“Screw that, don’t you think women have dedicated enough of our lives towards the scourge of capitalist societal beauty standards? I doubt anyone will care if you let your hair down when they have more than enough cardboard cut-out, size zero, influencer dollies to pick from”.
“No seriously though, I can't remember when last I even wore a dress. Look at this”.
Rachel pulled out a somewhat dishevelled frilly red cocktail dress she hadn't used in years from her suitcase. It was any wonder if it even fit her any longer.
“It looks fine I guess, you should wear that one if it makes you happiest”.
“That’s not really helpful, I need a concrete answer”.
“Didn't I just say you should wear it?”
“Yeah, in like the most wishy washy non-committal way possible”.
“Well if you want my honest opinion, I’d prefer you had nothing on, but something tells me that wouldn't go down so well at the banquet”.
Rachel laughed.
“Stop it, I'm being serious here”.
“Well seriously stop overthinking everything, it's fine, you're perfect, everything is perfect, put it on already”.
“Okay. Sorry for being a pain, I'm just… you know”.
“Look at you, you say you don't care what your parents think any more and that you didn't even want to be here, but you're panicking over a small thing like this. Methinks there's still a part of that lil’ ol Rachel that still cares”.
“Just a little bit. You’re right, I’m not even sure why”.
“Just a little bit indeed. Stop fussing, put it on already and whatever happens, happens”. Her girlfriend lunged across the bed and attempted to strip her.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
“I'm getting you into that damn dress so we can frigging leave already. I'm hungry as a mofo”.
The women laughed and changed.
Once Rachel had slipped into the dress, she ran over to the bathroom to admire herself. Spinning around before the mirror, she couldn't help but beam over the fact that the dress still fit her so nice and snug.
“Guess those morning jogs on the beach worked out”.
“Guess they did, you look fucking hot”, her girlfriend replied, stepping into the bathroom behind her.
“Stop”.
“You do! If I weren't so hungry I'd rip it off you right now”.
“Can you zip me up?”
“With pleasure”.
Morning jogs were all part of a new healthier routine Rachel had taken up, an ambition to change her lifestyle for the better. Now that she had found the love of her life and settled, she could refocus on herself and her health, something she had been neglecting for some time now.
As her girlfriend zipped her up, she leaned over from behind and whispered in her ears.
“You’re gorgeous”.
“Thanks”, Rachel replied and turned to her, “so are you and you’ll be even more so when you are done glamming up. Go on, get ready”.
“Are you done with the bathroom?”
“I’ll need it for last minute touch ups, but otherwise, yes”.
“How does ditching your parents and going somewhere else for dinner sound”.
“Aren't you the one that said you wanted to see me close old wounds with my parents? How would ditching dinner look?”
Her girlfriend stepped back a little surprised.
“You're really serious about this”.
“I guess I am… well at least for this trip, after that, fuck knows”.
“Well, colour me impressed”.
“Multitask, be impressed and move your hands at the same time”, she coaxed her girlfriend to hurry.
Rachel returned to the bedroom and sat down to a little table with a mirror where her makeup bag sat. A very light touch up would do, nothing excessive. As she unzipped the bag and began, she thought back to the time when the decision to move to Brighton first popped into her head.
Having made some new friends amongst the gay community, she soon discovered a world opened unto her that she had no prior access to or knowledge of, a world of freedom, a world where she no longer had to feel constrained by society’s expectations.
This was all so new and oh so exciting, like a new world finally having opened its large golden doors to her. On the other side were feelings and thoughts she never knew she could experience and a newfound sense of understanding. Everyone on this side of the door had a fascinating story to tell, everyone had had a profound journey to reach this very point, some more treacherous than others and some had taken longer than others to reach this point, but nevertheless they had all made it, all finally found the place they were meant to be, even if like she, there were still unfinished affairs to attend to back on the other side of the door.
So encapsulated by her new world was she, that she had almost forgotten about her parents; she had spent so much time flying above the clouds, an ascended freedom, that the sudden topic sway to guys, deep meaningful relationships and grandchildren at a family dinner, was akin to dropping an anvil on her, bringing her crashing back down into the deep ocean, where she had to fight the waves to refrain from drowning.
They ambushed her, her mother picked this topic of conversation to have during a family dinner with her aunties, her uncle, her cousins, her grandmothers and grandfather all there to listen in on the intimate details of her love life and how much of an apparent failure she was at it. It couldn't have been more humiliating and infuriating.
Her mother, once again playing the fiddle, acting as though she were the author of the biography of Rachel Rosemary Heart’s life, talking on her behalf and only making the situation all the more awkward.
Rachel put up with it for a while, hoping the
