“Oh, all over. We hit the northern states during the summer months, and then spend the winters in Arizona and California.” She paused. “We decided a long time ago neither of us liked being tied down, so home is wherever we park for the night. Kind of like the old days when we were Deadheads.”
Wade turned the music up a notch. “We were tapers for the first five years. Taped every show. Kindra got really good at jewelry, and we were able to sell enough to get by. The nomad life suited us, and when we drifted out of the scene, we decided we didn’t need to follow a band around to have what we wanted.” He patted Kindra’s leg affectionately.
She took his hand. “Which was each other, and to do what we felt like, when we wanted, and travel wherever our hearts led. We both quit school our sophomore year and never looked back.”
“That’s a beautiful story,” I admitted. Among my friends, many came from divorced families, and more than a few from single mothers.
“It’s all about enjoying the trip with someone you love,” Kindra said. “The roads all lead to the same place, so having fun on the ride is the most important thing. Which we do every day.”
Wade winked at Kindra. “You’re just trying to get on my good side, aren’t you?”
Kindra caught my eye in the mirror before looking to Wade. “I wound up with the most amazing man I ever met. I would hope I’m on your good side every day. I’d better be, after this buildup.”
They laughed together again, and I could see they were easy with each other’s idiosyncrasies and flaws, and saw each other differently than I did.
I fell silent and thought about Jared in light of Kindra and Wade’s obvious attachment to each other so many years after first meeting, and especially about the magic they felt, which had clearly continued to this day. They were obviously dirt poor and leading an existence many would shun, yet seemed completely happy with their choices…and each other. I considered my own situation and wondered whether I was sabotaging our budding relationship out of anxiety that he’d never come up with a solution where we could be together. Was that possible? That my fear over losing the only man in my life I’d ever loved had brought about the very thing I was afraid of?
Because as angry as I’d been, I did love Jared. That wasn’t the issue. It was partly about defending myself from the pain that would come if he walked away for any reason. Even though he’d sworn he wouldn’t, there was still always the chance his feelings would change, or that they weren’t real to begin with. Partly about his shutting me out, making decisions or investigating or whatever he was doing and saying he’d let me know later. And then of course, there were the tiny little immortality and bloodlust problems…
Wade intruded on my morose thoughts with a question. “There’s a market up ahead. You want anything? Bottle of water or soda? Food? We’re going to stop and use the restroom.”
I felt in my pants for the money I still had left. “Not for me. But I’ll treat for anything you guys want.”
Kindra beamed at me in the mirror. “You don’t have to do that, honey.”
“No, seriously. You’re giving me a ride. Or if you’d rather, I can give you some money for gas.”
Wade and Kindra exchanged a look. “Always been the same,” Wade said with a laugh. “Remember the bumper sticker? Gas, grass, or–”
Kindra cut him off. “Ten bucks for gas would go a long way, Lacey. Thanks. I wish we were in a position where it didn’t matter, but, well, until we hit the fair…”
I fished a ten from my pocket and then swapped it for a twenty and handed it to her. “You’ve been more than kind. It’s the least I can do.” I didn’t tell them that the money was as much a payment for the free therapy as for the lift. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I got to Ridley, but just being around them had forced me to view my thoughts of the prior day through a different lens, and I now was willing to admit I might have created a crisis for all the wrong reasons.
When we stopped at the market, I put in the battery, switched on my cell, and tried to call Jared, but the signal was too weak and the call wouldn’t go through. I swore under my breath and debated returning to the house. But by the time Kindra and Wade emerged from the store, my pride had gotten the better of my hesitation, and I decided to see the trip to Ridley through. If nothing else, I could get some of my stuff. True, I was now willing to admit to myself that I might have acted prematurely. The problem was that there was no definitive way for Jared to prove he could ever find a solution to our problem, which meant I would have to trust him – and the truth was I barely knew him, at least in this lifetime.
And the thought of trusting someone who could break my heart scared me more than anything else.
Except enduring a lifetime without Jared, imprisoned by my fear…that wasn’t any better. Spending just the small amount of time with Kindra and Wade had reminded me that there was something better than living inside my head, surrounded by worst-case scenarios of my own devising.
If they could cobble together happiness out of adversity with only each other, I was being a complete idiot by running from the only chance I had of it, instead of giving it everything I could.
The only question that mattered was whether I could ever be happy knowing that I’d walked away from Jared for all the wrong reasons, rather than staying for the only right
