“I had an episode,” he said. “Throwing up blood.”
“After your dad is gone,” Becca said. “I’ll let my dad know, see what he can do.”
“There’s nothing he can do about me,” Matt said, “or Mom, or himself for that matter.”
“You can’t blame him for trying,” Becca said.
“But I can for giving out false hope,” Matt said. “Mom isn’t going to last much longer, and we both know it. She’s not even there anymore anyway.”
His mother hadn’t been able to frame a coherent sentence in the last year alone. Robbie might be trying for a miracle cure, but there was nothing that could bring her back to how she was before all of this. The people in Matt’s room knew that, and he doubted very much that the people in the living room did.
“I know,” Becca said.
The two of them were quiet for a moment.
“Where’s Jolie?” Becca asked.
“Probably saying something to Mom,” Matt said. “You know how she is.”
“She’s a good person,” Becca said.
“I know,” Matt said.
“Well,” Becca said, standing up. “I’m going to go talk to your friends before they leave. Maybe I’ll be able to score some cigarettes off of them.”
“Please don’t,” Matt said.
I can do more than they think, he thought, thinking about the entire night in context. He tried to focus on the better moments, tried to remember the taste of the maple cotton candy, tried to remember the way Jolie had beamed when she won her lizard. But like a marble on a table with a slight dent in it, his mind always circled back to the event.
They’re getting tired of me, he thought, trying to keep from crying. He didn’t know why Jolie liked him. The two of them had been friends for years and only been dating for about one at that point. Maybe it was because opposites attract, or maybe it was something else. He liked her.
What could he do really?
His grades were about slightly above average. He had no idea what he would be doing after high school. Jolie was looking into a basketball scholarship for the University of Albany. When you’re six foot five, Matt was sure that basketball coaches swarm to you and promise to give you everything. They wouldn’t have anything to give Matt.
Instead, it would be another place that he would feel like he didn’t belong, one in which he was always looking up at people. People wouldn’t make fun of him to his face. That was the sort of hit you might see in eighties movies, but it didn’t happen in real life. No, instead, they would do something far worse. They would feel bad for him behind his back, constantly wanting to “help” him and make his life better. They would reward him for meager things.
Oh, look at the disabled kid, thinking that he was as good as everyone else.
The world wasn’t a friendly place, and to Matt, it never seemed to get any friendlier. He didn’t miss the moment when Danni ruined it when she slipped the attendant a bill so that he’d be able to go home with a prize. He didn’t win that lizard, didn’t want any part of it. He wanted it to be quiet, and for once, for people to stop looking down at him.
The earth seemed to revolve below him, and Matt wondered if others ever felt like this too. Normal people, though he hated thinking of them as such. But perhaps there were no normal people. Perhaps everyone was trying to get by.
The yelling in the living room seemed to intensify. It was a different sort of yelling. This wasn’t the same yelling that had happened for the last ten minutes or so. No, this one had a frantic edge to it. Matt slipped back into his wheelchair and made for the door. He opened it by sticking his foot through the crack and then slowly moving the chair backward. The yelling was even worse. He started to roll down the hall when the front door opened.
Becca and Peter were there, and for once, they seemed to ignore Matt. He wheeled himself down the hallways.
Robbie was standing over his mother. Nigel was in the corner, his nose bleeding. Jolie had her hand in front of her mouth and was leaning against the wall next to his mother.
Matt was about to ask what happened, but he never got the chance. Instead, he looked down at his mother.
There were lights moving under her skin. She opened her mouth and eyes, and they were pure light.
And then there was darkness.
****
“I need to think this over,” Walter said.
“Sure you do,” Matt said, watching Walter depart. He thought about calling after him, trying to explain more of the situation to him before he went back to Becca, but didn’t. Instead, he watched.
Danni continued to shove her head into the field, which rebounded it; it was all broken, then would then heal instantly.
“What do you think?” Matt said, looking back to Jolie.
She shrugged, but her eyes told a different story, and not one he would have liked.
Walter walked back up the walkway to the office. Matt saw Becca poking her head out. It made him want to scream.
Did they think he wanted to do this? Did they think he wanted any of this? Sure, life wasn’t fair, but the hand that had been dealt to Matt had been one of pure torment and pain. And it only got worse. It always got worse.
And now they thought he was the villain. He turned away from the field and moved over toward the woods. No one tried to stop him.
I’m sorry, Matt.
That’s how the letter started, the one that he had read almost three days ago and had sent his life into turmoil.
He had found Danni and regrouped with the girl. Ever since she killed Peter, Danni had been in self-exile, living out of the woods and trying to stay away from
