“What did you think?” he asked. “And be honest.”
“It’s was lovely. Truly lovely.”
He snorted. “I can’t tell if you’re lying or not.”
He rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling, with her snuggled to his chest. This was the best piece of it, she thought, this intimate interval afterward. All of it seemed worth it just so they could arrive at this point.
“I have no idea what to say to you now,” he told her.
“What would be appropriate? Is there a script written somewhere that is supposed to provide guidance?”
“I wish there was. If I wasn’t such a scoundrel, I’d be down on my knees, proposing marriage.”
“Why? I have no desire to marry you.”
He harrumphed at that. “You understand, don’t you, that you have to be the only female in the kingdom who feels that way?”
“I hate to break this news to you, but you’re not much of a catch.”
“I am not?” He clucked his tongue. “I am Jacob Ralston, a renowned naval captain who’s descended from a lengthy line of national heroes. Every woman in the world longs to be my bride. What’s wrong with you?”
“You’re always gone, so your wife would never see you. Your ship is your real bride. What kind of life would a woman have, being wed to you?”
“It’s a vexing problem for every sailor.”
“It’s not a problem for any of you. It gives you the perfect excuse to pretend you’re still bachelors.”
He chuckled. “You could be right.”
“I never had a family,” she said. “When I was little, it was just me and my mother. Then, when I was returned to England, it was just me and Aunt Pru. Clara joined us later, almost by accident. That’s the extent of my kin, and I’ve chafed at having such a small circle to call my own.”
“If you had any notion of how crazed my mother used to be, or how bitterly I just quarreled with my sister, you wouldn’t be so quick to assume family is so great.”
“I’m also not interested in marriage because I’d never let a man boss me.”
“No man would dare.”
“But if I forged ahead, my husband would have to be madly in love with me. He’d have to remain by my side and not be gallivanting across the globe.”
“You’re a romantic at heart,” he said.
“Isn’t everyone?”
“Not me. I’m the most pragmatic person ever.”
She laughed. He was so confused about who he was, about what he wanted, about where he’d end up.
They were silent awhile, then he glanced over to the window. The sun had fully risen, and he asked, “What time would you guess it is?”
“I can’t imagine. Seven or so?”
“Could I tarry with you all day? Could we just not get out of bed?”
“No. You have to sneak out very soon. I have a maid who comes at nine to cook and clean. I can’t have her find you here. She’d drop dead from shock. Then I have to traipse to the village at noon to meet Clara. She’ll be home after that, and I especially can’t have her find you here.”
“It seems wrong for me to leave.”
“Yes, but we probably shouldn’t have done this. If you depart, we’ll have a period to ponder our actions—for we definitely didn’t ponder them earlier.”
“I feel like a green boy, seduced against his will.”
She laughed again. “As I remember it, you were quite willing. You didn’t voice a word of complaint.”
“What now?” He shifted them so they were facing each other. He looked younger than he was, and a tad puzzled. “How should we proceed?”
She was thinking that it was time to flee Ralston Place. She’d arrived at the estate when she was fourteen, so she’d had ten good years in her cottage in the woods.
But since he’d befriended her, she’d been accruing enemies. His sister refused to have Joanna socializing with him, and his fiancée would like her destroyed. There was the brewing danger too of Clara’s parents being so close by.
Her biggest concern was her burgeoning affection for him. She was desperately fond, maybe even in love, and she had her mother’s blood flowing in her veins. She was already calculating how she could pursue a furtive affair, but there was no such thing as a furtive affair. Reckless lovers were ultimately exposed.
She wouldn’t carry on as her mother had, wouldn’t grow overly attached to where she couldn’t pull away to safety. If they continued with their physical mischief, she’d have to constantly take herbs so she didn’t wind up with child, but they didn’t always work.
She was living proof of that. She couldn’t and wouldn’t loaf at Ralston Place until her belly swelled and gossip spread about who the father was. She wouldn’t humiliate herself like that.
She resided in such an isolated spot. She could pack her belongings and tiptoe away without anyone noticing. He’d simply visit one day, and she’d have vanished.
She wouldn’t share any of her musings though because she wouldn’t furnish him with a chance to prevent her. Instead, she said, “How should we proceed? Well, I was about to declare that this had to be our one and only dalliance, but I don’t imagine it will be possible for us to keep away from each other.”
“No, I can’t stay away. You’re like a disease in my blood, and I can’t cure myself.”
“We’ll have to be careful. Clara can never suspect.”
He shook his head with amazement and perhaps even a bit of alarm. “You are the strangest female. You’re so blasé about this, while I am completely bewildered.”
She rested a palm on his cheek. “I’m not blasé on the inside. I’m adept at hiding my feelings.”
He kissed her, then he drew away and sat up, his back to her, his feet on the floor. She lounged on
