The one thing that had dragged her through the darkest times was the thought that she could always try again; then it was the thought that Greg was still by her side and she wasn’t alone, despite feeling isolated. But once she had realised that he wasn’t there either, well….
But she’d never admit that out loud.
It was a lapse in concentration. Nothing else.
‘So what’s up?’ Greg sipped on the tea and reached for a biscuit, which he dunked into his mug. When he pulled it out, the end dangled soggily, threatening to dissolve before he scooped it into his mouth.
Maddie just held her mug in her hands, watching the steam rise, feeling shame warm her cheeks as she remembered the thoughts she’d entertained the night before.
‘You remember I mentioned Jade, who lives upstairs?’
He nodded around a mouthful of biscuit.
‘She’s having some issues with an ex-partner and I said I would speak to you to see if you could help.’
He paused mid-dunk. ‘Me? How could I help her? I don’t even know her.’
‘I know. It’s just… Ok, let me explain. She has a son, Ben, who is three. Long story short, she was going out with the dad, he took a job on the oil rigs and dumped her by text. Then they briefly got back together, kind of a one-night stand, and she found out she was pregnant. He was away then, but she told him she was pregnant, sent him photos and stuff, and whenever he was off the rigs, he would come and see Ben, spend time with him. Now he’s got a new job and wants a more permanent custody arrangement, but Jade can’t afford a good lawyer. She’s a single mum on benefits. He could win custody and she’s terrified he will take Ben away from her.’
‘Ok, so what can I do?’
‘Well, I thought maybe you could help her by giving her a loan to pay for a good lawyer or something?’ Maddie said in a low voice.
Greg was thoughtful for a moment, chewed quietly, then set his mug down.
‘You hardly know her. Why are you so keen to help her?’
‘No reason. I just… Ben is a really sweet kid.’
‘I know, but if you ask me, the dad isn’t doing anything wrong. In fact, he sounds like he’s doing everything right. He wants to be involved in his son’s life, even though it would be easier to walk away.’
‘I know that, but I think for Ben, he should have both parents in his life if he can.’
‘And what makes you think the father doesn’t want that too?’ Greg was watching her closely. ‘Is there something else going on?’
‘No, I just want to help, that’s all.’ She looked away. She didn’t want to admit that she was worried what Jade might do if she lost custody. That she might take Ben away.
‘What is she like? This Jade.’
‘Um, complicated. Stressy. Quick temper. A typical exhausted mum, I think.’
He nodded. ‘Look, Mads, you know I will always have your back, regardless of, you know, us… but I’m not sure about this. You hardly know her. How do you know she’s not spinning you one just for money? How do we even know she can pay it back? What if she does a runner or something?’
‘Then I will pay you back.’
‘No offence, but how exactly? You’re not working right now. You’re still dependent on me for everything.’
‘Hang on a minute. That’s not fair. You know what I went through.’
‘Yes, I know better than anyone and I’m sorry about that—’
‘Besides, I’ve made a few decisions lately. I’ve decided to start my own business. Bookkeeping – I did it for our business and it’s something I can do from home easily. I want to start living again, being more independent. This morning I sent out a few emails offering to do people’s books.’
‘That’s great, but it won’t happen overnight.’
‘No, but it will happen.’ She looked at his face, a face she knew so well. ‘Sometimes I think you don’t want me to sort myself out,’ she said in a quiet voice.
‘Why do you say that? Now that’s not fair.’
‘Because you can play the big hero if I am dependent on you. You like being the man on the white horse who gallops in and saves me time after time. It boosts your ego.’
‘Maddie, don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I’m not. I’m being honest for a change. You’ve made sure you’ve stayed in charge of my life, even when you moved me out of my house. All those texts and inviting me to lunch, sending me flowers, just keeping me hanging on the end of the line, not quite letting me go completely.’
‘You’re being ridiculous and I’m not going to listen to you when you’re like this.’
‘And that too. Making me out to be unstable, on the edge all of the time. I bet you and Gemma love sitting and talking about how fragile I am. I heard you the other day at lunch! Well, not anymore. I think it’s time I stood on my own two feet.’
‘You won’t last five minutes before you run out of money, Mads. Be realistic.’
She got to her feet. ‘I think we should get a divorce.’
He looked up at her, frowning. ‘Is that really what you want?’
‘Yes, it is. Gemma will be thrilled.’
He stood too, but it was sadness reflecting back in his eyes. ‘You know I never wanted to hurt you, don’t you? That this was never my intention. I still love you, Maddie, and I always will. I wish things could’ve been very different for us. You would’ve made an amazing mother. I see how you are with Jemima, so natural and caring, and I think… well, you’re more suited to it than Gemma, anyway. You have a natural softness for kids and I wish…’ He looked like he was about to start weeping. ‘I want you in our lives, in Jemima’s life.’
Maddie approached him and put her arms around him tightly. She still
