When melancholia overcame me, I eased my body from the bed, put on my clothes, and crept out of the room. As I came down the stairs, three sets of eyes turned and looked up at me.
“Decker,” I said, meeting his gaze first.
“How are you, Siren?”
“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse.”
“How’s Smoke?”
“Resting now.” I walked over to where he, Casper, and Hughes were seated at my dining table. I pulled out the fourth chair and sat. “What’s your plan?”
“What do you mean?”
“The reason you’re all here.”
“Siren, we—”
“I asked Decker.” I didn’t bother looking at Casper when she spoke. While I’d never had anything against her before, I didn’t like that she came to my house uninvited.
“Will you excuse us?” he said to Hughes.
My boss pushed back and stood, but I knew he didn’t like being asked to leave.
“You, too, Casper,” Deck added.
The two of them went out the front door.
“What’s your take on Hughes?” he asked once the door closed behind them.
“Meaning?”
“Do you trust him?”
“I do.”
Decker nodded. “How are you feeling?”
“Back to normal, for the most part.”
“What does that mean?”
“My memory is back.” I flexed my hand. “No issues with movement.”
“What’s your plan?”
“I asked you a question, Decker, and you’ve yet to answer it.”
“It depends on what you’re going to do.”
I sat back in my chair. “I don’t know.”
“Are you going back to IMI?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugged. “I thought maybe you were ready to branch out on your own.”
“And what, join up with you?”
“Maybe.”
“I’m not sure Smoke would like that.”
Decker stretched his arms above his head and then leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “What makes you say that?”
“Don’t think you can play with me, Decker. I heard your conversation with Smoke.”
“Which one was that?”
I stood and walked over to the front window, surprised to see Hughes and Casper sitting in his car, having what looked like an animated conversation. Casper had a smile on her face, not something I’d seen very often. Rory was smiling too.
“Siren?”
“It doesn’t matter, Deck. My memory is back. I know that Smoke and I were never together.” What I hadn’t figured out was why my brain had gone there in the first place. We’d had one night of drunken sex, yet for some inexplicable reason, my mind believed we were in love. Jaysus. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.
“He loves you,” said Decker, as though he was reading my mind.
I burst out laughing. “No. He doesn’t.” I tapped my temple with my fingertip. “I told you, I remember everything.”
He shook his head. “You must not.”
“Stop this, Ashford,” I snapped. “There is nothing between Smoke and me. Nothing. And there never will be.” Deck turned his head, and I followed his gaze. Smoke stood on the stairs, gripping the railing and staring at me. He looked hurt, but that was ridiculous. I’d heard him. As soon as my memory came back, he said he’d make sure we never saw each other again.
“Hey, Deck,” Smoke said, his eyes finally leaving mine. “Glad you’re here.”
Decker got up and met Smoke at the bottom step. “How are you doing?”
Smoke turned his head back to me. “Ready to go home.”
29
Smoke
I had no idea what the beginning of Siren’s conversation with Decker sounded like, but I’d heard the end loud and clear. She said there was nothing between us and there never would be. I’d endured indescribable pain to make love to her only a few minutes earlier, and yet she just said there was nothing between us and there never would be.
“Deck, Smoke and I need to talk.”
My friend turned to me, and I nodded once. “Don’t go too far.”
“Copy that.”
“Where are Casper and Hughes?”
Siren put her hands on her hips. “Why?”
I shook my head. “Just curious,” I mumbled.
“They’re outside. Talking. She looks quite happy, in fact. Shall I go and fetch her for you?”
“Stop it.”
“Something’s just occurred to me.”
I rested my hip against the kitchen counter top, wondering how much longer I could remain standing. “What is that, Siren?”
“That’s why you were so anxious to be rid of me once my memory returned, you and Casper—”
I stalked over to her and got in her face. “Quit it. There’s nothing between Casper and me. There never has been and there never will be. But I’m curious why you care when you just said there’ll never be anything between you and me.”
“You aren’t the only one who overheard a conversation, Smoke.”
I was beginning to feel lightheaded. “I need to sit.” She was furious with me; she had been often enough that I knew the signs. However, she still helped me over to a chair. “Sit down.”
“No.”
“Dammit, Siren. Sit the fuck down.”
“Don’t talk to me that way, Smoke! If that’s how you’ve talked to the other women in your life, then I can’t say I’m surprised you’re alone.”
I lowered my head. That one hurt.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured and took a seat.
“So am I.”
“This is what we do, isn’t it? We hurt each other?”
“Not always.”
“No? I don’t remember it being any other way.”
“Maybe not before you were shot.” She tried to stand, but I captured her wrist. “Before you were shot,” I repeated. “And then things changed.”
“Bullshit,” she spat, wrenching her wrist from my grasp. “It didn’t change; you just lied.”
“I don’t know what you thought you heard, but whatever it was, you took it out of context.”
She walked over to the window, folded her arms, and then turned back to look at me. “Like you took my words out of context? A few minutes ago, you told Decker you were ready to leave.”
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t have the strength to get up and walk over to her. “Siren, please.” I held my hand out to her, but she shook her head.
“Do you have any
