She whirled away and continued on to the manor. She marched up the stairs and slammed inside without glancing back.
“Where have you been? I sent for you hours ago!”
Libby glared at Fish, then went over and closed the door to her bedchamber. She spun the key in the lock. For this conversation, she didn’t dare encourage any eavesdroppers.
“I was busy,” Fish blithely said, “and I’m not your maid. What did you need?”
“I have to talk to you.”
“Well, I’m here now. What’s wrong?”
Fish plopped down onto a chair, and she looked totally at ease while Libby felt raw and exposed, as if her skin had been scraped away and all her flaws revealed.
Dawn had just been breaking when she’d returned to Roland from her night of frolicking at Barrett. She’d snuck into the manor and had tried to start her day, but she’d been too disturbed to engage in any ordinary rituals.
Once a housemaid had arrived to light the fire, she’d ordered breakfast, but had been too distracted to eat it. Then she’d ordered a bath, but she’d been too anxious to enjoy it. She’d dressed in her most comfortable clothes, but they hadn’t helped to calm her down.
Finally, when the morning had advanced sufficiently that she wouldn’t seem like a shrew, she’d summoned Fish, but none of the maids had been able to find her.
After relentless pacing and fretting, she’d staggered to her bed and had taken an unsatisfying nap. On waking, she was more unsettled than ever.
Every time footsteps echoed in the hall, she braced, being sure that it would be Luke, that he’d have realized she’d left Barrett—and him—and he’d be determined to scold her. He was brazen enough to stroll up to her bedchamber, but it hadn’t ever been him, and she was struggling to figure out what it indicated.
She understood that much of his attraction to her had been fueled by the fact that she had constantly refused his advances. Now that she’d succumbed, was he already over her? She would hate to imagine a man could be that fickle, but the pathetic reality was that they were.
She was ruing and regretting and completely in love with him. If he was bored by what had transpired and keen to move on, she’d be crushed to death by disappointment. She’d yielded to temptation. What if he decided he’d gotten what he craved and could proceed with his betrothal to Penny? If that occurred, Libby truly couldn’t guess how she’d survive it.
“Where were you?” Libby said. “Dare I ask? From the gleam in your eye, I’m not certain I want to know.”
“I don’t care if you know. I’ve stumbled into a torrid affair.”
Libby frowned. “With who?”
“Who do you think?”
Libby was focused on her own dilemma, but it wasn’t difficult to deduce who it was. She collapsed onto a chair, her gaze caustic and condemning. “You’re having an affair with Lord Roland?”
“Yes.”
“I forbid you!” she ludicrously said. “Stop it immediately!”
“You’re not my mother, Libby, so it’s not up to you. And I have no desire to stop it. I’m having a grand time.”
“How did this happen? Why did it happen?”
“He and I were cordial years ago. I told you that.”
“How cordial? Clearly, I was mistaken about the level of your attachment.”
“For a bit, I had flirted with the idea of marrying him, but by then, he was on a different path.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was during that terrible period after his wife had fled and he’d filed for divorce. He was marching down the road to marrying his second wife as his father and friends were demanding. I probably could have saved him from that fate, but after what he’d been through, I didn’t suppose I ought to be that greedy.”
“You let him go? You set him free?”
Libby’s tone was snide, but she couldn’t help it. She was too overwhelmed to think rationally, and she couldn’t have Fish entangled with Lord Roland. It would simply add to the weight of the burdens she was carrying.
“Yes,” Fish replied, “I very nobly set him free, but with my traveling to Roland, we’ve rekindled our affection. We’re both unattached adults. What’s it to you if we’re dallying? It’s not any of your business, and I fail to comprehend why you’re in such a snit about it.”
“You can’t be involved with him.”
“Your opinion is noted, but as I previously mentioned, it’s not up to you.” Fish had never been a person who would fight over an issue. “What’s wrong? You still haven’t told me.”
“I spent the night at Barrett with Luke.”
“Yes, I received a message from him that you were stranded by the rain.”
“I finally did it,” Libby muttered, eager to spill the dreadful confession out into the open. “I’m no longer a maiden.”
“You didn’t ruin yourself!”
“I did.” Tears sprang into Libby’s eyes. “I wish I hadn’t.”
“Why? Didn’t he know his way around a mattress? He’s such a handsome rogue. I would have bet ten pounds he’d make it interesting.”
“It was splendid. It was perfect and . . . and . . .”
Libby broke off. She was wretched and desolate, feeling as if she was all alone, without a single friend. She was anxious to talk to Luke and have him tell her everything would be fine, but she wasn’t brave enough to have a conversation with him about what they’d done.
In the cold light of day, she was positive she shouldn’t have participated, but then, she was frightfully glad she had. She kept studying herself in the mirror, expecting to look altered and not able to believe she could have experienced such a colossal event and still be exactly the same.
Fish pointed out the obvious. “You’re distressed.”
“Very distressed.”
“It’s a common sentiment. A virgin’s deflowering is a big moment in a girl’s life.” Fish smirked. “Was he any good at it?”
“He was.”
“I suspected
