‘And sometimes people aren’t cut out to be parents. Maybe that’s me. And now she has no one else.’ She started to weep again.
Maddie wanted to tell her she was wrong, but her lips wouldn’t form the words.
‘You agree with me, don’t you? Oh God, you think I’m a terrible mother!’ Gemma wailed.
‘I think you’re right in that I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I know you are grieving and heartbroken, angry at Greg and unable to see past that right now. But she’s just a baby. She doesn’t understand what’s going on and is probably picking up on your distress.’
Gemma started to sob again. Maddie got to her feet and wrapped her arms around the heaving shoulders of the broken woman next to her.
They sat that way until Gemma had cried herself out. When she pulled back, Gemma was pale and trembling.
The words were out of Maddie’s mouth before she had even fully formed the idea behind them. ‘Listen, why don’t I take Jemima for a few days? To give you a break? You can get some much-needed rest and recover a bit? It would probably do both you and Jemima good. Let you get some perspective.’
Maddie held her breath.
‘You’d do that for me?’ Gemma said in a whisper.
Maddie exhaled. ‘Yes, of course. You and Jemima are still family, regardless of what has happened. I will always be here for you.’
Tears started to roll down Gemma’s cheeks again. ‘You’re an amazing person, Maddie. You have every reason to hate me and yet you’re being so lovely. I do need some time. I can’t do this on my own, not right now, maybe not ever.’
‘Don’t be silly. First, you’re not alone. You have me and you can always ask me for anything. Jemima is probably the closest thing I will ever have to a daughter. She is very special to me, so all you have to do is ask. Secondly, you’ll feel differently in a few days when you’ve had some space to breathe. Look, let’s pack up some of her things – a few clothes, some of her favourite toys or a couple of books and we’ll make it into a holiday for her. And when you’re ready, I’ll bring her back home. Take as long as you need – a day, a week, a month even.’
*
Maddie strapped Jemima into the car seat in the back of Gemma’s enormous Range Rover that had never seen a country lane or a muddy path. Gemma had insisted that Maddie take her car and Maddie hadn’t argued too much. She packed the pushchair and bags into the boot and looked over to where Gemma stood like a ghost in the doorway of the house, chewing on her fingernails.
Jemima was gurgling happily now, her earlier ferocity forgotten. Maddie smiled at her as she slid the clasp into place.
‘Do you want to give her a kiss goodbye?’
Gemma looked momentarily frightened by the idea. ‘No, no, I don’t want to set her off again. Go, it’s fine.’
‘Ok, well, I’ll let you know how we’re getting on and please call me if you need me. I’m only down the road.’
Gemma nodded, then shuffled back inside and closed the door.
Maddie climbed into the car and sat for a moment, watching Jemima in the back seat through the mirror. She smiled, then started the car.
As she pulled up outside the flat, she saw Jade standing outside, a cigarette clasped between pursed lips. Maddie’s good mood evaporated.
She climbed out and went around to the passenger door. She could feel Jade’s eyes burning into her.
Then Jade was right behind her, the smell of nicotine giving her away.
‘What’s all this then?’ Jade said.
‘Jemima is coming to stay with me for a few days.’
‘Clever. Giving yourself an alibi – and a different car for the CCTV cameras.’ Maddie ignored the admiration painted all over Jade’s face.
‘No, I’m giving her heartbroken mother a break. You know, the wife of the man you murdered?’
‘Yeah, you’re a saint. Convenient though, isn’t it?’
‘Whatever, Jade.’ Maddie’s voice was a growl. ‘But whatever happens today, I want you to stay the hell away from me from now on.’
Jade’s eyes narrowed to slits. ‘Ben has been asking after you.’
Maddie paused. ‘Jemima is my priority now,’ she replied, ignoring the tightness in her chest.
‘Oh, I see. It’s like that, is it?’
‘Where is he anyway?’
‘Upstairs, naptime.’
‘Then you’d better get back to him.’
Jade watched her closely. ‘You’ll let me know when it’s done.’
Maddie nodded and turned away to open the car door. She felt more than heard Jade move away.
She exhaled.
What the hell was she thinking? She now had Jemima to factor into this whole mess. She scooped Jemima and her bags up and hurried inside. As she juggled with the bags and a weighty Jemima in her arms, her grip on her keys slipped and they clattered to the floor. Before she could stoop to pick them up, Peggy from across the hall appeared from nowhere, her hair wrapped in a headscarf knotted under her chin and her raincoat buttoned tight.
‘Here, love, I’ll get them. Ah, who’s this then?’ She smiled at Jemima.
‘This is Jemima. I’m looking after her for a few days for a friend.’
‘She’s bonny, isn’t she?’
‘She’s a bit unsettled at the moment, so I hope there isn’t too much noise for you.’
Peggy slid the key in Maddie’s front door for her. ‘Oh, don’t worry. That kind of noise can’t be helped. They’re just trying to tell you something in the only way they know how.’
Maddie smiled in relief. ‘Yes, but two children in one building could get a bit noisy if they both start shouting at the same time.’
Peggy patted Maddie on the arm. ‘There are no other children here today, dear, and I doubt this little angel could be anything other than delightful.’
Maddie frowned
