He stared and stared, and she thought he might confide in her, but instead, he kissed her. He rolled her onto her back, his heavy body pressing her into the mattress. She pulled him closer, but she couldn’t get him near enough.
She wanted to be so securely connected that there would be no distance between them, that they would be one person rather than two, but she had no idea how to accomplish it.
He seemed to be on a frantic quest as well. There was an air of desperation about him, as if he was drowning and in need of her rescue. She would gladly save him; she just didn’t understand the dangers so she couldn’t devise the best method.
He fumbled with the belt on her robe, and very quickly, she was naked. She didn’t try to stop him, didn’t complain or demur. There was such joy in pleasing him.
His fingers were busy, and swiftly, she was titillated to the point of madness. But this time, she yearned for more from him than he’d given her previously.
“I love you.” She hadn’t meant for the declaration to slip out, but she couldn’t hold it in.
“You shouldn’t tell me that.”
“Why not? It’s true. You know it is.” He was nibbling at her breast, and she dragged him to her so he had to look her in the eye. “Have you ever been loved, Nicholas?”
“No, never.”
“Then let me be the one.”
He sighed. “You shouldn’t have these strong feelings. Believe me. I’m not worth it.”
“Yes, you are! How can I convince you?”
“I’m not who you presume I am.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
“What do you know about anything? You’re a man, so you’re a fool.”
He snorted. “I’m sure you’re correct.”
“Shower me with your affection. Let it all rain down on me. Whatever you ask, whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”
He studied her, his torment clear. It was obvious that a huge debate was raging in his mind. Finally, he nodded, as if he’d reached a decision.
“I want to be happy, Em,” he said. “I want you to make me happy.”
“I will, you silly oaf.”
“For once, I’ll forge ahead and damn the consequences.”
Nicholas gazed at Emeline. Had those words actually come out of his mouth? Would he proceed to the worst conclusion of all?
Apparently, he would.
After his quarrel with Stephen, he’d spent hours riding the back roads, pushing his horse to the limit. He’d rein in at roadside inns, to drink and brood, then canter on. He’d been in a fine state, pining for things he couldn’t name, things he couldn’t have.
Emeline had wormed herself into his life, to a spot where he couldn’t imagine her gone from it. She belonged to him and with him, and the notion of fleeing and leaving her behind as Stephen had demanded was too bizarre to consider.
Yet Stephen was right. She deserved more than a sordid alliance. Any relationship was idiotic and impossible, and he should never have permitted his fondness to simmer to a boil. He’d known better, but he’d selfishly done it anyway.
He’d allowed Emeline to become important to him, and he couldn’t comprehend why. Lust was spurring his fascination, and if they copulated a time or two, he was positive his infatuation would sizzle out. In his sexual affairs, it was always the same story. Like a dog at the hunt, he chased his prey until he caught it, but the moment the pursuit was ended, he lost interest.
He would cede to Stephen’s blackmail and return to London in the morning. But he couldn’t go without learning what it was like to have her in the only way that mattered.
He began kissing her and kissing her, driving her up the spiral of desire. He toyed with her breasts, with her nipples, as his naughty fingers slithered into her sheath.
It was an easy task, bringing her to orgasm. She soared to the heavens, then floated back down, and she was chuckling, sputtering with delight.
Her joy was infectious. He was laughing too, reveling in her pleasure, and for once, he would join her in it. He’d denied himself, and his restraint had put him on an odd path of regret and reflection that he hated.
As she calmed and stilled, he was unbuttoning his trousers.
“I can’t believe I keep letting you do that to me,” she said.
“Deep down, you’re a wanton. You love it when I arouse you, and carnal play is like an addictive drug. The more we indulge, the more you’ll crave.”
“Are you saying you’re irresistible?”
“That’s precisely what I’m saying.”
“Is that why you’re grinning like the cat that ate the canary?”
“Yes. I’m thrilled to have uncovered your true nature.”
“Vain beast.”
“Yes, I am. I definitely am.”
They quieted, his features sobering, and she cocked her head, evaluating him as if she could see all the way to his black heart.
“You look so sad,” she said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m not sad. I just need something from you.”
“What is it?”
“Remember when we first started all this?”
“As if I could forget.”
“I told you there was more to it.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I want to show you the rest.”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking of me.”
“I want to join my body to yours, as a husband does with his wife.”
He touched her between her legs, indicating his goal, but short of actually proceeding, she could never understand.
“Explain to me what will occur.”
“It’s simpler if I demonstrate.”
“You said it’s what a husband ‘does with his wife’. How can we if we’re not married?”
“It’s merely physical conduct. You don’t have to be wed.”
“It’s wrong if we’re not.”
He shrugged. “Some people insist that it is.”
“Not you?”
“No, not me.” He kissed her, sweetly, tenderly. “I want this, Em. So much. I’m desperate to know you like this.”
“You make it so hard to say no.”
“Then don’t.”
“I want you to be happy. I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
“If I agree, it will mean everything to me, but it should mean something to you too. I’m afraid that it won’t.”
“Oh, Em, it’s the greatest gift you could ever bestow.”
She
