Lucile looked over everything one last time as she stood in the doorway. The man was weird, no question. Weird.
She turned off the light and carefully locked the door.
If Lucile thought that was weird, she’d have been even more shocked when, twenty minutes later, the crate slowly started to rise off the ground on four thin metal legs, and from beneath it slipped a dwarf who had been sitting in there for four hours, listening to relaxing music and trying hard not to think about snakes. Sister Tatiana had intercepted the real order from Snakes, Snakes, Snakes, and Smithy had travelled here in the crate Zoya had designed especially. Personally, Smithy thought the fake claw for a hand was a bit OTT but it wasn’t his place to say.
Of all the shitty things that came with being his size, being the one who can fit where nobody else can was starting to become the biggest downside. From now on he was going to veto any plans involving crates. He pulled the earbuds out of his ears and replaced them with a different pair, which served a very different purpose.
He looked around the darkened room, noting the soft green light emanating from the vivarium, and touched his ear. “Alright, I’m in. Now, direct me to these cables.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Walter Hudsucker had never been this terrified of anything in his life. Just looking at the suite whose door he was about to knock upon was making him feel physically ill.
He’d had a nice chat with Rhonda from merchandising, and she had explained to him that he was in an unhealthy relationship with Martha. Mind you, after a few drinks, she’d also tried to convince him to come back to her room and let her strap a saddle on him and then … Well, Walter had said no and left politely, but still, she might have had a point about the unhealthy relationship thing.
He just wanted someone to see him for who he was and not use him for his body. Being big didn’t mean you didn’t have feelings. Case in point, he was about to disturb a woman in her sixties from her afternoon nap and his knees were literally shaking.
Martha had left strict instructions not to be disturbed. Today was the day she was due to give her big address to the congregation, and she had made it very clear that she needed to centre her energies before doing so. Walter knew that just meant taking a nap. She could pretend she was doing transcendental meditation all she liked; the woman snored like a warthog in heat.
She’d already been in a foul mood for the last couple of days. The two four-hour sessions on each of those days, when she had met platinum club members one on one, had been exhausting. He’d been there, trying to discourage them from being too handsy. Between that and all the crying it had been draining. That wasn’t to mention the kissing-of-feet guy. Martha didn’t like her feet being touched, and, having seen them up close, Walter couldn’t blame her.
And now there was all this pressure from the big performance coming up.
Still. That was the point. Walter had no choice. He knocked.
“FUCK OFF!” came the instantaneously screeched response.
“Martha, O celestial one. It is Walter.”
“You should have said! FUCK OFF, WALTER!”
He very nearly did. Screw it. But no. He had a responsibility. He was the church’s head of security, after all. “This will just take a second, but I need to come in.”
Walter regretted the words as soon as they’d come out of his mouth. Forewarned is forearmed, and he’d given Martha enough time to grab a vase and aim it at him as he came through the door. He ducked just in time and it shattered as it hit the wall above his head. He’d asked housekeeping to stop replacing the vases but they kept doing it anyway. Odds were that Arnie prick was making money on the breakages.
Walter held out his hands. “Please. Martha. Baby. I just need one second.”
She was lying on the big couch, wearing one of those mud facemasks she liked. She couldn’t resist screaming, though, so the whole thing had cracked. Not for the first time, Walter considered that the woman had a hell of an arm, being able to launch a vase that far across a room from a supine position.
“Don’t you ‘baby’ me, you big moron. I asked to be left alone. How hard is that for you to get through your thick skull?”
“I’m sorry,” said Walter, “but there’s a problem.”
“You idiot. I don’t deal with any of the pesky little problems. That’s Freddie’s job. Do I have to do everything around here?”
“That’s just it,” said Walter. “Freddie’s disappeared.”
He’d been trying to call him all morning. He’d even gone to ask Arnie about it, but the man had just told him he didn’t know anything about anything, and then all but ran away before Walter could ask any further questions.
“What do you mean, ‘disappeared’?”
Walter shrugged. “Just that. He isn’t answering his phone and nobody’s seen him.”
Martha shook her head in disbelief. “Well, whatever it is, it will have to wait. I’m supposed to speak in ninety minutes and my congregation expects me at my best.”
“That’s the other thing, though. The congregation – they’re gone.”
Walter prepared to duck again. There was another vase on the table next to her. Jesus, did she collect them all up so they were within easy reach?
“‘Gone’? What do you mean, ‘gone’?”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Bunny stood out on the landing. Cuts leaned on the bars of his cell. It had been almost an hour since Jesus had departed, and there had been no sniff of a Second Coming.
Bunny rolled his head in a circle. “Is it me, or is this taking a while?”
Cuts shrugged. “I’m guessing whoever he’s gone to has to make a call before they move. Everybody’s got a boss in
