Joshua looked between us, and I swallowed hard, wondering what questions were going through his head.
“Is today oatmeal day? Or toast and eggs?” Joshua asked, and I blinked a few times, wondering how my son could be so unflappable.
It was one thing to have Macon be part of our lives in subtle ways. It was another to wake up and find Macon in a towel in my room. Of course, Joshua had already seen Macon sleeping next to me twice before, even if both of those times had been innocent.
Regardless, we needed to talk to Joshua.
But first, we had to talk to each other.
Yeah, because that was so easy.
Macon gave me a soft smile as if he knew exactly where my thoughts had gone, then brushed my hair from my face and followed Joshua to his room.
That made me snort and I realized I probably needed coffee. But first, a shower.
I trusted Macon to watch Joshua as I got ready, and it was so weird. I had spent the entirety of Joshua’s life being his sole provider. Yes, I had others in my life that I was learning to lean on, and I’d had the Barkers before that, but in reality, it had always been the two of us against the world.
I had thought that perhaps I would feel a sense of loss because it wasn’t only the two of us anymore. That, somehow, I wasn’t the only person in Joshua’s life that he could truly rely on.
But I didn’t. Instead, it felt like something had clicked within me, and it just made sense.
I had no idea when that had happened. I added conditioner to my hair, then quickly went about shaving my legs, frowning as I tried to piece together how I had gotten to this point.
I had spent so long pushing people away and showing them that I could do everything on my own.
That I could open a business, be a boss, be a mom, and do everything all at once. Yet I didn’t really feel like that was truly the case.
At least, not anymore. I had failed spectacularly at keeping people out of my life. I was still behind on so much with who I needed to be and who I wanted to be, and yet maybe I wasn’t.
I owned the business that I worked far too many hours on but loved. And my little boy was healthy, whole, and so smart.
He may hate school right now, but I had a feeling it had more to do with his teacher than the school or the work itself. And maybe we’d find a way to get around that. He already liked working on worksheets a bit more with Myra and Nate and Macon.
I tried not to feel a little disgruntled that he didn’t like working as much with me. But I was the sole authority figure in his life. He had to rebel.
I just didn’t want him to do it completely.
He was only six years old. Why was I going down this thought spiral?
I rinsed off. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the idea that everything seemed to be changing all at once. Perhaps I just needed to let it happen.
I held back a snort. That didn’t sound like me at all. I always did things the way I needed them to be done, even if it was the more painful option. The problem was, I loved him. I loved Macon Brady. And I had no idea what to do about it. Because it wasn’t just me in this relationship. It would never be.
And, somehow, I had to be okay with that.
No, scratch that.
Somehow, Macon had to be okay with that.
I had to figure out where the line would be drawn. How we would be. Only I wasn’t sure exactly how to do that.
I never expected Macon Brady.
I never expected how I would feel.
I had gone into this pact for dating because my friends had wanted it so much, and I had simply followed along. Perhaps I had hoped that I could find happiness one day, too. I had thought that maybe I had enough happiness with my son and my job and my life.
Macon was so different, though.
And the girls had set me up with him, even if it had been a façade.
Now what was I supposed to do?
Did I have the patience to follow this path? I wasn’t sure. Not with the ever-present terror and fear that was my ex hanging around. That brought me back to the shocking and cold reality of my current situation.
There hadn’t been a note yesterday. I didn’t know if that meant Adam was done with me or not. Was he lying in wait?
I was so fucking scared.
I let out a breath, then quickly did my hair and got dressed. I could hear the boys getting ready and eating breakfast and talking and having fun. The idea that I had just called them the boys in my head, like we were a family, made me pause. I forced myself to stop overthinking.
I entered the kitchen to get some coffee and nearly fell in rapture as I realized that Macon had already made some.
“Oh, thank God,” I whispered.
Macon grinned, handed me a perfectly made cup, and kissed me square on the mouth.
“Do it again! Do it again!”
I turned to Joshua, my eyes wide. “Excuse me?”
“Kiss, kiss!”
“Well, I think we have to do what he says.” Macon leaned down, and I pressed my finger to his lips.
“What have you two been up to?” I looked over at Joshua. “Why do you want me to kiss Macon?”
“Because he makes you smile. And I like him. And if he kisses you, then maybe he could stay. And then the
