Kingsley despised the man for that.
Mistaking Kingsley’s forlorn expression for regret about leaving Sammy, Kara approached him.
“I doubt if it will make you feel any better,” she began. “But I’m going to say it because I think you need to hear it: we can’t worry about whether our decisions are right or wrong anymore. That’s rich coming from a policewoman, I know. But the truth is, when it comes to hard decisions, intentions matter more than right or wrong.”
Rebecca stuck her knife in the head of the snapper that was strapped into the passenger seat, while Eric rummaged underneath the seats for anything that might have been tucked away out of sight.
“As long as our hearts are in the right place,” Kara continued. “As long as we don’t lose sight of our own morals when we make those difficult decisions, that’s what matters.”
“I don’t need a lecture on philosophy,” Kingsley bit back. Then he frowned, seeing the subdued expression forming on Kara’s face and realising his words had come out a bit harsher than he had intended.
In the short time he’d known Kara for, Kingsley had come to recognise an unshakeable spirit in the way she carried herself, a constant glint in her wide, almond eyes. Though not as calculated as Eric, she was definitely as optimistic, if not more so.
But for just a moment after those words had spilled from his mouth, Kingsley thought the spirit had left Kara’s face.
Eric got in the driver’s seat of the SUV and steered it to the side of the road. They didn’t need Kingsley’s help here. He went to go back inside the bus.
As he stepped through the bus door, Kara said, “Remember that we’re all in the same boat here, just trying to survive.”
Kingsley stopped in the doorway. Up until this moment, he hadn’t known it was what he wanted to do. It had been brewing in his subconscious. It was only when Kara said we’re all in the same boat that the words came to him.
Speaking over his shoulder, Kingsley said, “Yes, we’re all in the same boat for now. But once I find Emma and make sure she’s okay, I’m leaving. I’m getting away from everyone else, going somewhere quiet and isolated.”
Returning to his seat, Kingsley wondered whether it had been like that for Sammy, a sudden decision that she knew right away she would go through with. But Sammy’s decision had come from a different place than his – one of overwhelming hurt and grief. Kingsley’s had been borne out of frustration. A lifetime of feeling like he didn’t belong, like he was the only person who saw how pathetic a society the world had become. A lifetime of feeling aimless while he watched everybody else chase a dream that they didn’t understand.
Deep down Kingsley had always wanted nothing more than to get away from it all. And now, at the end of the world, he could.
*
About five minutes after the abandoned SUV had dwindled in the rearview mirror, a man stepped out into the road in the path of the bus, waving his arms in wide semi-circles, attempting to get them to stop. They didn’t slow, hoping the man would move when they got close; for all they knew, there were several other survivors hiding in the bushes, waiting to jump out when they stopped and attack them, try to steal the bus.
But it looked like the man was willing to be run over. He stood his ground, only waving faster and shouting as the bus neared.
They braked, came to a stop a few metres from hitting the guy. Standing at the front of the bus next to Eric, who was at the wheel, Kingsley loaded a bolt into the crossbow and lifted it so the man could see they were armed. The man started towards the bus door, but Eric halted him with a stern gesture.
Leaving the engine running and Kara at the wheel, Kingsley and Eric went out to meet him. Crossbow and chain mace in their hands.
“Whoa, shit!” the man said, staring at the weapons and raising his hands. “Where did you lads get hold of those?”
A woman crept out of the bushes as he was talking and Kingsley tracked her with the crossbow. She had her hands up as well, coming to stand next to the man. Her hair was dark and wavy, shoulder-length, similar to Emma’s. She also had an air of vigilance about her – eyes that were quick to squint, cautious feet – that reminded him enough of Emma that he almost felt like lowering the crossbow.
“What do you want?” Eric asked them.
“Oh, we just saw your bus coming down the road and we wanted to catch a ride. There’s enough space on it, isn’t there? How many people are with you?”
“Sorry. We’re not giving rides. Not to people we don’t know.”
“Please,” the woman said. “We can help you gather supplies and stuff.”
“We don’t need help,” Eric persisted. “We need to get going, so you best move on. There’s an abandoned SUV not far down the road from here. It’s got a bit of diesel in it, keys inside. If you want a ride, take that.”
The man raised his eyebrows, surprised, then a grateful smile formed on his face. “Really? Thank you.” The woman also smiled and nodded, though the smile wavered on her lips as if she didn’t fully trust them.
“I know it’s pushing our luck, but do you kind people have any water to spare? We’re pretty thirsty. We’ve walked all the way from Colchester and we only had one bottle.”
“Colchester?” Kingsley repeated. “That’s where we’re headed. What’s it like there?” he asked, already knowing he wouldn’t like the answer.
Eric retrieved an unopened bottle of water from beside the driver’s seat and handed it to the man, who nodded his thanks. “Well, it was pretty fucked last we saw. Just as fucked
