But it was more existential than that. It wasn’t my mind, or my body—though they were both involved—it was deeper. It wasn’t even my heart, I didn’t think. It sounded completely batty, but I was pretty sure it was my soul that identified a partner in Tess the second I saw her.
I’d been with women, I’d dated plenty. And I’d never before felt that instant of revision. I’d never before experienced the sensation that because this person, this singular individual, had stepped into my path, nothing in my life would ever be the same. But I knew it was possible, because I’d felt it happen with Tess.
“I love you, Tess.”
They were the easiest, truest words I’d ever spoken, and I didn’t care if everyone else thought I was nuts.
When I held her in my arms after that perfect, amazing, soul-clenching kiss, as the crowd erupted around us, she’d whispered, “I love you, too.” And I worried I might combust from the perfection of it all.
“Ryan?” A voice interrupted the perfect moment, and I looked over my shoulder to find Alison and the camera crew crowded between the tables, practically drooling. “A couple questions?”
Even with everything I wanted in my arms, my heart fell as I realized what the next few minutes would mean for Juliet. “Sure,” I said. “Let’s step outside.”
Tess squeezed my hand and I led the magazine crew out to the back porch as the party picked back up and the DJ started playing 90s rap, evidently Gran’s favorite, because I heard her thin voice start in with “This here’s a tale for all the fellas…”
Later, I sat with the Manchester girls on the back porch of the huge old plantation house, the tent dark and silent and the guests and cameras finally gone home. A warm calm surrounded us as I held Tess’s hand and we stared out into the twinkling lights still sparkling in the trees.
“It was a good party, girls,” Gran said. “Plenty of drama, good food, and that cake was amazing, Tess.”
Tess’s beautiful face glowed with the praise. “Thanks, Gran. I’m glad you had a good time.”
“I guess I have to be ninety now.” Gran sounded peeved.
“How exactly will that change anything?” Juliet asked.
“Meh,” Gran said lightly. “I might have to start taking fiber supplements or something. Maybe get one of those buttons in case I fall and I can’t get up.”
Juliet and Tess exchanged a look over Gran’s head as I chuckled.
“I think you’re doing fine,” Juliet said, laying her hand on the old woman’s.
The river beyond the banks was sparkling with moonlight, the cicadas buzzing low and constant around us. Summer here felt alive in a way it never had out west, definitely not in Los Angeles. I loved it.
“Tired?” Tess asked me after a few moments of contented silence.
I faked a yawn. “I am, actually.”
“Oh for God’s sake, you don’t have to pretend,” Gran said. “Go on upstairs, you two.” I should have been embarrassed that everyone here knew exactly why Tess and I were both eager to get upstairs, to be alone. But I wasn’t. My heart, my mind…my soul were too full for any other emotion to weasel its way in. I was happy—maybe for the first time in my life.
“Don’t be loud,” Juliet said, her voice a pleading whine.
I took Tess’s hand in mine and said goodnight quickly to Gran and Juliet before practically pulling Tess up the stairs.
At the top of the stairs I hesitated, not sure which room we should head into, and part of me still suffered some disbelief that she was mine to take anywhere. Instead of manhandling her into a bedroom and then pinning her beneath me against a wall, I pulled her to my chest and looked down into her eyes, shining in the darkness.
“I can’t believe I get to hold you,” I said, wishing my words were more eloquent, more right.
“I can’t believe you said all those things in the tent and I didn’t get to say a word,” she said.
A tiny trickle of panic tried to work its way through me. She was right—I’d done all the talking. I’d said ‘I love you’ and we’d barely gotten to speak after that. I’d gone to talk to the magazine and she’d joined me after a few minutes, but we hadn’t had a moment alone since then. “You can say whatever you want to now,” I said.
I could barely see her in the darkness, but the sliver of reflected light shining off the hardwood floor of the hall reflected onto her face enough for me to know her pretty face transformed into a wicked grin, and she pulled me into her bedroom and shut the door behind us.
“Sit down,” she commanded, turning on a lamp next to the bed that cast the room in a warm pink glow that reminded me of her, of pure femininity, of softness and home. “Take off your shirt.”
My skin tingled, my body began to buzz and my cock jumped to attention immediately. I liked where this was going. But I hoped to hear her repeat my words again, if only because I’d never said them to anyone before and there was a sliver of childish doubt trying to work its way into my newfound happiness.
When my shirt was in a pile next to the bed, Tess knelt between my legs and reached for my belt as I watched her hands, my body flooding with want.
I inhaled sharply as her slim white fingers grazed my abdomen and she worked on my belt buckle. I watched, unable to tear my eyes away from her hands, so close to me. She pulled the belt out, loop by loop and held it in her hands as she stood back up. There was something mischievous in her smile, and for a second I wondered if she planned to smack me with the belt. A tiny jolt of excitement spiked inside me, but
