“What do I do now? I can’t just hand her back to her father and say goodbye.”
“It’s what she’s wanted all along, James.”
“What if she wants something different now?” What if she actually wants me? The nightmares, the scars, the damage, all of it?
“Did you ask her?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Seems that should be the place to start.”
“And if she rejects me?” He couldn’t meet Hobson’s gaze.
“Then you go back to London and you find yourself a real wife and you forget all about the Germaines.”
“It’s all so wrong. So, so wrong.” Why couldn’t he have her and his family? Why couldn’t she be his family? Marrying her was the only part of this entire scheme that felt right. Where was the mistake in that?
“Ask her to write a letter, lie and beg and plead and you’ll have your annulment. You both have more than enough scandal around you, even a divorce isn’t going to hurt much.”
“And if she won’t?” he asked, as he picked up a little paring knife and tucked it in his coat pocket. He wasn’t lifting the silverware but he felt vulnerable without some kind of weapon.
“Make her. Your life depends on it and so does hers.”
“You’re right,” he agreed half-heartedly.
By why did he have to be so right?
*
Daniella stood still against the dining room door, two hands clapped over her mouth.
Annulment.
How could he? She might have been planning to run, but marriage was his idea from the start. She tried to be grateful for her own plan, for being denied only something she hadn’t planned to keep, but felt only terribly hurt. How could she fall for his lies? How could she fall for him?
She didn’t notice James had opened the door until she looked up and saw him staring at her with the same tortured look she knew must be mirrored in her own eyes.
“How long have you been standing there?” he asked, his hand outstretched, reaching for her.
She swallowed the hurt, defiant to the last, and stepped back. How dare he? “Long enough.”
“And?”
How could she respond, torn as she was between her need to break free and her desperate hope that he loved her…maybe even that he wouldn’t let her go?
“You have to know this is the only way forwards. I… It’s the only way.”
“I’ll write your letter, my lord. Thank you for freeing me from what was obviously the biggest mistake of your life.”
“Don’t be that way, Daniella. If you gave up your notion of being on the seas, we could make this work. You could appeal to your father for my mother and sister and we could all go back to London.”
“And live happily ever after? For how long?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you from the start, I’ll not live there indefinitely.”
“What of the heirs I need? What of my life? You won’t yield anything yet you expect me to?” He gripped her shoulders and forced her to meet his gaze.
“Why should it be you getting this marriage and the life you’d already planned? Why must I give up everything and you nothing?”
“I won’t have an absent wife. I won’t sit at home like a milksop and pine for you. Never knowing whether you live or if some cold-hearted bastard has driven a sword through your chest. I want all of you or none of you, no in between, no shades of grey.”
“You can’t have all of me. I belong to my ship, to my crew. I belong to the sea the same as you belong to your title. We were foolish to think we had a choice in this.”
James let her go and raked both hands through his hair until the strands pulled and the pain he felt magnified tenfold. “You do have a choice and you’re making the wrong one. You could be happy with me, Daniella. Really, truly happy with me. I would treat you like a queen but you won’t even give us a chance.”
“It’s all about what you want and how you’re going to get it. How do you know you can’t be happy with me? On The Aurora? We wouldn’t have to pillage or steal. We could deck her out a merchant and trade. We could be happy that way too.”
“I have responsibilities in London. I have a title and a family and, damn it, I’ll not throw that all away. You speak of your crew as lives in your hands but what about my tenants? What about the men, women and children who need me? Would you leave them with that uncertainty? Because I’ll not do it.”
“Let someone else do it,” she cried. “Just as your father stepped up, surely there is someone else for your stupid title?”
“It doesn’t work like that. I’d have to be dead for that to happen. This is my chance to show England that I’m not the Butcher, that I’m as good as my word. I can make a difference in the House of Lords and for my people. I can campaign behind the scenes so the next Bonaparte doesn’t take the lives of another generation of boys.”
Her expression softened, defeat in her eyes. “A noble thought, but England doesn’t care about you, James. That is a one-sided love. How did she repay you for your years of service? With nothing more than nightmares. What does she promise you in return for your obedience and fealty? She won’t keep you warm at night as I would have. She won’t hold you in the night as I would have. She sure as hell won’t give you obedience or fealty in return. The moment you falter, they’ll eat you alive. You, your sister, your mother, your name.”
“You’re wrong. You play the game and you are rewarded. What will happen to Amelia if I stay here with you? Would you climb out of your cage only to put us
