Her Last Memory

client seemed genuinely confused over these drawings. She brought up Steve several times and asked if I thought he should be her guardian. When I asked her what she meant by that, she became evasive. I asked Serene more questions about her feelings around Steve. She appeared to be seeking approval for wanting to spend time with him. We talked briefly about Dora's children. She is still not connecting with them and finds her current marriage a strain on the values and feelings she has as Serene. I told Serene that I would like to reach out to Erica to arrange family therapy between Erica and the children while continuing to see Serene separately. The client seemed indifferent to my suggestion, which suggests that Serene still sees herself very much apart, and a separate agent altogether, from Dora's family.

(P) I have asked Serene if she might be ready to talk with Ramani. She said yes. I gave the patient an assignment to meet up with her mother and book a session for the two of them if Ramani agrees. I would like to dig deeper into Serene's childhood, especially the personality of Little Girl.

I did feel that Serene was holding back information from me about the murder case of Taylor Davis in 1996.

I will be reaching out to Erica to set up family therapy with them and the children.

Serene has seen a noticeable weight loss since she left The Source and moved back home. After some questioning about meal routines, she admitted to sometimes skipping meals due to lack of appetite. We agreed that, to keep her blood sugar stable, she would experiment with consuming a protein shake in place of skipped meals. I have also suggested that Serene look over memorabilia and family pictures to help trigger her memories.

44

Serene - March 2020

The soft knock on Serene's door pulled her out of her reverie. A moment later, the door opened a crack, and Erica stuck their face inside.

"Dora, we need to talk," they said.

Serene rose awkwardly to her feet, smoothing out the bunched fabric of her coveralls.

"Maybe we could take a walk," Erica added. "There's a little cafe across the street from Equinox. We could get a hot drink and sit out there." Erica's brows were up high as they spoke, eyes darting about the little room.

Serene nodded. She'd caught a Lyft home after her counseling appointment, surprising Erica and Cuppa when she walked through the door. “Why didn't you call me?” Erica had asked. “I would have picked you up.”

Serene hadn't had an answer for them. The autonomy of ordering a car felt freeing until she came home and found Erica and Cuppa sitting in the living room, taking a break from their work. Two women living in her house, running a family that she didn't feel a part of. All of it felt wrong. After a few polite words, she'd made her way to her room, but not before overhearing Cuppa remark to Erica that their clients, Susan Burke and Tiffany Peters, had canceled their April wedding due to concerns about the virus. “It's worrisome,” Erica had said after a beat and, although Serene couldn't see them, she'd felt her wife's eyes on her back.

"I want to be called Serene," Serene said.

Erica's brows rose higher, puckering their forehead. "Uh. Okay. You might want a sweater. It's cold out."

That was another thing, this cold, cold weather, the wind and rain. It had been so hot back in the summer of 1996. A summer that felt only a month away.

Serene's eyes swept over her room for the suggested sweater. Her gaze lingered on her bed as the thought of Steve's mouth hovering over hers rose up so vividly in her mental imagery that it made her freeze. She could picture his tongue lightly tracing her lips, and her physical reaction came on strong, sending her stumbling forward with a little cry. Erica caught her arm.

"You alright?"

Serene nodded and blushed.

"I don't see a sweater in here," Erica said. "Do you want to grab one from our room?"

In the bedroom she stood, unsure. Erica stepped around her and opened the closet. They pulled out an olive green knee-length knit sweater and a honey yellow silk scarf. "These are your favorites," they said, placing the garments into Serene's arms. She obediently put them on, wrapping the scarf around her neck.

They walked the first ten minutes in silence and Serene pulled the scarf tighter around her neck, grateful for Erica's suggestion as a blast of icy wind buffeted them.

"How did your counseling go today?" Erica asked.

Serene shoved her hands deep into the pockets of the sweater. "Claudia's going to call you to set up family therapy with you and the kids."

"Hm. Dora––I mean, Serene. I'd like to talk about us. About our relationship." Erica glanced at her and Serene stiffened, waiting to hear what they might say. "I can see that this might be a much longer process than what any of us thought, than what I thought when I got the call that you were in the hospital with memory loss. I'd hoped that maybe you coming home would trigger who you were as Dora." Erica licked their lips and lapsed into silence, gathering their thoughts. "But it's obvious that you need more time and…" Their gaze wandered up to the grey sky. "I think we need to restructure our living space, at least semi-permanently."

"I'm fine where I'm at," Serene said. "The office used to be my room, and as far as I'm concerned, I never stopped sleeping there."

Erica blanched and rounded their shoulders, sucking in their breath before speaking. "It's your house, Dora––I mean Serene."

Serene held up her hand. "It's okay if you can't remember. It takes time to remember a name change."

"Thank you, but I will correct myself. If I'm asking people to remember to use a plural pronoun in place of a singular pronoun in reference to me, I can try to remember to call you by the