"Sahana?"
"What?"
“Am I speaking to Sahana?”
"Sahana?"
"Am I speaking to Serene now?"
"What?"
"Are you Serene?"
"Yes?"
"Does the name Sahana sound familiar to you?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Serene, can you tell me what you remember about our conversation over the last several minutes?"
"You were talking about hypnosis and you asked me about time."
(P) This is the first revelation of a third personality. I think, as therapy progresses, more personalities may come forward. I will follow up with one on one treatment. At this point, family therapy is not recommended. I will follow up with Serene's family separately.
When Serene came back to herself after her alternate, Sahana, faded, she seemed calmer. We have decided that she will try to make it through the end of this week and the weekend without therapy. Walking seems to help with her anxiety. I have suggested that she take three long walks a day, the first immediately in the morning, the second before or after lunch, and the third before or after dinner. I would like to try another session with hypnotherapy and see if we might reach Dora. I would also like to talk more with Serene about her children and work with her on finding connections with them. Also, we will continue to dig deeper into what she might be trying to avoid remembering.
28
Dora - February 2020
Dora smoothed down her hair before taking a seat in the waiting room at the clinic where Claudia had her office. Two other women sat in the comfortable cushy chairs of the carpeted neutral space, each engrossed in her phone. A wall mount filled with magazines remained untouched. A Scientific American issue with a feature on aging sat in the same slot it had been in last time Dora saw Claudia, and the time before that.
She was waiting for Erica to pick her up because Dora didn't know how to drive or couldn't remember. The recent session with her therapist spread across Dora's thoughts like a slick of debris over a pool of water. A third personality? And there might be more? Dora shook her head at the thought. She'd left Claudia's office feeling more muddled than she had after seeing Steve that morning. Dora touched her lips at the thought of Steve, remembering the shock and relief of seeing him in this new world.
But now there was more of herself to pick apart. Would it ever end? The third personality, Sahana––it was the name Ramani initially chose, although her parents had deferred to her biological father Jai, allowing him to give the name Serene. She had always thought Sahana was a nicer name and had passed it along to her pitbull. A chill swept over her flesh as she thought about the third personality who claimed to be her twin. Claudia had played the recording of her chat with Sahana for Dora. And there she was, talking, her voice a more-cocky version of herself, saying things she had no recollection of. The idea of other personalities inside herself––that creepy recording––was maddening and terrifying. Where did these parts of herself come from? Where did these personalities go when she was… what? When the real part of herself was in control. That was the thing though. How did she know if she was the real one––the real personality? A frown pulled at Dora's mouth, her thoughts swirling like a devil's wind of confusion through her head.
The door to the waiting room opened and Erica poked her face through. When her eyes lit on Dora, she gave a little wave and Dora stood, joining her wife. They walked to the elevator and took it down to the lobby.
"How did it go?" Erica asked.
"Okay." Dora stopped at a vending machine on the way out and bought a 7UP.
Outside, a mesh of grey clouds covered the sky like papier mache. It was cold enough for a jacket.
Erica beeped the Audi open and the two climbed in wordlessly.
"How did we meet?" Dora asked as they pulled onto Westwood and into a tangle of traffic.
Erica glanced at her brows furrowed. "I thought you knew."
Dora rolled the bottle of 7UP between her palms. "Knew? Why would I know?"
"Because you remember Steve and Carrie. I thought you remembered me." Erica's voice grew husky. “From when we were younger,” she added.
"From when we were younger?" Dora echoed.
Erica blinked and sighed at the crush of cars they'd wedged into. "My sister, Lanesha––she used to braid your hair."
A flash of a small girl wearing glasses too big for her face.
Always reading.
Always quiet.
Teased by Lanesha and her friends.
Girl's a walkin’ encyclopedia.
“Go on then with your little studious self,” Sweetness from down the street liked to say.
“Op, op, we got a genius in the house,” Baby Sweetness, Sweetness’ sidekick, would joke.
"Erica?" Dora whispered.
Her wife turned to meet her gaze. Vulnerable eyes. The same eyes that used to track her movements when she visited Lanesha's. Erica, following her around the house, asking questions.
I think you got a shadow, Serene. Girl's obsessed.
Erica, what's wrong with you?
Practically walking on Serene's heels. I hope you not gettin’ pervy, girl. Un-huh.
"Oh." Dora said.
She'd married Lanesha's little sister. It wasn't right. She was the pervert.
Fizzy hot liquid shot up her throat and into her mouth. The cars began to move and they inched forward.
"We ran into each other at an art show in Studio City,” Erica said. “You were glad to get out of the house. I think Jesse was one at the time. I hadn't seen you in years and you were so much more confident. When we were kids, I remember you were on the shyer side."
"And I-I don't…” Dora stuttered, trying to put it all together, figure out how the events of the past made sense. “Why did I leave Steve?"
"We fell in love." Erica's lips pinched together, and she gave a little shake of her head.
Dora blanched, head nodding woodenly. Nothing felt real anymore. It was as if she were taking a tour of someone else's life while in a dream.
29
Barbara - February 2020
“I
