“Get your coat; we're going for a little walk outside.”
It was 2.30pm already
“I want you to get used to normal sounds and noise and practise tuning it out. Not just the sounds, but visual, scents and touch as well. You need all those inputs to be tuned down to a normal level, so you can decide which sense you want to focus on around you. When you get used to it you can let all the senses in or choose which ones you need or don’t need. Remember to think of all that background noise around you as a radio that you can turn down. I want to see how you cope, then we can target your learning exactly where you need it most. If it all gets too much, turn to visualising your beach and waves. Let's go.”
“You're really throwing me into the deep end here. What about all the people everywhere, what if I jump on someone that I happen to like the smell of too much?”
I was genuinely worried about my own actions in the vicinity of people.
“There may be a little risk, but not the same as being in an enclosed area. We're staying outside, so you should be okay. Anyway I have full trust in your capabilities to focus on your waves when you feel out of control. You're very good at that.”
I wished I shared his confidence, but it was reassuring to know he did anyway. I had obviously impressed him with something, which felt quite good.
“We're starting at a fairly quiet place anyway. There's a park, just around the corner. That's where we'll be heading first. Then we'll assess how you are doing.”
He walked confidently towards the door that led to the outside world.
“Okay, here goes nothing." I mumbled and followed him out.
The fresh air caressed my face, it felt wonderful. It was good to be outside and it made me realise how well I felt, compared to the last few days. It was like a fog had lifted and for the second time in my life I experienced the world as it should be, just like when I was little. The sun was shining a little and I had to put sunglasses on, but I noticed Zack did too, so that must be quite normal for us then. I braced myself for the onslaught of stimulations, but was surprised to feel recognition rather than panic.
I just started to relax a bit, when a group of teenagers walked towards us. I tensed up and grabbed Zack's hand. To my surprise, he held it firmly. I thought he might have rejected my hand and tell me to get a grip, but he didn't. When the group of rather smelly and loud boys had passed, he let go. Apart from noticing their rather acrid body odours, I did not get any urges to jump on any of them. Maybe Zack hadn't been completely truthful on that point!
“How are you doing?" he asked as he looked me straight in the eyes.
I didn't know how to answer. I felt strangely liberated, but anxious at the same time. There were a lot of stimuli and my brain was working overtime trying to process it all at the same time.
“I think I need to start tuning out soon. I'm letting it all in at the moment and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.”
My brain ached, it was getting too much. People, water, wind, food, trees, traffic, sun, faces, dogs, birds. They were all competing for my attention.
“Focus, Eliza. Focus now, before you lose it.”
I heard Zack's urgency in his voice. I tried my hardest to envisage a volume knob and turn down each individual sense. It took a while but it was working, I was able to think clearly now and I saw Zack visibly relax. He must have thought he was going to have a major melt down on his hands and I was glad I was able to keep it together. Not for long though, I was feeling exhausted after only being out for only about thirty minutes. How on earth was I ever going to cope with living outside my room?
“Brilliant. Well done! I'm really impressed with how you kept control Eliza, it's not easy. We'll go back to our room now and do some more exercises there. Don't worry about how long or short you lasted. It will be second nature to you soon. Don't be too impatient with yourself.”
It never ceased to amaze me how well he could read me. I was still so busy with trying to control the inputs so I didn't get overwhelmed, I was wondering when, if ever, I could actually use them to my advantage.
“Can I rest a bit, please, before going into the next exercise?
Zack agreed. He thought it would be good as Zaphire was coming to help later, so I should relax beforehand, to build up my energy to cope with my urges towards her.
I was nervous to see Zaphire again. I was much better at not acting on my impulses but that didn't mean they weren't there. I wanted to look good for her, so after I'd rested a bit I went to put some make-up on. I looked critically at my face for a minute and was disgruntled to conclude that I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin was pale and a bit puffed up.
“What are you doing?" Zack piped
