He couldn’t imagine it.
“The wheels are spinning in your head,” she said, “as you conjure up a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t, but I will not permit you to obsess in your typical negative way. Stop it.”
He snorted. “I’m trying to envision you eating supper with us, but I can’t fathom it.”
“Well, I am trying to envision myself up in your bed. That’s a much more interesting scenario.”
“You’ve turned into a vixen without my noticing.”
“Maybe I was always a vixen, and with me being a widow, I don’t have to hide it. Just think how you will be the beneficiary of my newly-discovered dissolute tendencies.”
He didn’t respond to the comment. He couldn’t.
There were so many emotions swirling that he felt dizzy. After she’d crushed him with her disavowal, he’d spent the intervening period, reminding himself to stay where he belonged, to never reach for more than he’d been given.
He was a modest, ordinary man, and the agony of dreaming—when those dreams were dashed—could be so devastating. Yet she was offering him exactly what he wanted. In his view, she had very much to lose by wedding him, but she’d decided she didn’t care. She was eager to forge ahead and damn the consequences.
He’d assumed he was smarter and braver than she was. Was he? If she could cast off the fetters that had bound them in the past, why couldn’t he?
“You’re mad,” he said, but kindly. “You know that, right?”
“Yes, I know.”
He lifted her off her knee and sat her on the chair opposite. Then he shifted his own chair so he was facing her.
“How would you expect this to unfold?” he asked. “You seem to have the matter all planned out. Would we remain at Ralston Place? Would you move in with us? Could you be content in this small house and in our small life?”
“Yes, we’d remain at Ralston, and I’d move in with you. And yes, I’d be very content with that ending.”
“What if you ultimately determined you didn’t like my sons or being a mother? What if you started to hate that you’d wedged yourself into my family?”
“What if humans could sprout wings and fly like birds?” She tsked with offense. “You worry about the silliest things. You always have.”
“Your brother might have a fit, and we’d be back where we were with your mother. He’d kick you out, and he’d fire me. I have my boys to consider, so I can’t risk that happening.”
“Jacob isn’t my mother.”
“Thank goodness.”
“In the beginning, he might be a tad disconcerted, but he likes you. We’ll drag him ‘round to our way of thinking.”
“It’s impossible for me to tell you no.”
“You shouldn’t tell me that.” She grabbed his hand and linked their fingers. “It will be fine, Sandy. It will be perfect. Don’t fret so much.”
“One of us should.”
“What is our other option? Will we fritter away the years, avoiding each other and pretending we’ve never been in love? We’d drive each other insane.”
“You’re probably correct.”
She was so confident, and he foolishly yearned to provide her with whatever she sought. She was his weakness. Why couldn’t he glom onto her optimism? Why must he be so pessimistic?
He knew the answer to that: He’d learned through bitter experience that catastrophe could strike without warning. She’d been shielded from a lot of anguish by her family’s money and position. At his level, calamity hit with a vengeance and there was no money or power to cushion the impact.
“You’re so positive this could work,” he said.
“Yes, I am, and I need you to be too.”
He pondered forever, then he blew out a heavy breath. “I will agree to it on two conditions.”
“What are they?”
“First, you have to swear you’ll never suffer any regrets. You have to swear it and mean it.”
She scoffed with derision. “As if I could ever regret being your wife. I’ve wanted it since I was twelve! Don’t talk as if I’m fickle.”
“It’s simply that I’m afraid it won’t turn out as you’re hoping. My world is just this house, my job, and my sons. We’d have to live on my salary, so if you grew bored, there would be no jaunts to London or trips to the seashore to enliven your mood.”
She laughed. “I don’t have a penny to my name, so I can’t whine about how little you have as opposed to me. I have the clothes on my back and that’s it. I don’t even have dishes or linens to bring to the union. I had to leave all of it in Egypt because I couldn’t afford to lug it home, so I must point out that you are the one assuming the burdens. You’ll be saving me, and I’ll always be grateful.”
“You can’t ever forget how you feel at this moment. Once reality settles in, you can’t wish our life could be different. What I offer is all there is with me.”
“I won’t ever regret. I swear. What is the second thing?”
“I have to ask your brother for your hand. Unless and until I have his permission to wed you, I couldn’t proceed.”
“He’ll give us his blessing. I promise.”
“I will keep my fingers crossed.”
She smiled a sly smile. “So . . . can we declare ourselves to be engaged?”
“Yes, I think we can view it as being official.”
She slid over and snuggled onto his lap. She kissed him sweetly, then, as she pulled away, she was smirking. “I was certain I could convince you. I had no doubt.”
He sighed, praying it would be all right in the end. “I never could resist you. I told you that you can’t ever regret this, but don’t ever make me regret it either.”
“I shall be the best wife ever, and you will be happy all your days. Now wipe that frown off your face and open the bloody champagne!”
Mutt had been dozing by the fire, when suddenly, he leapt up and gave
