“We can discuss the books, and I’ll look over your papers before you turn them in. It will be easy. Promise,” I said.
“If you say so,” he said.
Pushing my chair back, I stood and threw my things into my bag, looking at him hopefully. His mood has soured, and I almost felt bad for him. His cheery facade had deflated, and I knew it was because I mentioned ball.
“Now that we have a game plan, we can get started next week. Oh, and get those two books this weekend,” I said.
“Walk over to the bookstore with me. I want to make sure I get the right ones.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. What was his deal? One minute he liked me, and then he hated me, and now he wanted me to walk with him somewhere? He shoved his fists into his pockets, waiting for my answer.
“How many books do you know by that title?” I asked.
“Please?” he asked, giving me puppy dog eyes. I knew they worked on other girls, and it only pissed me off that it worked on me.
“Fine,” I said, defeated. I couldn’t imagine the questions I would get when I show up at my place of work with someone like Liam.
I walked beside him, quiet as he was. I was conflicted. Part of me thought I was a conquest, and the other part of me was hopeful that he could have been a friend and I just blew it. I stole a glance at him. His head was down, but he caught me.
“You don’t have to hide it. I was meant to be looked at,” he said.
“You’re an ass, you know that, right?”
“That’s what you keep telling me,” he said, nudging my shoulder with his gently playing. Butterflies took flight in my belly. “I’m kidding, you know that, right?” he mocked.
“Then why hide who you are?”
“What about you? Are you really as shy and innocent as you come off?” he asked, throwing me for a loop. “You give off as many mixed signals as me.”
I was stunned with that question. Suddenly I was in another state, in my home, curled up in a ball. I knew as soon as I was handed the money, I was gone. The note, the stares, the accusations, it was all true. I wasn’t as shy and innocent as I came off. I was desperately clinging to the fact that I could become someone else.
“This is college. I can be who I want,” I said. I looked at him as we walked. He looked like he wanted to pry but he dropped it, and for that I was thankful.
“So, do you like to read? Can you write? Or am I with a shitty partner?”
His question made me laugh out loud. “I can write when I have to. I love reading, and movies; they’re my escape I guess.”
“Escape from what?”
We were stopped in front of the bookstore. His intense gaze was hard and firm. I wondered why I was opening up to him. The whole idea that I was talking to someone I barely knew was mind-blowing to me.
“We’re here,” I said, pointing to the building behind him. When he didn’t move, I walked inside, with him trailing behind me. I grabbed the books and went to the register. Luckily, a girl I hadn’t met was working tonight. I wouldn’t be bombarded with questions next time I walked in.
She stared at him, and then back at me. I know what she was thinking. The same thing they all were. Why the hell did this guy want to be seen with me?
“You’re all set,” I said as we walked down the steps, away from the bookstore.
“Why did you move across the country? What are you running from?” he asked, intensely holding my gaze.
“When you bury your monsters, you don’t talk about them anymore,” I said as honestly as I could. He seemed to accept that. The truth was, he had things he wouldn’t ever tell me, and that was okay. Why would you share your deepest, darkest secret with your English tutor?
“I’ll see you next week,” I said as I walked away.
“What if I don’t want to wait that long?” he asked, and I stopped dead in my tracks.
“You made the deal.” Stay far, far away from me, Liam Shafer.
Twelve
I learned a few things this week: Autumn had secrets, she was passionate about stories, I shouldn’t make deals without thinking them through, and I was royally fucked. None of this should matter. I felt like a broken record, playing the same tune over again. I didn’t want a girlfriend. I didn’t want to party. I wasn’t playing ball. I was over everything. So, why was anyone having any sway over that?
The only thing that had ever kept me going was baseball. When my mom died, I spent every day on the field. When my father decided his words weren’t harsh enough so his fists would have to do, you guessed it—I went to the field. My dad married a girl who graduated when I was in eighth grade? I started pitching faster than I ever had before. That was the only reason I had a scholarship—my determination.
Baseball was my fix before the wreck. Maybe this entire time I’d been searching for something else to give me the same rush of adrenaline. It wasn’t a sport, just atoned redhead who was quick to tell me when I was full of shit. She was my fix, and it scared the shit out of me to think I could mess that up in anyway. So, I wouldn’t be making any moves on her. I just watched her from a distance, keeping her as an acquaintance. When I didn’t have pitching anymore, the universe sent me this redhead to keep going.
Josie was leaving Brandon’s room when I walked from mine. She gave
