“From your dour tone, are you positive he’s in Heaven?”
“No, I’m not positive at all.”
She’d asked the question teasingly, but he’d responded seriously, providing a clear indication that Captain Ralston hadn’t been the man she’d fantasized about. She’d frequently envisioned him galloping up on a white horse, that he’d hug her and say, Caroline, I’ve finally found you!
He’d have told her grandfather to stuff it, would have cantered away with her. They’d have gone to a happy spot, one where she was wanted and loved.
She’d imagined it a thousand times, and it was typical that his son—who stood there killing her with his disregard—would smash that image to pieces.
“So. . . I guess this is goodbye.” She was so despondent she was surprised she didn’t fall to the floor and weep.
“Yes, I guess it is.”
“Can you really ride away? Can you bear to never see me again?”
Her pleading was a waste of breath. “We should have a clean break. It’s better this way.”
“Could we correspond?”
“We shouldn’t.”
Her shoulders slumped with defeat. “I suppose you’re right.”
If she corresponded with him, she’d be able to keep track of his antics, and they would ultimately include the news that he was betrothed. She refused to put herself in a position where she’d ever hear that information.
“Take care of yourself,” he said.
“I always do.”
He chuckled. “That’s not true. Aren’t you the girl who survived a shipwreck in the Caribbean?”
“Well, except for that little mishap, I’m incredibly cautious.”
“Be wary of Gregory. Promise me you will be.”
“Gregory is rarely home, so I’m not concerned about him.”
“You’re not safe with him.”
“He’s annoying, but harmless.”
At the comment, he studied her intently, as if debating whether to share a vital secret. He settled on, “I will pray you’re correct.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Your uncle will pressure you about the wedding. Swear to me you won’t relent.”
“I won’t relent. I swear.”
“I’ll miss you,” he said.
“That’s some consolation.”
He grinned a delicious grin. “Will you miss me too?”
“Every minute of every day.”
“I like the sound of that.”
He dipped down and kissed her. She shouldn’t have let him. She never should have let him, but she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on as if he were a rope tethering her to the ground.
He deepened the kiss, his passion proving he was more conflicted than he claimed to be. In the ensuing weeks and months, it would be her balm. She’d remember that he’d been a tad distressed too.
She had no notion of how long they continued, but they only stopped when there was a knock on the door, and Blake said, “Caleb, are you in there? What’s delaying you? We need to get going.”
They drew apart, and he smiled at her with such affection that she nearly exploded with grief. A terrifying sob bubbled up, but she swallowed it down, not eager for him to realize the depth of her woe.
“My brother has always had the worst timing,” he murmured.
“If you ever change your mind about me,” she said, murmuring too, “you know where I am. I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll never give up hope.”
“I won’t change my mind, Caro.” His tone was firm, but fond. “Don’t wait for me. If the man of your dreams strolls by, I would hate to have you ignore him simply because you’re expecting me to magically appear.”
She snorted with a very sad amusement. “I’m an optimist. I will yearn for you to come to your senses.”
“It won’t alter our situation.”
“I’ll think of you in town. I’ll imagine you happy and content.”
“I’ll think of you here in the country. I’ll imagine the same.”
Blake knocked again. “Caleb! It’s late!”
“If you ever need anything,” Caleb said, “my club in London is called Ralston’s. You can find me there. Or write. If you’re ever in trouble, contact me.”
Fleetingly, she struggled to envision the sorts of incidents that might arise where she would urgently seek his assistance. It would be thrilling to have him rush to aid her, but she was a very proud woman. She would never ask him for help. She would never contact him. If he could blithely saunter away, she would never lower herself by begging.
“I won’t ever need you,” she told him.
“You never know what might happen.” Tears flooded her eyes, and he said, “Don’t you dare cry. I don’t want there to be tears in my last glimpse of you.”
“I will save my anguish for the hours when I’m alone, and I can ponder how bereft I am without you.”
“You won’t be bereft, Caro. You’ll be grand. In fact, I’ll bet in a few weeks, after you’ve had occasion to reflect, you’ll figure you dodged a bullet when I left.”
“From your lips to God’s ear,” she whispered.
His brother was too impatient, and he opened the door. He flashed a look at Caroline that she couldn’t decipher. Was it pity? Was it irritation? Was it disgust?
Then he said to Caleb, “Let’s go! I’m tired of cooling my heels.”
Caleb squeezed her hand. “Goodbye, Caro.”
“Goodbye, Caleb.”
“Will you walk me out? Will you wave to me as I ride down the driveway?”
Could she stand to see him vanish down the lane? No. His request was far beyond what she could tolerate.
“Will you forgive me if I stay right where I am?”
“I already have.”
He winked, eased away from her, then marched off without a backward glance. He and Blake hurried down the hall, but she didn’t peek out to watch them depart. She would focus instead on that final smile, that final wink.
His brother said, “You didn’t tell me you were engaged in a flirtation with her.”
“I wasn’t flirting,” Caleb replied.
The remark should have crushed her, but it was so accursedly true. They hadn’t enjoyed a flirtation. They’d simply reveled in some torrid kisses she couldn’t mention aloud.
Despite how fervidly she listened, she heard no more than that. She staggered
