Harry heard the break in the man’s voice, the words crumbling as he tried to force them out.
‘Anyway,’ Mr Rawson said, shuffling himself in his chair and pulling himself upright, ‘it was because of Sally that we moved here. We had lived in the city, you see? Down south, Cambridge. Properly busy it was. Obviously nothing like it is now, but even then, it was a bustling place. Beautiful, yes, but busy.’
‘And that’s why you moved?’ Jenny asked, and it was at this point he noticed that she was taking notes.
Mr Rawson nodded. ‘It was too much for Sally, you see? The sound, the crowds, all of it. It was just too much for her and her needs. Of course, back then, we didn’t really know what they were, no one did. And that bloody school!’
Rage tore into the old man’s words and Harry saw a glimpse of what he must have been like as a younger man. He was more than a little pleased that he hadn’t been around to deal with him back then.
‘What about the school?’ Harry asked.
‘They thought she was a problem child,’ Mr Rawson sneered. ‘Kept telling us that she was causing trouble, doing things wrong on purpose, even fighting! Our Sally? Fighting? If you’d have met her you’d have seen she could never fight. She was built like a sparrow! But no, she was a problem, an issue, and would you believe it, other parents were starting to complain!’
‘So that’s why you moved then, yes?’ Jenny said, repeating herself. ‘To take Sally out of the school?’
‘And it was a private bloody school, too!’ Mr Rawson’s voice was quiet, but anger burned in it. ‘Happy to take my money so long as my children weren’t a problem, but oh no, as soon as Sally was found to be not like all the others, that was it, wasn’t it? And the other parents! How dare they! Them and their precious little offspring! All of them, bastards! And they said they were our friends, too, you know? What kind of friend asks for your child to be taken out of school? I’ll tell you: no friend of mine!’
Harry wasn’t really sure where the story was going, but he couldn’t help but be drawn in. Whatever he was telling them, he had no doubt that so far it was all true, that much was clear from the passion with which it was being told, the little details that if someone was making it up would probably forget to include.
‘We took her to a specialist,’ Mr Rawson said, his voice calm again. ‘Ran lots of tests on little Sally, told us she was autistic. Said that the best thing for her was to get to some place quiet.’
‘I didn’t know that was a thing,’ Harry said. ‘With autism, I mean. I thought it was just a learning disability.’
‘Learning need,’ Mr Rawson corrected. ‘And it is very much a thing it turns out. Everyday noises that you and I take for granted? Well, for Sally, they were very painful. They’d intrude into her life and she’d be overwhelmed. That was why she played up at school, because it all sort of just built up, and then she’d lose it, I suppose.’
‘Sensory overload, then,’ Jenny said.
‘Exactly that, yes,’ Mr Rawson said. ‘Hugely stressful for her, and for all of us. So we moved. Sold up, told that school where to stick its fees, and came here, to Wensleydale.’
‘Why did you pick here, then?’ Harry asked. ‘It’s a hell of a long way from Cambridge.’
‘Well, that’s one reason,’ Mr Rawson answered. ‘Another was because we’d had a holiday up this way. It was the happiest we’d ever seen Sally. So it seemed to make sense. And it did, for a while.’
Harry saw the opening in what Mr Rawson was saying, the hint at what was to come, the reason for him having come to speak to them in the first place. ‘So what happened?’ he asked.
‘We bought a lovely little place up in Gayle,’ Mr Rawson said. ‘Far enough away from the main roads, but close enough to be a part of the community, because we thought that was important too, you see? We didn’t what Sally to be overprotected. No, she needed, we all did, to be a part of the place we’d moved to, so we could call it home.’
‘And was it?’ Jenny asked. ‘Home, that is?’
Mr Rawson smiled then and Harry saw that it was born of memories still very much at the surface of his mind.
‘Very much so, yes,’ he said. ‘It’s a wonderful place, isn’t it? You can’t not come here and forever have a piece of it with you. And Sally was so much happier! It was quieter, so much more space, none of the hustle and bustle. It was all fresh air, fields, countryside. We were so happy.’
‘Were,’ Harry said. ‘Something changed that, then?’
Harry watched as the old man sunk back into his chair, as though pushed down by something, and a shadow fell across him, and for a moment he stared off into the distance, a storm gathering behind his eyes. It was a look Harry had seen before, the thousand-yard stare they’d called it back in the Paras, the look a soldier has when they’ve been in the thick of a fire fight, rounds zipping past, people shouting, people screaming, people dying. It was a stare he’d used himself too many times, far too many times.
‘Sally was very happy at her new school, here in Hawes,’ Mr Rawson said. ‘The teachers were lovely, really supportive, and so were the children. They sort of just took her in and looked after her, you know? It was wonderful. We’d never seen her like that before. And when we would go to pick her up she would be smiling! Can you imagine it? Smiling after a day of school! I can still see her now, every day, that smile. God, I miss
