“I didn’t know what you wanted to drink with your food.”
“Beer. Definitely beer.” She snickered.
“Okay, she’s on a mission to drink as much as she can and puke on my boat,” he said as if she couldn’t hear him.
“Shut up. You know I never puke.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.”
“What were you doing?” she asked, unwrapping a sandwich.
“I had to write that down…richness to the air. It was lyrical.”
“Oh, funny, I’ve never been called lyrical before.”
“You’re lyrical all the time. I’m always writing down stuff you say to use later in my songs.”
She snorted out a laugh and tried not to choke. “I didn’t know that. Are you working on a song now?”
“I’m always working on a song. I’ve written this great melody. Now I’m just looking for the right lyrics to go with it.”
“Yeah, what type of song? What’s it going to be about?”
“Love.”
“Really? And do you love someone right now?” She was kidding really, but she was curious why he was writing a song about love when he wasn’t currently dating anyone.
“I didn’t say it was about me.”
“Oh…okay. What else have I said that you wrote down?”
Ryan was about to name another, but the first firework cracked above their heads. Bailey put her sandwich down and drank some beer before resting back down to watch. There were several boats nearby, and she could hear people oohing and aahing at the show.
Ryan lay next to her, and they stayed quiet until the show was over. Her world was spinning from the alcohol, and she liked it. Numbness felt good after the last few weeks of constantly feeling bad. Numbness was always preferred to pain. Sad but true. When the fireworks stopped, she sat up and took a few bites of her sandwich. Ryan must have noticed she was struggling because he chuckled at her. Not that he wasn’t having some difficulties of his own.
“Don’t laugh. You’re just as buzzed as I am.”
“Am not.” He stood then swayed and plopped back down on the deck.
“Yeah, mhm,” she said, wrapping her sandwich and pushing it aside so she could lie back down.
Ryan cleaned up their dinner and put everything away so they didn’t knock anything into the water. When he came back, he handed her a blanket. “Here. You must be cold.”
She looked over at him. He’d put his shirt back on. “No, not really.”
He laid it within arm’s reach as he stepped back up, taking another drink before lying down next to her.
They stayed that way for a long time, silent, the sway of the lake relaxing them. Bailey realized that was one of her favorite things about Ryan. He was so seldom quiet, but when they were together, they could both sit in comfortable silence.
Her mother used to tell her they were both thinkers. Ryan was absolutely a thinker. He was always questioning things, but not Bailey. She took things as they came, and usually without question. When she thought about it again, she realized that wasn’t always true and definitely not where her past was concerned.
And why did she keep referring to it as her past? She had nothing to do with the decisions that were made back then, but she didn’t know how else to refer to it. Her abandonment? Her adoption? Her mother and father’s lie? Ha! Yeah, that was it. She could refer to it as her family’s dirty secret. How sad was that? She was her family’s dirty secret.
God. How had this happened? As she stared up at the sky, she thought about the universe. So many unanswered questions. Her entire life was one. With her parents gone, all she had left was a handful of friends. A small group, but they were, each one of them, important to her.
The healing feeling she’d gotten from the sun was gone, and now the stars glared down at her, their brightness a reflection of her anger, each one representing a loss in her life. No mother, no father, no past, no name, no one to love, and no one who loved her.
She wondered what Ryan saw when he looked at the stars. What did the brightness represent to him? Was it positive, or did he feel sorry for himself, too? Did he see butterflies and rainbows, music notes and smiles? Or was it monsters and demons, dragons and fire?
“Ryan, what do you see?” she whispered into the darkness.
“I see you.”
He said it so quietly, she had to turn to look at him. Ryan wasn’t watching the stars as she had been. He was watching her.
“What do you see?” she asked again.
“I see you. I only wish you did, too.”
“Is the sight as pathetic as I imagine?” Her voice slurred a little.
He reached a hand out to touch her face. “It’s musical and beautiful.”
Bailey wanted to snort out a laugh, but the intenseness in his voice wasn’t funny.
“I wish you could see that, too,” he whispered again.
She wanted to cry. He was all she had left. Her relationship with Ryan was the only thing solid in her life, and she knew, even in her alcohol haze, they were about to change it.
He leaned over and gently brushed a kiss on her lips. It was achingly gentle, unfamiliar, yet so intimate, she craved more.
She couldn’t hear anything but their breathing and the sound of water lapping against the boat. The iPhone was playing “Sideways” by Citizen Cope, soft and slow, but more meaningful than she wanted to admit. Where had all the other people gone? The other boats? Were they alone? Did it matter? No, only Ryan mattered, and the feel of his satin lips as they caressed her face.
Ryan pulled away and inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry.”
She heard him as if he were screaming, yet, it was just a whisper.
Sorry? Sorry for what? Her stomach bottomed out, and she stared at him in a new light. Not literally, she could hardly see him in the dark. But seeing now in a different
