“What does she do legally?” I didn't know what I pictured her doing, but I didn't picture her working in a legal office.
“She is a legal assistant. She basically takes care of all the underwriting, etc. that people need with their wills. I think she does all the backbreaking work, if you ask me. And probably doesn't get paid for that either”.
Breigh was constantly surprising me.
Maybe Rhonda was right. Why did I need to get her off my mind?
I knew why. I just wished my brain could process it and the relay it to protect my heart.
BREIGH
Sunday lunch/dinner was always something that was huge since I lived under my grammy’s roof. I had come to live with her fairly young, three, because my dad couldn't manage. Of course, I had already been spending most of my time with her at that point anyway. After the death of my mother, I was told my father found the bottle and never came out. Not even for his daughter.
Every Sunday at 12:30, Grammy had Sunday lunch/dinner. Linner if you will. We sat in the dining room after church on Sundays and talked about anything and everything. Nothing was off-limits. Sometimes my father would show up, but eventually he stopped even trying. Grammy was not fond of him in the least. I can’t say I blamed her. I had heard her one night asking God during a prayer while she was doing dishes, “Why? Why would he take her daughter but leave someone so hell-bent on not living?”
I never asked her about what she meant, because even at my young age at that time, probably sevenish, I already grasped what my father was.
At linner we had some of our most memorable talks. My heart had been broken when I thought I was in love with a boy, and he decided he liked my best friend. He was a snake even from the get-go, but I had a thing for looking past the bad in people. I wonder why?
Grammy had spoken words that night, which I still think about. I can put myself in that exact spot and time and hear her speaking. “You will find out, sweetie, that everybody who enters your life will be in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. I am much older than you, and trust me, it holds true. A reason, a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes we don't really know which until some time passes, but God will always show you. I promise. Likewise, we may not like what He tells or shows us but He has a plan. But do not ever question it. Always remember that.”
“Reason, season, or lifetime?”
“Yes, baby girl. Yes. Sometimes a reason becomes a lifetime, but a season will never become a lifetime.”
“What if you never find those lifetimes but only reasons or seasons? Like how did you know that Grandpa was a lifetime? Or your friend, Marge, who you have been friends with for years?”
“I told you, God tells you. You will get that feeling and you will know, without a doubt. It will be clear as glass.”
“I feel like all I ever see is mud…dirty, icky mud.”
“It won’t always be that way. I promise. Head up. And remember if things don't work out, there is reason and eventually down the road, when the anger or pain or hurt subsides, you will be able to see who the person was to you.”
“Okay, I trust you more than anyone, and love you more than all the stars in the sky, so I know if you tell me something, it is true.”
She leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“And sometimes, sweet girl, a reason becomes a lifetime and that isn't enough, like with your grandpa.”
“I know.” There wasn't a day that passed when she didn't talk about my grandpa. I wanted that love. Even at a young age, I knew what they had was special. I had dreamed that perhaps my parents had a love like that, of course, I couldn't ask either of them, but I strived for that kind of love. I wondered if it would ever be possible to feel that kind of love, and if I didn't, would any other love be worth having as a substitute?
I doubted it. But I knew it was worth trying for, and even dying for.
My grammy had polio as a child and one leg was shorter than the other. She had to wear a shoe with a special heel on her left side to make her level. When she was home, she always had on her apron, the very same one she donned my entire life. The cotton had worn thin, but she still used it, every single day. I envisioned her wiping her hands on it after washing the dishes sometimes as she welcomed someone in her home, always with a hug.
She had always been a hard worker, having to drop out of school when she was in seventh grade to help support her family and take care of her siblings. Never had she had it easy, and instead of telling me that time and time again, she instead told me I could overcome anything, no matter what circumstance. “Life isn’t easy and it isn’t supposed to be. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.” That she had said numerous times when talking about love, my gramps included. She would have given up anything for him, and he was the same with her.
It was a once in a lifetime love, that I only wished I could get half of one day. Half would be more than most people had.
10
BREIGH
There were a lot of things I loved about my job, but one thing I hated was getting dressed in a lady’s business suit jacket. It wasn't my style, and frankly I could have looked just
