“I don’t think I can sleep.”
Leo sits on the end of the bed and takes off his shoes.
“You’re going to have to try because there’s jack shit we can do at one a.m. in the morning in a country where we don’t speak the language.” He lies down on the bed with his clothes on and closes his eyes. “Christine’s back tomorrow. We’ll go to the embassy and wait outside her office. All day if we have to, and we won’t leave until we get answers.”
*
Leo falls asleep on her bed. Julia doesn’t have the heart to wake him, so she moves to the tub chair by the window and logs onto her computer to check her work emails. Two from Sue wanting to see how things were going. One from the cardiothoracic team committee secretary, complete with the minutes and PowerPoint presentation from the meeting Julia had walked out on. Another from Brian Harvey, chief surgeon and her boss, asking when she could be expected back to work. Twelve more from hospital admin notifying her of forthcoming out-patient appointments and surgery schedules.
She stares at the messages. Was it really only less than a week ago she was living a normal life? A life that now seemed to belong to a totally different person. She closes her laptop. It just doesn’t feel right to be doing ordinary things like checking emails with Toni still missing.
She opens the curtain a crack and looks out at the dark night, her mind drifting. She thinks about what she and Toni have been through together. The many nights as kids waiting in their beat-up Honda while their mom disappeared down an alleyway to do tricks to feed her habit. The foster homes and change of schools. The lonely, unstable, patched-up, hand-me-down life. It had been hard, but at least they’d had each other.
The last time they’d been together, Julia had screamed at Toni to get out of her house and to never come back. You’re a drug addict. A whore. Just like our mother. Now Julia wishes she could take it all back. Every cross word she has ever spoken. Every cold shoulder she has ever turned. All the dumb and pointless and petty things she has ever done to teach Toni a lesson.
She closes the curtain. She should sleep. There was still much to do in the morning. She lays her head back on the rim of the chair and shuts her eyes. But sleep doesn’t come. All she gets is the grainy, anxious figure slipping inside the Lamborghini playing on repeat.
38
Julia wakes up with a start. Leo is standing over her holding a blanket.
“You looked cold.”
She blinks at him through rough, dry eyes. “What time is it?”
“Early.”
Leo lowers the blanket over her then heads for the counter where he turns on the kettle. He tears open two coffee packets, shaking the contents into two mugs.
Leo glances at the crumpled bed. “You should’ve woken me and kicked me out.”
Julia sits up. “It’s okay. You were tried.”
He pours hot water into the mugs, hands her one and takes a seat. They lapse into silence. Somewhere above them there’s a flush of a toilet followed by the creak of wooden boards as someone crosses the floor.
“We’re making progress. It’s only a matter of time before we find her,” he says.
Julia cradles the mug in her hand, comforted by the warmth.
“I wish I could believe that.”
“Don’t lose hope.”
She sighs. “I’m not. It’s just that this whole thing is like three steps forward, two steps back. And I’m not sure who’s on our side.”
Leo blows on his coffee. “You were talking in your sleep before.”
She looks at him. “I was?”
He smiles. “Something about Chuck E. Cheese.”
Julia gets a flash of a happier time. “Toni’s favorite restaurant as a kid. Mom used to take us there sometimes. I must have been dreaming.”
“You’ve never talked much about when you guys were kids.”
She swallows. “I try not to dwell on it. It makes me angry and I don’t want to live my life in anger.”
“Anger at your mom?”
She nods. “And myself, I suppose.”
Leo frowns. “What have you got to be angry at yourself for? You were just a kid.”
She stares into her coffee, old memories shuddering into place. “I never told you, but after we were sent to foster care when Mom died, Toni would have these terrible nightmares. She’d yell out for Mom in her sleep and end up waking the entire house. The foster parents would get annoyed so I would stay up all night watching her and shake her awake if it looked like she was having another nightmare. I did that for years.” She looks at Leo. “I resented her, Leo. I was supposed to be doing kid things but I was the mom. I sometimes wished Toni had died too. I used to think that if there was just me, I would stand a better chance of getting adopted by a nice family and be a regular kid. What a terrible thing to think, to wish away my own sister like that.”
“We all have selfish thoughts.”
Julia blinks back tears. “God, Leo, what if that man did something to her?”
“We’re going to find her.”
“What if she’s dead?”
“Hey, stop this,” he says, softly.
He picks up her hand and kisses it. They stare at each other. Something inside her stirs. Desire. A memory of him holding her when they were married, his skin against hers.
Leo leans in and kisses her. It feels good. She returns the kiss, the heat of the coffee mug on her thigh. She pulls back.
He looks at her. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Julia.”
She stares at
