Jake felt so close to giving up that he felt an ache in his chest. It made him feel heavy. It made him feel like a bad person. The memories of what had happened before they blacked out were still hazy to him, but he remembered the feeling from the burning car, and it was growing inside him. It was just showing him once again how hard it was to carry on in a world like this. He’d started out so confident...so sure that he would be the one to survive this new world. He felt like he was born for the chaos of it all. He thought he was prepared.
But nothing had prepared him for the reality of it. So much death. So much pain. So much tiredness, anxiety, fear. His body was as close to giving up as his mind was. Aby had been his source of strength since the start. She gave him something to fight for, and she showed him that there could still be light in the world even when a dark cloud was hovering over them. Now only the cloud remained and it was starting to rain.
He didn’t even know what he was doing. His feet were carrying him and Megan through the forest. He was tempted by the idea of the lake, even if he had no real clue of how to get there. He suspected that it was the closest thing to a lead on Aby he’d be able to get. He knew that if she was alive, she’d have the sense to try and get somewhere safe. The lake seemed like the kind of place she’d gravitate toward. It was better than just wandering around, anyway.
But Jake didn’t even know where the damn lake was. He was heading downhill through the forest and hoping that it made sense geographically, but really, he didn’t have a clue. He wasn’t used to feeling so unsure of himself. He’d always seen himself as a leader. Ever since the EMP, he’d been so in charge of everyone else that he’d become a leader for real. But now he’d lost everyone he was supposed to protect, and he realized that he wasn’t the man he thought he was.
And all of a sudden, it was too much for him. The weight of his own failure, his own wrong doings, his own mess that he’d made, sent him tumbling to his knees. He was so tired. He felt Megna’s gentle hands on his shoulders and closed his eyes. He didn’t need her sympathy. He didn’t deserve it.
“You need to rest,” Megan told him gently. “You’re not yourself.”
“I’m fine,” he croaked.
“No, you’re not. Don’t argue with me right now, Jake.”
Jake didn’t fight back again. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but it felt good to have someone else taking charge for a while. Megan wiped his brow and he realized then how hot and sweaty he was. He’d overexerted himself. He sighed, wishing he could be back in Pittsburgh, eating a hot meal and a cold glass of water with Aby. It was crazy how quickly he’d started to miss the simple things.
“We need a proper plan. We need food and water…”
Megan nodded. “I don’t think it’s doing us any good just wandering around...maybe if we head back to the road, we can ask someone for help. See if we can get some directions for the lake…”
“I don’t want to go back on the road until we find some weapons and build our strength up,” Jake said.. Some of his old confidence was coming back to him for a moment. “I know that the forest might not offer us anything at all, but we know how dangerous it can be on the roads. We’ve nearly been killed so many times…”
“You’re right,” Megan said. “So we stick to the forest. Maybe you’re right to lead us downhill...but we have no way of knowing if we’ll come across anyone or anything…”
Jake shook his head. “It’s a risk we’re just going to have to take. We’re running out of options, Megan. If we want any hope of survival...and of finding Megan...we just have to take things one thing at a time. We need food and water first...then we can think about the rest.”
Megan nodded. “Maybe we can find someone to trade with...get us a meal and some water…”
Jake didn’t have the heart to remind her that they had nothing worth trading. Just the clothes on their back and the break in their lungs. They truly had nothing left. It was like they were starting over again. Only a day ago, they had a car full of weapons and food. Now they didn’t even have a knife to protect themselves or a crumb to feast on.
Jake could see that their odds were not in their favor. They shouldn’t have survived this long, really. Every second they bought for themselves was a tiny miracle in itself. But Jake had to believe there was a reason to carry on. If they could find Aby then he’d never take anything for granted again. He had to fight for her.
“Why don’t you rest a while?” Megan said kindly. “I feel well rested. I can keep watch.”
Jake felt like he didn’t deserve her kindness. She had been nothing but nice to him since she’d met him, and
