“Okay?”
“Anyway, Sarah loved that horse. He was a big part of her life. Something happening to him might have been her biggest fear. And then you have a kid like Justin who lost a brother to a mass shooter—”
“A random shooting could have been Justin’s biggest fear.” Something tickled Katherine’s brain. “What if part of this experiment was using that?”
“Using what?”
“The worst outcome. A subject’s biggest fear.” Katherine tried to relate it to something personal. “I have social anxiety, and my biggest fear is humiliating myself in front of a large group of people. It takes multiple forms in my head, but anytime I feel anxiety building, it’s usually related to that.”
“We need to find out who all was in that study.”
“I have no idea how to do that. There’s layer after layer of confidentiality papers to protect subjects in these studies. Just by speaking with Sarah, I’ve already put myself in a horrible ethical situation.”
“Well, how about talking to Justin McCabe?”
“I might be able to justify that because of the personal connection with the incident.” Katherine sighed. “I’m hoping someone from his family will call me, but I don’t know. I don’t think I can just march up to the jail and ask to talk to him, you know?”
Or did people do that? Could you just put your name on a list?
“Hopefully they’ll call,” Megan said. “Also, for the record, I can’t even imagine you humiliating yourself in front of people. You’re so far from ridiculous that it’s… ridiculous. I know, get a better vocabulary, Meg.” She cleared her throat. “I just mean you’re a very cool person and you’re clearly very smart.”
“Thank you.” Katherine felt a surge of warmth. “But remember, it’s anxiety. It’s not logical. I can prepare for a lecture for weeks, but if my anxiety is flaring up, I might be convinced that the lecture will go horribly wrong no matter how many people reassure me.”
“Do you take medication?”
“I do. I have for years. It helps a considerable amount.” Katherine suddenly realized that she had nothing planned for dinner and Baxter would be late from work. “Damn. I need to figure out something to make for dinner.” Hmmmm. What meal would complement psychic revelations and admissions of academic impropriety, Katherine?
She needed to tell Baxter what was going on. She dreaded it. Maybe not tonight.
“I love cooking, but I hate cooking dinner,” Megan said. “Does that make any sense?”
“Completely. If I have a full day to plan and prepare something, I enjoy it. Baxter and I cook together on weekends.”
“Same. Well, my husband doesn’t help me cook, but if I can spend all day cooking something slow and drinking a glass of wine, maybe listening to music? So fun. Especially back home if it was a big family event or neighborhood dinner and I had a girlfriend over to cook with me and chat all day.”
“I have no experience with anything like that, but it sounds wonderful.”
“It is.” Megan sighed. “But the act of making a meal every single night to shovel food into four ungrateful people just annoys the crap out of me.”
Katherine frowned as she turned in to the parking lot for the local grocery store. “They shouldn’t be ungrateful if you’re making them a home-cooked dinner every night.”
“Have you known teenagers in your life?”
She had a point. “I have, but I’ve never had to cook for them regularly.”
“I swear, I want to throw their phones in the microwave and watch them explode when they get them out at the dinner table. But I’m stuck because their father does the exact same thing, so what am I supposed to say? It’s infuriating.”
Katherine realized that Megan rarely referred to her husband by name. “What’s your husband’s name again?”
“Rodney. And the kids are Trina—she’s the oldest—Adam, and Cami is the baby. Of course, the baby is fourteen, but sometimes she forgets that and acts like she still likes me.”
“I have a hard time imagining anyone finding you unlikeable.” Katherine parked the car and grabbed the canvas bag she stored in the back seat pocket. “I think eventually you’ll even win Toni over.”
“Still crossing my fingers on that one. But as far as kids go, did you like your mother when you were fourteen?”
“Yes. She and my sister were the only ones who knew that I existed most days.”
“What about your daddy?”
“He was closer to my sister. She’s a brilliant mathematician, and she got her first PhD when she was twenty-one. She’s an actual genius.”
“Didn’t you start college when you were like fifteen? That doesn’t make you a genius?”
“According to my father, that made me slightly precocious.” She walked into the grocery store and grabbed a cart. “Unfortunately, geniuses and slightly precocious physicists still have to cook dinner when their husbands are working late. Tell me what to buy. I never know what to make.”
“Do you like Mexican food?”
“I’m a Californian. Of course I like Mexican food.”
“Then Katherine, my friend, tacos are always the answer.”
She turned her cart toward the butcher counter. “I can’t argue with that and I wouldn’t even want to.”
“Tacos may be my favorite thing about California.”
“I’m not sure our tacos completely make up for the outrageous property taxes, but they do help.”
“Other than you, I mean. I like you more than tacos.”
Katherine stopped and smiled in the produce department. “Thank you.”
“Jury’s still out on Toni though. She’s not tacos, she’s hot sauce. A little goes a real long way.”
“Toni is hot sauce?” Katherine considered the comparison as she grabbed a few onions, a handful of serrano chilies, and some limes. “Okay, that’s fair.”
Chapter 13
Baxter was devouring the tacos. “These are delicious, darling.”
“Thanks. I was talking with Megan while I did the shopping and she suggested tacos. I don’t know why I don’t make them more often.”
Baxter’s smile was warm. “I’m so pleased that you’re spending time with her. She seems like a very nice person.”
“She is very nice.” Katherine reached over and squeezed
