Twenty-Seven
When I woke up, I was tangled in Liam Shafer’s sheets and he was staring at me with a shit-eating grin as he traced my bare back. Groaning, I only pretended he was bothering me. The truth was, I’d never been a morning person, but after last night happened, I thought I could find ways to wake up easier. If only I could have stayed safely wrapped in the comfort of his arms just a while longer.
I watched the neighborhood streak by as I smiled over our morning. His music was soft, barely audible over the loud motor. His fingers were entangled in mine as his thumb circled my skin.
Liam deserved the world, and I had to do my part by showing him everything that I was. After being in the constant stream of drama that was his life, I was certain he could handle mine. Well, I was hoping. I had a gnawing suspicion he’d look at me differently after today.
“This is it,” he announced as he parked as closely as we could get to my dorm. I unbuckled my seatbelt, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. I hoped with everything I was that Josie wasn’t in. She would snoop for sure. She probably already had.
I slid the bent key into the lock, slightly jiggling it to open the old door. I wondered if it was too late to yell, ‘Surprise, we’re playing board games!’ instead of dragging out that awful safe under my bed.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, and with his eyebrow cocked he looked around the small, dingy dorm. “So, what’s the big secret? You have a dead body in here?”
I rolled my eyes, letting out the best laugh I could muster in that moment. “I wish.”
His brow furrowed at my choice of words. “That was a first.”
I ignored his banter. Throwing my small purse onto my bed I reached underneath, slowly dragging my small secret keeper from its hidden place. I entered the code. Kaleb’s birthday. It was always his birthday now. With a long, exasperated sigh, I grabbed a newspaper clipping and handed it to him.
“What’s this?” he asked, confused.
“Just read it.”
I watched as his face smoothed from confusion and into surprise. He rubbed his forehead before sitting down on my bed, reading it again.
“This was your family,” he finally said.
“My mom and my brother.”
For reasons unknown to me I grabbed the article from him, gluing my eyes to the words. The truth was this was the third article. The last one. They had given up.
A 46-year-old woman and her son, 16, died after driving a car into the lake one year ago today, police and fire officials said.
Authorities on Monday identified the dead woman as Alicia Miller, and her son, Kaleb Miller.
Kaleb Miller died on impact; Alicia was in serious condition when she was pulled from the submerged Altima by emergency divers. Local medics attempted to resuscitate her at the scene, then took her to the hospital, but Miller later died on the way to the hospital, a spokesperson for the police department said.
The investigation has concluded, and no foul play was involved. Although toxicology report for the driver, Kaleb Miller, was comprised, the department has ruled this an accident.
Anyone with additional information may call 410-396-2100.
Kaleb.
His name slammed into me like a dull knife, gashing open wounds I’d slapped a mental band aid on, while pretending everything was okay. Each time I forgot, the tragedy struck again, and the festering wound ripped open again. Our sins. They never fully went away.
I tucked the article back into the safe, sighing. Here goes nothing, Liam. I hope you don’t hate me. I opened the safe door wider, showing him the stack of cash tucked safely in the bottom, under the articles, the memories, the pictures, and the note.
His eyes went wide, but he quickly composed himself. “Autumn. What is that?”
“Insurance money. My brother insisted we take policies out on all of us. I was the beneficiary. He made sure of it.” I gave him the best smile I could manage. I wasn’t sure what the hell else to do. I had never actually admitted it out loud. With nothing else to hide, I grabbed the note and handed it to him, reading over his shoulder.
Please know you did everything you could. This is not your fault. I can’t continue like this. I can’t pretend everything is okay.
I know what he did to you last week. He has done it to me for the last five years. I can’t take it anymore, but you are stronger than me.
I want you to take every penny you can and leave, Autumn. And know in the bottom of my heart, I am at peace now. And you will be too when you get away from him.
I am sorry. I love you.
An eternity passed before I realized I’d fallen. I was on the floor, holding my knees to my chest as sobs wracked my body. I hadn’t shed a tear until this moment. I had compartmentalized and promised myself I could grieve when I made it. I deserved to get my life together for Kaleb. If I didn’t, his sacrifice would have been in vain.
Strong arms scooped me up, laying me on the bed. He lay beside me, rubbing my hair, kissing my cheeks, telling me it wasn’t my fault. It was what I’d needed all along. To just break the fuck down; to not be okay, but have someone in my corner, telling me it would be eventually.
Eventually my sobs turned to whimpers, and the soft cries turned into nothing. I stared at the ceiling, emotionless. Liam lay beside me, staring up, his hand wrapped around mine.
“I’ll never know the truth,” I finally said, breaking the silence.
“I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“He was better, Liam. He found a counselor. My mom would drive him there every week, so I know he went…and he was on medicine.” My voice broke mid-sentence.
