Her words were meant to bring me comfort, but they did the opposite. She’d been frightened and worried because of me. Her head hadn’t been in the right place, not that she’d done a single thing wrong. She’d handled herself like the professional she was—unlike me.
“Smoke?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, looking down at her.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I removed her hands from around my waist. “Let’s get inside.”
“Casper is working on Kim’s and Antonov’s twenty,” said Decker. “Hughes is on his way here now.” He looked at Siren. “The two of you will need to do an assessment of IMI agents.” Deck turned to me. “We’ll get a medic over here to assess your condition as well as Mr. O’Brien’s.”
“Not necessary. I’m fine.”
Decker nodded.
“Both Kim and Antonov have been located. Kim is in his office at Interpol. Antonov is back in Moscow.”
“Stay on them,” said Deck. Casper nodded.
“What about the box?” asked Siren.
“You know what he was talking about?” Deck asked.
She looked at O’Brien. “It’s at my old house.”
Gene nodded.
“The woman who owns it now tried to give it to me the day we first met in the cemetery, and I told her I’d come back for it.” Siren turned to me; her eyes were scrunched. “I forgot.”
I held my arms open, and she walked into them. “It’s better that you did. If Byrne had found it at your house, both Gene and I would probably be dead.”
Siren’s shoulders began to shake. The adrenaline was wearing off, and she was crashing.
“Come here,” I said, leading her down the hallway. I opened the first door I came to. It was a bathroom, so I went to the next. I led Siren in and over to the bed. “Lie down, kiddo.”
“Will you hold me?”
“I will.” I lay on my back and pulled her into my arms.
“Isn’t that painful?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered, stroking her hair. After a few minutes, she looked up at me.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“How good you feel next to me.”
She shook her head. “No, you’re not. You’re thinking you screwed up.”
“I did screw up.”
“What happened?”
I had my mind on her, not the job, but I wasn’t about to say so. Nothing that had happened was her fault.
“Smoke?”
“I didn’t do my job.”
“Okay,” she whispered, and I knew it meant she got that I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Sounds like Hughes is here. We should get back out there.”
Her arm tightened around my waist. “Another minute.”
34
Siren
I told Smoke I’d never been more afraid in my life, but now that wasn’t true. I was more afraid at this moment. He was pulling away from me, and I could feel it. He blamed himself for not protecting Gene and me. It hadn’t been Smoke’s job to look after me, but it had been with Gene. If I were in his shoes, I’d be retreating too. The difference was, I’d disappear into myself professionally. Smoke was pulling away on a personal level too. I knew exactly how he saw this playing out, and I had no intention of letting him.
It didn’t matter what it took. I wasn’t about to watch Smoke walk out of my life. I’d do whatever I had to, to make sure he stayed in it.
When Hughes and I finished assessing IMI’s agent list, I looked around for Smoke. I found him back in the bedroom we’d been in, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.
“I need to go and get the box,” I said, sitting beside him. “I want you to come with me.”
Smoke’s eyes met mine. “That isn’t a good idea.”
I nodded. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, then.”
“Don’t, Siren.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t try to make this better for me. It isn’t going to work. As soon as I’m no longer needed here, I’m taking leave and going home.”
“I see.”
“It’s for the best, and we both know it.”
“You wouldn’t let me get away with this shit.”
He didn’t respond, so I stood.
“Smoke, you wouldn’t let me get away with this shit.” This time I shouted it at him.
“Stop it.”
“The feckin’ hell I will.”
“You’re outta your league, little girl. I got years on you, and I’m telling you to stand the fuck down.”
“Kiddo, little girl—you don’t think I see what you’re doing? You think you can put me in my place? You think you can make me feel inferior because of my lack of experience compared to yours? You’re dead wrong, arsehole.”
Smoke stood, picked me up by the waist, moved me out of his way, and stalked out of the bedroom. I stayed right on his heels. Before we got more than a couple of steps down the hallway, he spun around on me and pointed his finger in my face. “Leave me the fuck alone,” he seethed.
I had no intention of backing down and got right back in his face. “Never.” I saw Decker approach from behind Smoke and shook my head. Casper was right behind him. “Stay out of this, the both of you. This is between Smoke and me.” My eyes met Casper’s; she smiled and nodded in what I could only assume was support. I turned my attention back to the man I loved. “If I screwed up, would you walk away from me?” I asked, keeping my voice soft. “Would you let me go if I felt like I needed to run away?” I took a deep breath. “Would you stop loving me, Smoke?”
His eyes bored into mine.
“Answer me, Smoke. Would you stop loving me?”
It took a long while before he responded, and even then, he didn’t speak. His head moved from side to side, barely detectable.
“You wouldn’t,” I said for him. “I won’t either.” I took his hand and led him back into the bedroom, thankful he didn’t resist. I closed the door behind us. I took another deep breath, knowing the
