Oh. I’m freaking going to hell.
There’s a quiet knock at the door and a medical assistant pokes her head inside before stepping in fully.
“Good morning, guys. It’s time to get started." She smiles, her eyes lingering on Walker as she hands him a small plastic container. "Mr. Kingston, this is for you. The cup is sterile and sealed for your protection. And Ms. Merlini’s, of course. If you follow me, I’ll show you to your room.”
A mix of relief and anxiety rip through me at her words. This is about to happen. Now. There's no time to turn back, no time for roadblocks or obstacles to get in the way...Right?
Um, not so fast.
Walker’s eyes meet mine briefly. “Can I get a minute alone with Penny?” He glances at the assistant.
“Of course. I’ll be just down the hall...Waiting for you,” she says—which I feel is an odd choice of words—and then sashays out the door.
Walker’s hand reaches forward and pushes the door the rest of the way closed. It clicks loudly.
I swing my legs over the side of the exam table and face him head on. His eyes dart around the space for a long moment before they meet mine. I don’t have a good feeling about this.
Finally he speaks. “This cup thing is making me itchy.”
I swallow, my pulse rate amplifying with anxiety. “I know it’s weird. Just… don’t picture the cup. You can try to—”
“No,” he interrupts. “I can’t.” He slams the container down on the nearby counter. The loudness of the plastic cracking makes me flinch. “I can’t do this.”
I blink. "W-what?"
He's pacing the room now, shoving his massive hands through his hair. "I'm not doing this."
My insides are wilting, even as I'm nodding. Yes, I'm nodding because as much as I want a baby, I'm above begging this man for a cupful of sperm. “Okay. Okay, I understand,” I tell him, still nodding like an idiot. I knew this was all too good to be true. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. “This was a huge ask of me. Huge. If you can’t do it, I understand.”
But I don’t.
This was all his idea. He’s the one who came up with the plan to help me. All this best friend talk about not letting me do this alone. I gave him every opportunity to back out. And he decides to do it here, moments before I’m supposed to be in the process of being knocked up?
Walker has let me down.
Everybody lets me down.
This is why I planned to do this parenting thing on my own. People have proven to be a letdown for me my entire life. I wanted a fresh start. A family to call my own. A new generation that learns of unconditional love and compassion. Not disappointment.
Now that dream has been dashed by the one person I dared to share it with.
My eyes are prickling. My sinuses tingle. The tears are ready to come in a downpour. I hold them back.
Walker’s gaze narrows on me. “No. You don’t understand.” He shoves his big hand through his hair, all frustrated and riled up. “We need to do this the old-fashioned way.”
The old-fashioned…
“What?” Maybe I didn’t hear him correctly. If he means…
He takes a powerful step toward me. “We need to do it the old-fashioned way. Man. Woman. Bed. Insert tab A into slot B.”
Holy shit. That’s exactly what he meant. “You’re crazy.” It only comes out as a whisper.
He shrugs those big shoulders, like he didn’t just turn my world sideways. “What is crazy about doing things the way nature intended?” He looks at me like I’m the crazy one.
My skin is flushed from head to toe. I feel heat singeing my body everywhere. Fantasies are one thing. But this? Making a baby with Walker like this? It’s going to destroy me.
The idea of getting naked with Walker short circuits something in my brain. Oh lord. I feel lightheaded. Good thing I’m at a medical clinic, already perched on an exam table.
Has he lost his goddamn mind? I can’t do that. There’s no way I’m getting into bed with that man without being completely crushed by the weight of what I feel for him.
It’s like he wants to break my heart.
Swinging my legs away from him, I hop off the table. I’m done with this. I can’t deal with him and his insane ideas right now.
“Just take me home,” I tell him, grabbing my purse off the floor. “Forget it. Forget I ever asked you to do this. We should have never agreed to it.”
It shatters me to say that, but it’s true. I should have never agreed to do this with him. I knew it was a recipe for disaster the moment the offer left his perfect, beautiful mouth.
“Penny…”
I shake my head, holding up a hand between us. Whatever excuses or hair-brained ideas he has next, I don’t want to hear them. We’ve gotten into arguments before, but I have never been so furious with Walker Kingston. This one is the mother of all fights.
“Just take me home,” I say, walking out of the exam room and not looking back.
19
Walker
I dodge around ladders and power tools and sweaty contractors, and stalk into my house, fully convinced there’s something I need in here. I just need to figure out what that something is and what I need it for.
I’m trying to get work done around the farm today, but for the life of me, I can’t stop thinking about things with Penny.
She’s barely spoken three words to me since I botched her procedure. I hate how things stand between us right now. It's been almost a week, and I miss my friend like crazy. It feels like an eternity since she's pulled away from me.
I need to fix it.
I went out on a limb that day, suggesting we have sex, and I screwed everything to hell. I was a damn fool for thinking Penny would actually agree to my stupid, rash idea.
It’s just...the way she looks at me sometimes…I thought maybe—just maybe—she’d
