candles and cooked a fancy French dinner for someone.
But he was loyal. And he’d realized how undervalued a quality that was in other people.
Maybe it was because he realized that losing everyone in his life hurt like hell, no matter how much at arm’s length he’d kept them. There was no escaping the pain. He’d loved Naomi as much as he could love anyone at the time. Even then, he knew she wasn’t the one. He’d never experienced the same thunderclap as the one he’d experienced with Clara.
Losing Naomi had hurt as much as if he’d given his whole self to her. And that bit even worse because he never had a chance to experience the upside. He’d never been able to let himself go enough to truly love her. Had she betrayed him in the end? Yes. Did he wish things hadn’t gone down like they had? Hell, yes.
That was on him. Not learning from his mistakes would doom him to keep making the same ones over and over again. Daniel wasn’t a masochist. If he was going to feel the pain of loss he planned to go all in and reap the benefits of letting himself love Clara.
Granted, there was something different about his relationship with her, something about Clara that made him want to give more.
With every step away from the resort he thought about the dangers he might be confronting. Not because he was afraid but because evaluating potential threat and being prepared would keep him alive.
Focusing on returning to Clara would keep him sharp mentally. The sleepy image of her with her blond locks spilling across the pillow tugged at a place deep inside him, calling up a reservoir of purpose. And an emotion that felt a lot like hope, which was something he hadn’t had in a long time. Too long.
Daniel surveyed his surroundings as Isiah led him off the resort and onto the concrete street. Another ten minutes of walking and they stood at a bus stop.
After catching a bus and then walking another few minutes, Isiah stopped in front of a shack. Sheets used as makeshift curtains blew in and out of the row of small concrete structures with thatched roofs.
Isiah knocked on the partially opened teal blue door.
“Come in,” a female voice instructed.
This was the kind of place where no one was a stranger. It was a small village. Daniel had come across these more times than he could count in his work. Most of the time small villages were filled with decent people—people who kept their spirits high by connecting with each other.
This time, Daniel trusted his instincts. He enjoyed the freedom that came with being able to make his own decisions and not have to account to a supervisor or government. The thrill of danger didn’t hold the same lure over him as it once had. Adrenaline was already fading and instead of energizing him, he just felt tired. So tired. And so ready to breathe again.
He thought of Ruthie. How much he missed his little bug.
The people on this island were no different than him. They wanted to protect their own.
Daniel had been feeling change come over him for the past few years, longer than that if he was being totally honest. He no longer felt the youthful pride that had him wanting to go out and conquer the world. He wanted to go home to the States and build a new life—one that had meaning beyond his selfishness. And he had been selfish. That selfishness had cost him a wife and a daughter, both of whom he’d loved as much as he was capable.
It was easier to go all-in with a child than with a spouse, he’d noticed.
Of course, those were two very different types of love. His child’s innocence and unconditional love had made it so much easier to give his heart over. The love between adults was far more complicated. There was too much risk, too much at stake for a young and immature guy who’d only known living on his own, depending on himself in order to survive.
Daniel almost laughed out loud. He’d never been one to shy away from hazards. Putting himself in physical danger was something he could control. He was the best at what he did. There was no doubt about it. Putting his heart on the line was new territory.
The question that had kept him awake countless nights in the last two years was: if Naomi had walked out on him when she wanted to would she and Ruthie still be alive?
He’d deserved it, deserved her leaving him. He hadn’t cheated. Loyalty had never
