“He kept comparing me to Pascha and he didn’t seem decent.”
He presses his lips together, hiding a grin and nods. “He loves Pascha. I think a lot of people were surprised she wasn’t with us. Don’t take it personally, okay?”
I nod and continue to follow him into the next aisle. “Stokes, when I listened to the album, part of the reason it’s so good is your duets with her. I know she was well-loved by your fans and you guys, but it sounded like you two had a special connection. Was it all a show… or?”
“Or?” he asks, raising his brow with the hint of a smile.
“Was the chemistry real between you?” I whisper.
He stops and turns to me with a straight face.
“What?” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”
His face lights up. “Lyn, you know I’m gay, right?”
I crane my neck back and smile nervously. “No, I didn’t.”
He laughs to himself and the smile sticks as he says, “I guess I shouldn’t have assumed you knew. I came out after high school. I tried to hide it before then… we spent a lot of time together… you didn’t get a vibe from me? At all?”
I never would have guessed, but it explains some things—the distance between us. He was hiding a piece of himself.
I shake my head and he turns around, shrugging. “I thought you might have seen pictures on social media, or just—I shouldn’t have assumed.”
“I’m not on social media much.” I follow him down the aisle, and he stops in front of a candy pail display.
“The chemistry was real with me and Pash, but not the kind you were thinking. Pascha and I were close. Sometimes just as close as she was with Cline, from what I knew. We have similar writing styles. We don’t take ourselves too seriously. We just get each other.” He sighs. “We all have a special relationship with her. Royal brought her into the group. He met her in college and they became fast friends at a dorm party, so the story goes, when they bonded over their distaste for the music playing. He’s the most protective of her, and it shocked him the most when we learned she’d left us all. She talks the most with Lucie, so she’s been more upset than she lets on that she hasn’t heard from Pasch. When I got there that day for your audition, I found Roy parked in front of the house. He didn’t want to go into our place without her, you know? Then we went in and found Lucie crying on Mika’s shoulder in the guest house. We’re all torn up over it.”
It hurt them all when she left, maybe just as much as Cline, on a personal level.
“But real talk,” he says. “If I weren’t gay, and Pascha and I were really singing to each other like lovers do, Cline wouldn’t have gone for that. Ever.”
“I know you guys said he was jealous.”
He turns to me and whispers, “He never did anything about it. Never intimidated guys who were after her, or fought anyone, but he’d make her feel bad about it, unintentionally. She can’t help all the attention she gets. She’s got this charisma. It’s how I know she’ll do well in Nashville. Talented. Smart. She’s the whole package, and anyone who doesn’t see that… they don’t understand her.”
“And did Cline see that?”
He purses his lips and nods with his head cocked to the side. “In a way. Not enough for her, though. He wanted her to be someone she wasn’t. He wanted her to only care about attention from him. To make him the center of her world like he did for her. It stifled her.” He picks up a lightsaber. “Maybe I’ll be a Jedi tomorrow night. Do you know what you’ll go as?”
I smile and nod. I’ve been planning my costume since summer began.
“And you’re not going to tell me?” he asks.
I shake my head as we approach the cash register. “I’ve already got it, though.”
After we cash out, we meet the band out front; the bright pink sky now a pastel without the sun.
“I’m out. See you guys tomorrow,” Cline says and points to me. “Don’t be late this time.” He smiles and winks.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, and they wave goodbye as Royal steps away with him.
“Want a ride home?” Stokes asks.
I’d planned on using the ride app, but I might as well take him up on it. “Thanks.”
“See you tomorrow night!” Lucie calls to us, stopping at her car.
“See ya,” Stokes calls.
The awkwardness of our secret conversation dissipated while we were inside, but I can’t stop wondering what the point of Lucie’s warning, or lack thereof, was about.
As we drive to my place, I consider telling Stokes about my fears of being watched and followed. Mustering up the words takes too much effort—too much courage, and we listen to Fleetwood Mac, singing the whole way instead.
He pulls into my driveway and puts his car in park. “We’re riding together to the show tomorrow night, okay? We’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for the ride.” I reach for the door.
“Oh hey.” He takes out his wallet and passes me fifty dollars. “This is your cut from last night. Not much, I know, but tomorrow night’s better. You’ll get a hundred.”
“Thanks.” I hold up the money with a smile. “My first pay as an artist.”
“That’s considered a big one by artist’s standards. Don’t spend it all in one place.” He laughs and I roll my eyes with a smile, shoving it in my bag. “Hey, you know what I was saying about having chemistry with Pascha? I feel like we’ve always had it too.”
“Yeah?” I raise my brows and he smiles.
“You don’t believe me?”
I clear my throat and twist at my heart ring, staring down at it. “I thought our friendship was special, but after so long, you just kinda stopped reaching out to me
