Marissa smiled, leaning her forehead into his as tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m just a teacher,” she said.
“You’re so much more,” Trace insisted. “You have so much love in your heart. It’s why I know that you’re going to be a great mother. I just wish you could see how much more freedom you would have if you would let go of the illusion of control in your life and let God take over.”
Marissa sat up hearing Trace’s words for the first time. She had been raised to be independent, not needing anyone else, but she still felt like something was missing in her life.
She loved her job, loved her family, and loved the baby that was growing inside her. Was it truly so easy to just turn over your life to God? “It’s too hard,” she said, standing and turning away. “I just can’t see it.”
Trace rose, placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her into his arms. “I want you to know the peace and joy I have in my heart,” Trace said gently resting her head on his shoulder. “My family was torn apart by someone who thought that their rights were more important than anyone else’s. My mother tore our family apart, leaving behind not just one but two shattered children.
“When I finally came to understand the love and acceptance of God’s love, I was able to give up all of that anger and pain. It healed me. It renewed me and gave me a second chance at being happy.”
Marissa lifted her head staring into Trace’s eyes seeking the truth she knew she would find there. “Thank you,” she said leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on his lips, before turning away and walking into the bedroom.
Trace watched as Marissa set blankets, sheets, and pillows outside the door before closing the door.
“Lord, I think I made a mess of that,” he said, walking to the pile of bedding and collecting it. “I hope you can fix this mess.”
***
Marissa tossed herself on her bed burying her face in her pillow to muffle the sobs. How could she and Trace be so different? And yet she loved him. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him and wanted to be with him.
She was thankful for everything he had done and his words echoed in her brain like a sounding bell. Perhaps he had some odd notions, but hadn’t he stepped up to help her?
Sitting up and wiping her eyes she went back over the conversation they had from a few minutes earlier. Was Trace’s heart a reflection of this God that meant so much to him?
Grabbing a tissue, Marissa blew her nose and mulled over the words Trace had shared.
Could she truly be free from her feelings of not being good enough? Could she stop hiding behind Trace and embrace her future?
“God, if you’re real, let me know it,” she said into the dark room. “I don’t understand this, but I can see how much Trace believes, and I know he’s a good man. Show me the way.”
Snuggling back into her blankets Marissa closed her eyes waiting for an answer as she drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 20
Trace woke to sunlight streaming through the window onto the couch where he’d slept. It had taken a long time for him to drift off to sleep, but he had spent the time reading scripture on his phone and praying.
Even with a heavy heart at the thought that he might have to let Marissa go, after all, he was sure that he was right where he was supposed to be.
“God, give me wisdom?” he said into the golden glow of a new morning as he got up and headed down the hall to the bathroom.
***
“Do I smell bacon?” Marissa asked stepping out of the bedroom in a fussy pink robe and animal slippers. “Where did you even get bacon?”
“I ran out to the store,” Trace said flipping the eggs in the pan.
“I didn’t know cowboys knew how to cook,” Marissa said staggering through the kitchen to the coffee pot that stood steaming and full on the counter.
“I didn’t know if you had given it up or not,” Trace said nodding as she poured herself a mug.
“I only drink one each day,” Marissa admitted.
“Cowboys have to eat,” Trace continued, shaking his spatula at her. “Therefore they know how to cook.”
Marissa smiled studying his face over her mug of coffee. “And here I thought you had Mrs. Wade for that,” she teased. She was surprisingly well rested after collapsing into bed the night before.
“So what do you have on the agenda,” Trace asked dishing the eggs, bacon, and toast onto plates and placing them on the table.
“Nothing today,” Marissa admitted taking the fork he handed her. She was glad he had found his way around the kitchen. She could get used to someone cooking breakfast for her again. “Tuesday I have a doctor’s appointment though,” she said. “Would you like to come?”
Trace looked up from his plate his eyes meeting hers and holding. “Really?” he asked. “I’d love to.”
Marissa smiled seeing that generous spirit she found so appealing in her cowboy. “So what would you like to do today?”
“How about a museum,” Trace said. “If you get tired, we’ll come back.”
***
They spent the day together exploring the museum and dancing around the issues of the night before. Marissa was exhausted when they came home and happily flopped into the soft sofa cushions while Trace put even more leftovers in the fridge.
“I didn’t know my feet could hurt so much,” Marissa said kicking off her shoes and leaning her head against the back of the sofa. “And I’m a teacher so that’s saying something.”
Trace settled on the floor and took one of Marissa’s feet in his hands slowly working out the aches of
