I could hear Blake ordering food for us, but I just stared through the opening to the kitchen. Ava and I used to watch the cook make pancakes at my Fran’s. We’d sit here and watch as we drank our shakes after I picked her up from school. I couldn’t help but stare as the cook moved around, unknowingly giving me a headache.
“Are you ok?” Blake whispered as he leaned closer. “Was this a bad choice?”
“I’m fine,” I murmured as I twisted my hands together in my lap. “I’m just having a déjà vu moment. I’ll be fine.” I brushed him off. How could I tell him that I’ve been here, but I haven’t been here? How would he ever understand? I don’t even understand.
“Are you sure?” he pressed on as the waitress poured two coffees in front of us.
“Yes.” I nodded. I knew I couldn’t tell him that I was freaking out on the inside. I’d sound crazy. I reached to the left without even looking and my fingers wrapped around the container of sugar. As I poured some into my coffee, my vision went blurry. The room started spinning, and I knew I needed to get away. I need to process what was happening. “I’ll be right back,” I mumbled as I stood and turned in the direction of the bathroom.
“Ok.” Blake sounded confused, but I didn’t have time to check. I walked as fast as I could to the back corner. I knew the bathroom was there. It was there in my dreams. When I saw the door, my head spun a little more. I’d never been here. What was happening? My breathing picked up as I shoved at the door, and stepped inside.
I placed my hands on the counter by the sink and leaned forward, letting my head drop. I took a few deep breaths before glancing at my reflection in the mirror. The bathroom had red tile. The one in my dream was black. The red glared back at me, mocking me. It was proving that my dream wasn’t real. “Get it together,” I whispered to myself. I turned the cold water on, and splashed my face a little. The cold helped with my little breakdown as I took more deep breaths. I told myself more than once that this was real, and my dream wasn’t, but for some reason my head didn’t want to listen. I washed my hands, and then turned to go back to my spot at the counter.
“Everything all right?” Blake smiled as I sat back down.
“Un huh.” I swallowed as I reached for the coffee. Within a few moments, our breakfast arrived.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I ordered you the special.” He offered me a napkin from the dispenser in front of him.
“This is fine.” I offered a tight smile as I poured syrup over my pancakes. To avoid having to explain myself anymore, I cut off a bite and shoveled it into my mouth. Blake seemed to understand because he too started eating and all conversation dropped. There were so many questions floating around in my head, but I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to them. I knew one thing; I couldn’t ask Blake. I was becoming too attached to him and couldn’t do anything that might make him want to leave. I was falling fast and hard, and that part scared the crap outta me.
Chapter 20
Brooke
We didn’t really talk during our meal. The sizzle of the flat top grill, and the ringing of the bell over the door filled the silence. There was a low hum of conversation that filled the diner, and at times it almost drowned out the rambling going on in my head.
When we finished, Blake paid, and held out his arm for me to head to the door. “Are you sure you’re ok?” he whispered in my ear. “You’ve been really quiet since we got here. Did Warren bring you here or something?” His eyes softened as he held open the door and we stepped out onto the sidewalk. He led us toward the truck, and I fought to figure out how to explain this.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I growled in frustration. “I know that’s a lame excuse. Warren never brought me here. As far as I know, I’ve never eaten here. It’s just…” I sighed.
“What? You can talk to me,” he coaxed as he opened my door. I climbed in, he shut the door, and rushed around to his side.
As he shut his door and cranked the engine, I closed my eyes and pictured my town. “Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? I don’t mean like it could happen, but one where you believed it did happen?”
“Sure, I guess.” Blake let the truck idle, and turned to face me more.
“I don’t know when all of this happened, or how long it took.” I shook my head as images of the white farm house came flitting through my head. The beach, Ava’s first Christmas, the tree house, Officer Blake, all the home repairs, it was endless. “The first time we met, in the hospital, wasn’t the first time for me. While I was unconscious, I ran away from Warren. I had Ava, and we ran. We ran all over the country. When we found safety, it was in a little country town. You were there, but you were a cop. You fixed my house. You built stuff for Ava. You wanted to be our friend. We walked everywhere, and there was a diner in town. It was called Fran’s Diner, and it looked just like this one only different colors.” I turned to stare out the window. “I get
