“There’s cream in this?” I was confused. He always drank his coffee black.
“That’s the way you drink it, right?” He peeked in on Ava before looking back at me.
“Yes, but…” I pinched my mouth shut. I didn’t want to ruin this.
“Stop,” he repeated softly. “I’ll tell you this as much as I need to. This is about you, not me.” He pointed to himself. “I can drink it with cream, I just prefer not to.”
I sipped the coffee. It felt good against the cold breeze coming off the water. The waves crashed in the distance, muffling the sound of my pounding heart. We sat there in silence munching away on our breakfast. We both had our knees bent as we stared at the sun trying to peek through the clouds. “I’ve always loved the beach.” I sighed as I finished my bagel.
“Did you used to come here a lot?” Blake glanced at me.
“When I was a kid. Warren didn’t like the sand, so we never came here,” I grumbled.
“You didn’t come by yourself?” Blake turned toward me slightly.
“Wasn’t allowed to.” I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around my knees. “I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of things. Shopping for example. I wasn’t allowed to go out shopping alone, only with him.”
“Have you been out shopping since moving into the house?” He finished his breakfast, and placed the plate back in the basket.
“A few times.” I smiled as I thought about the day Donna took me out to buy baby stuff. I hadn’t really been out much since she’d been born.
“I have next Tuesday off. Would that work?” He thumbed through the calendar on his phone.
“What?” I was confused.
“I can babysit. You and one of the other ladies can have a girls day.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but this was a very big deal to me.
“Um,” I stammered. I was caught so off guard it wasn’t even funny.
“Just think about it.” He smiled as he tapped away on his phone. “I booked the time for you, so if you decide not to go, we can grab lunch or something.”
“Ok,” I mumbled as I twisted my hands together. I didn’t know what to do at the moment. Ava was sleeping, we’d finished our food, and I was so out of my element.
“Relax.” Blake rubbed my arm gently. “I can feel the tension all over you. This isn’t a test here. I’m not trying to trick you, or catch you in any kind of trap. I’m trying to teach you. I want you to see that what you went through isn’t normal. Are there bad men out there? Yes. I’m sure Warren’s not the only one, but there are more of us ‘good guys’ than there are bad. I want to give you what he robbed you of. You’re not going to upset me or offend me by reacting genuinely. If you don’t like something, then tell me.” His voice was soft, but held authority.
“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “This is new, and you don’t understand. He ‘trained’ me to react the way I do. It‘s going to take time and more than a few dates to undo the years of brainwashing I’ve had.”
“You seem to be making good progress. Donna’s got you recognizing that it was brainwashing.” He picked at a thread on the blanket.
“Donna’s been helping me with a lot. I’ve learned that I need to be patient and to listen to what my head is telling me. It might not make sense at the moment, but usually our instincts are right.” I stared at the water. The push and pull of the waves reminded me of my thoughts. I felt like I was being pushed and pulled in a lot of different directions. I’ve learned to try and go with it for the most part. The crash of the waves was like the noise in my head. Every time I tried to make a decision about something there was always noise to go along with it. I’ve learned over the last couple of weeks how to turn that off, but sometimes the noise seems more powerful than me.
“What are you thinking about?” Blake nudged my shoulder. “I can see the wheels turning as we sit here.”
“Not much,” I murmured.
“Honesty, Brooke. Be honest with me. Don’t worry about how I’ll react. I’m not going to punish you like Warren did, no matter what.” He turned slightly and tucked a hair behind my ear.
I took a big breath and closed my eyes before letting it out. “I was thinking about you, me, what we are, if I’m ready for that, if I even know what that is,” I whispered. “If I want that.” I swallowed against the idea. Did I want Blake to keep coming around? I enjoyed spending time with him, but did I want more? Could I handle more?
“I know you just got your papers yesterday, but you left your husband a long time ago.” Blake reached over and placed his hand on top of mine. It was warm and strong. My pulse picked up more, and my breath caught. “When did you stop loving him?” He stared at my eyes for a moment before searching my face for truth.
“The first time he sent me to the hospital.” Tears filled my eyes. “He got mad at me one night. He was late, and I ate without him. I’d left him food on a plate in the fridge. He came into the living room where I was watching TV and yanked me out of
