Zack's eyes inscrutable as he scanned my body language. I felt empty. It was worse than I had expected and I just wanted to cry.
“Will I get a chance to see my mum before I go in? Please?" I pleaded, resenting my voice cracking. I wanted to at least appear strong.
“No." Zack simply stated.
“You can see her afterwards and spend some time at home. You can then decide if you want to stay with us, and become the best Sensorian you can. Have a fulfilling life with us where you won't have to hide your gift, but can use it to do good. By then, you will know within yourself if you can be loyal to us and submit to our rules.”
Zack didn't show any empathy for my plight. There were no encouraging words, no sympathetic squeeze of my hand not even a reassuring nod. Absolutely nothing. I desperately needed a little sign, anything to show he was still on my side.
“Zack, I don't know if I am ready for this." I tried to elicit some reaction.
“You have no choice, Eliza. This is it. Your time to prove you can bear the consequences of your actions and come out a better person. Stronger. More accountable. Don't let me or yourself down. We'll be here for you afterwards. Zaphire, and everyone else.”
He got up and finally I sensed a bit of emotion in him, a litter glimmer to show he cared. It was enough for me. I could do this.
“There's no need to pack a bag. No personal items are allowed apart from your books. Tomorrow you can write a list of books you might want to read. Everything else is provided. You'll have to strip down in your cell and get changed in the clothes made available to you.”
“Am I going now? Straight away?" I asked slightly panicked.
Everything was moving so fast.
“Unless you have another question?" he offered.
I desperately tried to think of something to procrastinate. Stretching the time I was still able to talk and have relative freedom.
“What about the fitness test tomorrow? Am I still doing that?"
He looked at me incredulously.
“Of course. It's obligatory. At 6am.”
“Oh my God! Why so frigging early?" I couldn't help but exclaim to Zack's obvious annoyance.
“Better get used to it as I already said you have exercise every morning at 6 am." he said grumpily.
“Anything else?”
I needed to come up with another question quickly to postpone the inevitable just that little bit longer. I didn't want to start my time in solitude.
“What happens when I feel ill? How am I going to let you know if I can't talk?”
Zack just snorted. Stupid question of course. He would sense if something was wrong with me. Duh.
“If there's anything serious you need to talk about, you may write a note. I will either respond to it or not, depending on the issue. However, don't abuse that privilege because it will be retracted. Then you would just have to speak and be punished for it, however urgent it is.”
Zack moved towards the door. I felt my time was up and I capitulated. I got up from my chair and followed him out with heavy legs. This was it now. A month of isolation ahead. I sincerely hoped I would come out stronger. Not broken. I wanted to help them find my father. Stop him from exposing every one of us and stop his stupid plan to take over society. I had to prove to them I was ready for it, prove my loyalty to Zack, Zaphire and all of the Sensorian community. But most of all I had to prove it to myself.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First of all I'd like to thank my husband Steve for encouraging me to start writing this book and giving me the time to do so, plus his sometimes not so patient, but always given, IT support. Lots of withering looks were banded about in the process. He's not read the book yet as I think he's scared he might think it's rubbish and wouldn't want to tell me! Also thank you to my children Nienke, Bentley and Hanneke who had to sometimes put up with a very absent minded mum or asked to 'hang on a minute' whilst finishing a sentence or two. Hanneke needs a special mention as she was a more than willing audience to having my book read out loud to her, to check if everything made sense to a teenager (and to pick out some more little mistakes!). Some valuable lessons were learned and consequently changes were made to the book that I'd otherwise would have missed.
My biggest thanks goes to my friend Clare, who read all my rough first drafts and had to endure listening to me ramble on about it on our dog walks together. Her comments, help with English, and constructive criticism have been invaluable. Without her I probably would never have finished it or dared to let anyone else read it.
Also thank you to my other Guinea Pigs; my sister Margot, her partner Miquel, my friends Annemarie and Carol who read it and again came back with lovely encouraging comments plus some valuable criticism and advice on grammar and spelling. They and some of my other friends, Denise, Nic, Becky and Emma and my daughter Nienke were also extremely helpful in helping to write the blurb which I found an almost impossible task.
Another big thank you goes to Lauren, who was ‘volunteered’ by my husband to check spelling and grammar once more, giving it its last QC. It was definitely necessary!
Last but not least I'd like
